I'm feeling frustrated.

[Deleted]

T turned 3 in March. She attends daycare full time and I am planning to start her in pre-k next August. She will be 4 years and 5 months.

Every mom on my FB that has kids that are 3 are posting First Day of Pre-K! pictures.

I mean I can put her in a three year old program and pay for that and daycare and worry about transportation, but is it really necessary? It's making me feel like a bad mom that I am waiting until she is 4. I didn't even go to pre-k. I started kindergarten when I was 5. Why are 3 year olds starting pre-k?

[cbwm1]

This is one of those things you need to let roll off your back.

[candreco]

While I don't think it's unusual for 3yo's to do pre-K (I did when I was 3, and it's super common around here), I also don't think it's a necessity. A lot of pre-K is learning to function with other kids and other people, which T is obviously already doing in DC, so I wouldn't worry about it.

[pantsparty]

Get your revenge when you post her 5th grade pics and say they're Pre-Middle School!

[wino]

DD never went to Pre-K. We did in home daycare and had no way to work out transportation. Our daycare worked with DD during the standard school year and she was more than ready for K. DS will do the exact same.

[CajunShrimp]

Lots of kids don't start school at 3 and wind up just the same as the ones that did. No biggie.

But it isn't a new thing. I am 41 and started nursery school at 3. It may also be the area you are in - here it is the norm.

[chiclet]

Don't let it get to you. DD didn't go to pre-k, she's in 3rd now and doing great.

DS is 3 and he won't be going to pre-k either.

[mommytutu]

I personally started both my girls at 2 1/2 going to "pre-school". It's more like 2 days a week that I would get a break from them. I'm a stay at home so those 2 hours 2 days a week I would use it as a time to run errands. It wasn't necessarily for extra education.

[Deleted]

It's not helping that I am feeling concerned with her not knowing her letters.

[lilac05]

A lot of those kids probably have SAHMs. For us, we sent DS to PS at 3.5 for the socialization, structure, and learning to follow the routines, rules, and wishes of other adults. It had very little to do with academics. If he was in a daycare full-time, we would not be doing preschool. Most daycares already do what I feel are the most important parts of preschool.

[Deleted]

Aug 27, 2014 11:21:35 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

Aren't most full time daycares effectively pre-k? I know when Lu was at a daycare they had a pre-school/pre-k curriculum that started in the 3 year old room. I don't think you need a "stand alone" pre-k program to get her ready for kinder.

In terms of the letters thing, have you spoken with her teachers? Do they let you know what they're working on? I would be troubled if my three year old weren't getting any kind of academic work.

Her daycare teacher has a degree in early child hood and they follow a curriculum. She sends home the stuff they are working on, but I haven't talked with her about T's letters yet. I am planning to this week.

[Deleted]

My understanding is that most center-based daycares that follow a curriculum are effectively preschools. I would hold our daycare up against any MDO/half-day Church program in town for academics.

That said, I'm (admittedly) a little crazy about this but I did tour some preschools that are "feeders" for the super-fancy private school I am OBSESSED with. I'm not above moving her for that reason.

So I say do a gut check. Don't move her just to post some picture of her holding a chalkboard on Facebook but if your daycare is lacking on the academics front, it's fair to shop around.

ETA: I don't know why you would do daycare AND preschool. I'm still only considering full-time preschools with aftercare.

[sailorgray]

If my kids were in daycare full-time, I wouldn't send them to preschool at all. I sent DS1 to preschool at 3. DS2 is starting in the 2's class, but that's only bc he misses the cut-off by 2 weeks. I wanted them in a program of sorts at 3 for socialization and you are doing that by having your LO in daycare.

FWIW, my guy learned a ton when he was in daycare full-time. One was not better than the other.

[hocus2]

My son is 3 and in full time daycare. My older child went to a 3 hour enrichment class at 3 similar to what you're calling prek. Overall they are learning pretty much the same things. My son just eats breakfast and lunch, takes a nap, and has some other activities mixed in. Our daycare is officially a prek in the 4's room and follows the state circulum. About half of the kids come up from the 3's class, some come from other classes and some are coming from a single care giver set up (parent, nanny, grandparent etc). The teacher works with them where they are and closes the gap in terms of required knowledge (letters, numbers, colors, shapes etc) within a few months.

[sailorgray]

Aug 27, 2014 11:24:42 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

A lot of those kids probably have SAHMs. For us, we sent DS to PS at 3.5 for the socialization, structure, and learning to follow the routines, rules, and wishes of other adults. It had very little to do with academics. If he was in a daycare full-time, we would not be doing preschool. Most daycares already do what I feel are the most important parts of preschool.

Yes! This exactly.

[Deleted]

We won't do pre-k, we'll just leave our kid in daycare. She already learns alot and the program is designed to help them get ready for school.

We even have the option of doing Kindergarten there. The only reason I wont is if by not enrolling we risk not having a Grade 1 spot at the school down the road.

[Deleted]

Some daycares consider their 3yr old room a preschool setting. Now that C is 4, he's in more formal Universal Pre-K (set up at his daycare location, so no change) where we actually have parent orientation and more stuctured learning for half-days (the old-fashioned preschool), then next year he'll be in kindergarden.

