*rexy* and others re: bonding w/fetus

[FastHands]

RexManningDay and I forget who else was a part of this conversation, but I keep thinking about it. A few of is were saying how we didn't really feel connected to the baby growing inside. I was worried about whether that would translate to not bonding once the dude got here, or what would happen.. I know everyone has a different experience when their baby is born and we've talked before about how the bond doesn't always come right away, but I wanted to say that it doesn't appear to be linked to how you feel during pregnancy, necessarily.

Part of my freakout at being sent for induction was that I wasn't emotionally. I kept telling myself that it would come in the last few weeks of pregnancy... any day now... And then I was out of days. And when he was born and they gave me his tiny grody body, I was overcome not with love or joy but fear. WHAT IF I DON'T LOVE YOU?! IS THIS WHEN IT'S SUPPPOSED TO HAPPEN?! lol After the chaos died down, things were better. And I remember thinking that first night when it was just the 2of us, "we're gonna be ok."

And now, a bit less than a week later, all I know is I will cut anyone who tries to hurt him, and I want to squish him till he pops. Whether that's what most ppl feel or not, idk or really care. It's workin for me.

So yeah, long sappy story short -- just cause you feel more like you have a weird parasite than carrying a blessed miracle (even when it is a very wanted/planned pregnancy), don't stress it. You'll feel what you're going to feel on your own schedule.

[shekels1222]

For me I felt bonded to DS while I was pregnant with him, but didn't feel that immediate rush of omg so in love with this tiny baby when he was born. The maternal protective instinct was overwhelming when he was born but the heart aching wanna squeeze him to pieces type of love came a few months later.

I felt like a terrible mother at the time but now I know it's normal and not indicative of how good of a mom you are or how much you love your kid. It's hormonal. It's new. It's totally normal.

[Deleted]

The whole thing about being pregnant is pretty weird--there is this strange whole new person living inside of you! I imagine lots of people feel lots of different things.

It doesn't feel at all real to me, but I'm only 13weeks, so I am not really even showing. Mostly it's just a little parasite wrecking my digestive system:).

I'm glad you're feeling good now. I tend to be an optimist and think everyone will figure it out pretty shortly. Even if it takes a little time after the baby is born.

[Deleted]

Aug 27, 2014 12:30:42 GMT -5 cab1217 said:

I am so happy to read this
People keep asking me if I am ready to have the little guy out already, and I really really want to tell them "NOPE." I just don't feel that "I want to meet you already" feeling that so many talk about. It makes me worry that I won't be in love with my baby enough :/
So much of this still doesn't feel real!

I have a week left (give or take, of course) and I am STILL feeling this way.

I've had so many people - family, friends, people at work - who seem to be more excited than I am that she could be here any day. DH is probably the most excited. I'm like "but I still have to do this, and this, and this, and this before she gets here so she better stay put!!!" and run away in a panic!

[mrspost08]

Aw this is soooo sweet!!!! I love it!

[LaceyV]

I'm glad you posted this. With DD we had tried for a really long time to get pregnant and I felt bonded with her while she was still in me. But with this pregnancy I don't feel bonded at all and it makes me feel guilty. I worry that I won't love this next baby as much as I love DD. And that our families won't love them as much. I know its totally irrational and everyone including myself will love this baby just as much but I can't help feel scared/worried/nervous etc.

[ringstrue]

Is this the advantage of having a giant 8lb baby take up half your body? That I feel I "know" him already? lol.

[narockshard]

I just wanted to add that I felt very connected to my baby in utero, but the first few weeks with the newborn were SO hard and I didn't really feel that overwhelming love right away. It took a good several weeks before I felt the heart melting kind of love (I definitely felt a dutiful love, like I wanted to do whatever I could to make her happy/healthy, but it felt more like work, if that makes sense). So don't feel bad if you don't feel it right away after they are born either; I had heard this could happen but I kept wondering when/if I would ever have that heart melting kind of love. It definitely happened, once we both figured each other out better I think 

[FastHands]

Aug 27, 2014 13:46:28 GMT -5 @mrsspunky said:

Aug 27, 2014 12:30:42 GMT -5 cab1217 said:

I am so happy to read this
People keep asking me if I am ready to have the little guy out already, and I really really want to tell them "NOPE." I just don't feel that "I want to meet you already" feeling that so many talk about. It makes me worry that I won't be in love with my baby enough :/
So much of this still doesn't feel real!

I have a week left (give or take, of course) and I am STILL feeling this way.

I've had so many people - family, friends, people at work - who seem to be more excited than I am that she could be here any day. DH is probably the most excited. I'm like "but I still have to do this, and this, and this, and this before she gets here so she better stay put!!!" and run away in a panic!

I had a student working for me for the summer. Girl just met me and after every appt would ask details and squee. It made me feel like total shit that I was not feeling that but was wrapped up in things to get done and also a healthy dose of sheer terror. I HATED the "omg you must be so excited to meet him!!" It's just so matter-of-fact, like there clearly is no other way to feel. Oh, ok, cool. I'm just broken. Got it. Lol

[rbp]

Aug 27, 2014 15:04:54 GMT -5 narockshard said:

the first few weeks with the newborn were SO hard and I didn't really feel that overwhelming love right away. It took a good several weeks before I felt the heart melting kind of love (I definitely felt a dutiful love, like I wanted to do whatever I could to make her happy/healthy, but it felt more like work, if that makes sense). 

Ugh, this is where I am. I love him because he's mine and I have to, but at the same time he's just this squishy little lump that sucks on my boobs and keeps me up all night. Good thing he's cute! I am hopeful that I will grow to love him as he becomes more person-like.

[sillygoosegirl]

Aug 27, 2014 12:30:42 GMT -5 cab1217 said:

I am so happy to read this
People keep asking me if I am ready to have the little guy out already, and I really really want to tell them "NOPE." I just don't feel that "I want to meet you already" feeling that so many talk about. It makes me worry that I won't be in love with my baby enough :/
So much of this still doesn't feel real!

I am so ready to have this baby out... so I can hand him/her to DH, so I can sit in the hot tub with a big glass of wine and pile of raw milk soft cheese.  Just 2-3 more months...