I have to leave for work in an hour and I have not had time for lunch or a glass of water or to get ready. H gets home exactly when I need to leave. Our schedule is not sustainable and I have no clue what to do. It's making me a terrible mother. I'm always yelling and I'm so resentful.
I'm sorry! DH and I work the same exact schedule, but both have some gripes with our current set up / jobs. It definitely carries over into my home attitude, which sucks. I hope it gets better for you soon!
Post by honeybee503 on Aug 27, 2014 14:00:37 GMT -5
I had my appointment. It actually went well. My Dr is going to refer me to a counselor and she recommended trying to get more exercise in and see if that helps. I am currently waiting at the lab to get my bloodwork checked and I have a follow up appointment with her in a month. Thank you all again for your support. (Heart)
laurack. I probably shouldn't admit this, but here are a couple weird thoughts I've had along those lines.
1. About 3 weeks into the boys NICU stay I turned to h and said, " if the boys were gone, would you miss them? Would you feel any different right now?" I had some PTSD and post partum shit going on but I could clearly imagine just never going back to the NICU and continuing life as it was pre babies.
2. I read about a kid getting hit by a car earlier this week. Yesterday I was driving and saw a daycare group walking on the sidewalk. Super close to the road. I thought two things- "Oh my gosh those kids are giving me a heart attack being two feet from the cars zooming by!" And, " what would happen if I accidentally hit them by being distracted by the boys?" I imagined the scene in my head and then spent the next ten minutes questioning how my mind got there.
Other times When I think of something happening to H or one of the boys I almost hyperventilate.
I think these thoughts are normal unless they are all consuming or happen really frequently.
I just read an article about how pandas fake they are pregnant to get more food and attention.
Brilliant.
Let's be honest. Lots of humans do this, too. Or to keep their baby-daddies around.
LOL.
This one panda faked it for two months. They are brought into a special, air-conditioned room, with around the clock care. After two months, she just went back to normal.
I just learned from Curious George that you can make a metal detector with a radio and a calculator. Now I really want to try to make one. Too bad I don't have a radio.
Me too!! I was wondering if it was real or a cartoon thing. I feel like I should probably know the answer, but I don't! Ha!
I googled it and it is real! I really wish I had a radio.
fryjack2 those sound like normal thoughts. I mean, to me, haha
I think sometimes about not having William, what would it be like. especially earlier PP I think I had a lot of worry that I didn't "love him enough" or something. I was even talking to H about it, I mean I specifically told him when I was a few weeks PP that I thought if one of my children had to die it would be better if it was William because when I was picturing it in my head, losing Matilda would leave a much larger "hole" in our lives, because she's like our whole life.
My husband luckily didn't look at me like I was crazy or anything, he just thought about it and agreed that it would probably be harder to lose matilda.
as a man though I assume he is generally baffled by most of my ramblings when I do talk about this stuff. Because he just goes about his day in a lovely "normal amount of thinking" state.oh, men. simple beings. I am so jealous of it sometimes
He'd never be like "OMG GUYS IMAGINE IF YOUR HAND JUST GOT STUCK IN A BLENDER HOW HORRIBLE WOULD THAT BE"
Ladies, I'm not sure why there are so many hands being stuck down disposals. I have a dedicated wooden spoon and pair of kitchen tongs to help unstick anything that might be causing a problem.
Also, my kid LOVES both elevators and escalators. And moving sidewalks at airports.
fryjack2 those sound like normal thoughts. I mean, to me, haha
I think sometimes about not having William, what would it be like. especially earlier PP I think I had a lot of worry that I didn't "love him enough" or something. I was even talking to H about it, I mean I specifically told him when I was a few weeks PP that I thought if one of my children had to die it would be better if it was William because when I was picturing it in my head, losing Matilda would leave a much larger "hole" in our lives, because she's like our whole life.