[bittybomb]

My daughter will be starting pre-k as a 3 year old, but she turns 4 November 2.  We have the option because of her birthday to choose whether to start her in K next year when she is 4 turning 5 or wait until she is 5 turning 6 (and repeat pre-k). 

They would not have accepted her into pre-k, however, if she was to turn 4 after December 1.

Around here I am noticing the opposite trend - a lot of parents with kids on the cusp are holding their kids back and the main reason I get is so they will have an advantage with sports.  If my daughter does as well as she did in nursery last year, I see no reason to hold her back, and certainly won't do so just because she may be a little bigger and better at sports.

eta I am differentiating between pre-kindergarten and pre-school.

[revolution]

Aug 27, 2014 11:29:33 GMT -5 @t2j said:

Aug 27, 2014 11:21:35 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

Aren't most full time daycares effectively pre-k? I know when Lu was at a daycare they had a pre-school/pre-k curriculum that started in the 3 year old room. I don't think you need a "stand alone" pre-k program to get her ready for kinder.

In terms of the letters thing, have you spoken with her teachers? Do they let you know what they're working on? I would be troubled if my three year old weren't getting any kind of academic work.

Her daycare teacher has a degree in early child hood and they follow a curriculum. She sends home the stuff they are working on, but I haven't talked with her about T's letters yet. I am planning to this week.

First, Pre-K isn't necessary.
Second, it sounds like your kids is goign to be doing the same thing in daycare that the kids in "pre-k" are doing. It's just not called the same thing.
Third, Knowing the letters will come. It's not a requirement for starting school even. Try not to stress over it. They learn letters and writing them in K around here.

[Deleted]

Aug 27, 2014 11:51:49 GMT -5 @smace said:

You're mad bc other people are sending their 3 y/os to preschool? Lol. This is silly.

No, I'm frustrated that I'm not confident in the choices that I'm making for her. I wish that the system was universal so that I know I'm doing what's best for her. Now that we are in a new town I am really unsure of what to do. I just want to make sure I am setting her up to succeed.

[phdprocrastinator]

We're in the same boat with DD. From what I can tell, most of the kids starting preschool have SAHMs, so there is a big push to start socialization, etc.

Also, many preschools with a heavy emphasis on academics... well, they're not doing it right. Early childhood should be primarily child-centered, following the kid's lead, and introducing new and interesting concepts within the context of activities that are interesting to the child. Letters introduced during sensory activities, numbers introduced while counting bugs on the playground, and that sort of thing. The push down of academics is really impacting preschools now. While I'm big on emergent literacy (as it's a great context in which to teach communication and social/emotional awareness, and things like letter ID), all the research on the benefits of preschool for later academic success are on curricula like the Creative Curriculum and High/Scope, which are all about structuring the classroom to promote child choice and encouraging social/emotional development. I figure DD is getting social/emotional development at her day care right now, in a smaller environment that allows her "teacher" to cater to her interests. When she's closer to four, we'll start thinking about preschool options.

P.S. Circle time for young three year olds is ridiculous. I consult with preschools and I rarely see circles in these young classrooms in which all the children are actually engaged and learning.

[Deleted]

Aug 27, 2014 12:00:05 GMT -5 @booby said:

Aug 27, 2014 11:51:49 GMT -5 @smace said:

You're mad bc other people are sending their 3 y/os to preschool? Lol. This is silly.

this

i mean come on sally, surely you KNOW that this is all circumstance and personal choice.  it has nothing to do with academics or anything that actually matters. 

No I really don't. This parenting stuff is hard. It was easier for me when I was in a setting where I knew all of the options and was confident in my choices.

[Deleted]

Aug 27, 2014 12:05:01 GMT -5 phdprocrastinator said:

We're in the same boat with DD. From what I can tell, most of the kids starting preschool have SAHMs, so there is a big push to start socialization, etc.

Also, many preschools with a heavy emphasis on academics... well, they're not doing it right. Early childhood should be primarily child-centered, following the kid's lead, and introducing new and interesting concepts within the context of activities that are interesting to the child. Letters introduced during sensory activities, numbers introduced while counting bugs on the playground, and that sort of thing. The push down of academics is really impacting preschools now. While I'm big on emergent literacy (as it's a great context in which to teach communication and social/emotional awareness, and things like letter ID), all the research on the benefits of preschool for later academic success are on curricula like the Creative Curriculum and High/Scope, which are all about structuring the classroom to promote child choice and encouraging social/emotional development. I figure DD is getting social/emotional development at her day care right now, in a smaller environment that allows her "teacher" to cater to her interests. When she's closer to four, we'll start thinking about preschool options.

P.S. Circle time for young three year olds is ridiculous. I consult with preschools and I rarely see circles in these young classrooms in which all the children are actually engaged and learning.

Ok this is great information to hear. I literally breathed a small sigh of relief.

[Gato]

DD started daycare at 2.5; then or 3 was the norm where I lived in NJ when one parent stayed at home. But I mean, is preschool really much different than daycare? The main thing is to learn how to socialize and behave within a big group of kids.