My husband luckily didn't look at me like I was crazy or anything, he just thought about it and agreed that it would probably be harder to lose matilda.
as a man though I assume he is generally baffled by most of my ramblings when I do talk about this stuff. Because he just goes about his day in a lovely "normal amount of thinking" state.oh, men. simple beings. I am so jealous of it sometimes
He'd never be like "OMG GUYS IMAGINE IF YOUR HAND JUST GOT STUCK IN A BLENDER HOW HORRIBLE WOULD THAT BE"
Sorry I keep quoting you, but seriously, it's like all these thoughts you & fryjack2 and other ladies are having are my EXACT thoughts! Makes me feel so much better. I always think if DH died how I would live my life, like I have it logically planned (in my mind) but then after I think about all of it it makes me tear up, because the thought of losing him would be devastating. Also, not my thought, but my dearest friend had twins 2 months after Chloe was born, and one passed away from SIDS at 3 months. My friend confided to me after she passed that if she had to lose one of her girls, that she was better off losing the one she lost. She said she felt disgusting even saying those words, but I felt I understood what she was saying. Plus in grief/tramatic events anything goes.
Ladies, I'm not sure why there are so many hands being stuck down disposals. I have a dedicated wooden spoon and pair of kitchen tongs to help unstick anything that might be causing a problem.
Also, my kid LOVES both elevators and escalators. And moving sidewalks at airports.
Ladies, I'm not sure why there are so many hands being stuck down disposals. I have a dedicated wooden spoon and pair of kitchen tongs to help unstick anything that might be causing a problem.
Also, my kid LOVES both elevators and escalators. And moving sidewalks at airports.
Brilliant!
I read a scene in a Stephen King book when I was in my early teens involving a disposal and a persons limb. Scarred me for life. I don't care if it's my wedding set down there, the power mains to the house have been switched off, and the thing is unplugged, my hand is not going anywhere near the inside of a disposal. If it can't be taken care of with a wooden spoon and tongs, I'm calling a professional.
yes the logistics of madness in my head have changed some now that I have two children. With one child it's like, well yes of course if she died I'll just kill myself too. But with two children it's tricky. Because I feel like how can I go on living when one of my babies died? but then how can I not, when my other needs me.
The best solution would be not to worry about such things of course. where's that off switch..
I read a scene in a Stephen King book when I was in my early teens involving a disposal and a persons limb. Scarred me for life. I don't care if it's my wedding set down there, the power mains to the house have been switched off, and the thing is unplugged, my hand is not going anywhere near the inside of a disposal. If it can't be taken care of with a wooden spoon and tongs, I'm calling a professional.
hmm which book is that
I wonder if this is one of those "repressed childhood memory" type fears ...
also this is one of those weird discussions where somebody says "you aren't crazy I feel this too, insert horrible story/thoughts" and I'm about to "like" it because thanks for the support! then I'm like .... hmm that doesn't seem right to like something with sad content... I've actually liked then unliked a couple things in this thread haha
Yes, now my thoughts are all out of controll because of this discussion (not in a bad way). I ALWAYS think that when our family is seperated, like when DH & Ash went to Yellowstone and Chloe & I stayed behind, that one half of us is going to die in a car accident. Sometimes if I let those thoughts carry on and get out of control I actually get sick to my stomach and start crying. I could not bare the reality of such a thing.
I read a scene in a Stephen King book when I was in my early teens involving a disposal and a persons limb. Scarred me for life. I don't care if it's my wedding set down there, the power mains to the house have been switched off, and the thing is unplugged, my hand is not going anywhere near the inside of a disposal. If it can't be taken care of with a wooden spoon and tongs, I'm calling a professional.
hmm which book is that
I wonder if this is one of those "repressed childhood memory" type fears ...
I honestly can't remember. I read almost all his books one summer, so there were bits that blended together. It might have been "Tommyknockers"... there was a lot of messed up stuff in that one if I recall correctly.
As for repressed childhood memories, probably not. I didn't live in a place with a disposal installed until after college. Hell, we didn't even have cable in my house until I was 11. We had kind of a basic set-up growing up :-)
I wonder if this is one of those "repressed childhood memory" type fears ...
I honestly can't remember. I read almost all his books one summer, so there were bits that blended together. It might have been "Tommyknockers"... there was a lot of messed up stuff in that one if I recall correctly.
As for repressed childhood memories, probably not. I didn't live in a place with a disposal installed until after college. Hell, we didn't even have cable in my house until I was 11. We had kind of a basic set-up growing up :-)
no I meant like, the memory of reading it in a SK book!
we definitely didn't have a disposal, I don't know if I ever encountered one until I came to America! We also didn't have a dishwasher. My poor mother. 7 children and no dishwasher. She has one now at least
Yes, now my thoughts are all out of controll because of this discussion (not in a bad way). I ALWAYS think that when our family is seperated, like when DH & Ash went to Yellowstone and Chloe & I stayed behind, that one half of us is going to die in a car accident. Sometimes if I let those thoughts carry on and get out of control I actually get sick to my stomach and start crying. I could not bare the reality of such a thing.
my H takes them to daycare in the mornings and sometimes I do think, what if they got in an accident? But luckily it's a mile from the house and the limit is 35mph so I don't think a fatal accident could occur.
NOBODY NEEDS TO COME IN AND INFORM ME THAT FATAL ACCIDENTS CAN OCCUR AT THIS SPEED
I have chosen not to google "fatal accident 35mph is it possible"
Yes, now my thoughts are all out of controll because of this discussion (not in a bad way). I ALWAYS think that when our family is seperated, like when DH & Ash went to Yellowstone and Chloe & I stayed behind, that one half of us is going to die in a car accident. Sometimes if I let those thoughts carry on and get out of control I actually get sick to my stomach and start crying. I could not bare the reality of such a thing.
my H takes them to daycare in the mornings and sometimes I do think, what if they got in an accident? But luckily it's a mile from the house and the limit is 35mph so I don't think a fatal accident could occur.
NOBODY NEEDS TO COME IN AND INFORM ME THAT FATAL ACCIDENTS CAN OCCUR AT THIS SPEED
I have chosen not to google "fatal accident 35mph is it possible"
Yes, in my mind, these horrible accidents only occur on the interstate.
counting down the minutes until H comes home today. Cranky baby, cranky toddler, and possessed 3 year old. I already told him he'll be picking up thai food tonight.
I feel sometimes like I've just been too lucky in my life, that I am due for some horrible things to happen. I mean here I am, I have a job, a house, a car, I have a husband I love and two wonderful amazing beautiful children. My parents are alive and are nice people with whom I have a positive relationship. I have six siblings that I love. I just feel sometimes like, I don't deserve all this so something horrible is bound to happen to me.
my H takes them to daycare in the mornings and sometimes I do think, what if they got in an accident? But luckily it's a mile from the house and the limit is 35mph so I don't think a fatal accident could occur.
NOBODY NEEDS TO COME IN AND INFORM ME THAT FATAL ACCIDENTS CAN OCCUR AT THIS SPEED
I have chosen not to google "fatal accident 35mph is it possible"
Yes, in my mind, these horrible accidents only occur on the interstate.
my husband tells me its actually LESS likely you'll be in a bad accident on the highway because all traffic is moving in the same direction and they have that divider down the center so a head on collision would be extremely unlikely.
the scariest roads are the ones that aren't highways so they don't have a divider in the center yet the speed limit is high like 55mph (so people go 60+).
I feel sometimes like I've just been too lucky in my life, that I am due for some horrible things to happen. I mean here I am, I have a job, a house, a car, I have a husband I love and two wonderful amazing beautiful children. My parents are alive and are nice people with whom I have a positive relationship. I have six siblings that I love. I just feel sometimes like, I don't deserve all this so something horrible is bound to happen to me.
This is one I have often.
I am always thinking something bad is going to happen to us because we deserve it.
Here's something creepy. H teaches in a wing that includes different disciplines, so there are English, Science, Math etc teachers. I don't have the statistics straight, but since they have been together in this school, everyone has had something tragic happen to them. One teacher lost both his brother and sister in accidents last year. Two or three people of the 10 or so have lost a parent in the past year to cancer.
When H told me this my stomach dropped. We are the only people that haven't had something terrible happen to them. They used to joke about having a curse, but I think some of them are starting to believe it. Especially after the last accident.