[nomad100]

I didn't do pre-k , started K when I was 4, and didn't go to day care. Turned out just fine.

Make the decisions that work best for you and yours. (I know this is hard sometimes but you know you are a great mom!)

[revolution]

Aug 27, 2014 12:04:42 GMT -5 @t2j said:

Aug 27, 2014 11:51:49 GMT -5 @smace said:

You're mad bc other people are sending their 3 y/os to preschool? Lol. This is silly.

No, I'm frustrated that I'm not confident in the choices that I'm making for her. I wish that the system was universal so that I know I'm doing what's best for her. Now that we are in a new town I am really unsure of what to do. I just want to make sure I am setting her up to succeed.

I think we all go through this.  Really.  You love her and you want the best for her, so she will be fine.  You will both fall.  You will both flounder.  But it's how you respond and keep going that matters.  Parenting is hard.  Give the daycare some time.  I think if you see her doing well there and that she is happy there, you will feel better.  If not, reevaluate and make a new choice.

[cville]

Pshaw. There's no way kids in couple hours a day preK are getting MORE of the school preparatory skills than your daughter is in daycare. For kindergarten, they need to be able to recognize some colors, numbers, letters, sit still for short periods, and treat other kids well/negotiate their own issues with kids. Voila. Don't sweat it. You're fine.

[usuallylurking]

Aug 27, 2014 12:08:25 GMT -5 @t2j said:

Aug 27, 2014 12:05:01 GMT -5 phdprocrastinator said:

We're in the same boat with DD. From what I can tell, most of the kids starting preschool have SAHMs, so there is a big push to start socialization, etc.

Also, many preschools with a heavy emphasis on academics... well, they're not doing it right. Early childhood should be primarily child-centered, following the kid's lead, and introducing new and interesting concepts within the context of activities that are interesting to the child. Letters introduced during sensory activities, numbers introduced while counting bugs on the playground, and that sort of thing. The push down of academics is really impacting preschools now. While I'm big on emergent literacy (as it's a great context in which to teach communication and social/emotional awareness, and things like letter ID), all the research on the benefits of preschool for later academic success are on curricula like the Creative Curriculum and High/Scope, which are all about structuring the classroom to promote child choice and encouraging social/emotional development. I figure DD is getting social/emotional development at her day care right now, in a smaller environment that allows her "teacher" to cater to her interests. When she's closer to four, we'll start thinking about preschool options.

P.S. Circle time for young three year olds is ridiculous. I consult with preschools and I rarely see circles in these young classrooms in which all the children are actually engaged and learning.

Ok this is great information to hear. I literally breathed a small sigh of relief.

Don't worry!  T will be fine and I'm sure you're making a perfectly good choice in not sending her to "official" preschool this year.  I'm a SAHM and attempted to send my 3 year old (bday in March, so 3 years and a few months) to preschool last fall at the start of the school year.  It did not go well.  In those 2.5 hours they wanted the kids to essentially switch activities every 15-20 minutes.  My kid was not ready for this, it was way too many transitions and he wanted to sit and focus on something until he was ready to move on, not whenever they told him to.  He's incredibly smart, so I was sending him for socialization skills, learning routines, etc., not for academics.  In the end I pulled him from preschool and focused instead on getting him socialization through swim lessons, daycare at the gym, etc.  He starts PreK next week and I feel like he is so much more ready, simply because I know him better (sounds lame, but it's true) after having this last year for him to grow and work on transitions, coping skills, asking for help instead of shutting down in frustration, etc.  One year of PreK for my son, or even for your daughter, will be plenty!  Let her play while she's 3; she's learning more than what can be measured on paper, I'm sure.  As for letters, I cannot recommend the foam bath letters highly enough.  I really think that that is where I've had any success with the boys.  We've never pushed learning, but they learn them through playing in the tub.

[Deleted]

Aug 27, 2014 11:15:44 GMT -5 mommytutu said:

I personally started both my girls at 2 1/2 going to "pre-school". It's more like 2 days a week that I would get a break from them. I'm a stay at home so those 2 hours 2 days a week I would use it as a time to run errands. It wasn't necessarily for extra education.

Same here. I think it's really common to start at 2 or 3 if you have a SAHP. I wouldn't bother until 4 yo preK if my kids went to daycare full time though. I'm sure they all learn the same stuff.

[Deleted]

Aug 27, 2014 12:04:42 GMT -5 @t2j said:

Aug 27, 2014 11:51:49 GMT -5 @smace said:

You're mad bc other people are sending their 3 y/os to preschool? Lol. This is silly.

No, I'm frustrated that I'm not confident in the choices that I'm making for her. I wish that the system was universal so that I know I'm doing what's best for her. Now that we are in a new town I am really unsure of what to do. I just want to make sure I am setting her up to succeed.

With all due respect, she's 3 not 15 As long as you're reading to her, talking to her, taking her to activities/play dates, showing her love, etc. you're doing all the right things. You'll be amazed by how quickly she'll pick things up (like letters, reading, etc.) once she's she's the appropriate age to hit those benchmarks. I know it's easier said than done but try it to worry so much. You have years ahead of you to do that. Remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint