My friend and co-worker has dealt with an ED when she was in high school and was even hospitalized. I am really worried about her. She has taken on so many responsibilities, including teaching (this will be her second year). She doesn't live near school, so she is constantly driving back and forth to do the things she has taken on. Her days are jam packed! She has been so busy all summer. She told me that Labor Day weekend is her weekend to relax. And I know that certain people thrive on being busy and having lots of things to do to fill the day, but I hope she doesn't wear herself out.
Here is what I notice. When we go out to eat or to a bar, or we eat at work, she immediately goes to the bathroom and might go again within 10 minutes. I know, I know, people use the bathroom after they eat, but this is every single time, and sometimes multiple times. It just makes me wonder if she is having some disordered thoughts about food and body image (she is super tiny and has lost some weight over the summer)? I wonder if she is doing this because it is the one thing she has control over, because she has taken so much on and fears failing? I don't know.
Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions, but with her history it sure makes me wonder and I'm worried.
Ugh, that's rough. Is it possible she's having stomach issues? IBS or gallbladder issues can make people use the bathroom frequently, especially after eating a meal.
Your worried because she's busy, skinny, and uses the restroom a lot?
If she seems stressed, ask her if she's feeling ok and maybe wants to join you for a spa day or something. If she wants to talk to you about it she will. If you're wrong you risk seriously offending her. Heck you might offend her even if you're right.
No. Did you read what I said? She has a history of ED. I'm her friend. Aren't I allowed to be worried and concerned?
You are allowed to be worried and concerned, but do not bring it up to her. Be there for her if she brings it up to you, but do not be the one to initiate the conversation.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
No. Did you read what I said? She has a history of ED. I'm her friend. Aren't I allowed to be worried and concerned?
I'm sorry, my brain totally skipped that part. But I still don't think you should outright ask her unless you think it has gotten really bad and she's in danger. All you can do is be supportive and let her know that you're there. Is her family involved? They are probably the best ones to approach her if it's getting bad again
Her mom also has a history of ED and her father has been abusive in the past (physical I think?). She lives in a different state than them, I don't blame her. It's quite sad actually. She is an amazing person who kicks ass at her job, I just don't want to see her get sick.
Post by miniroller on Aug 27, 2014 20:33:20 GMT -5
In my limited experience, she'll know that you know & pp's are right in letting her make the first move, conversationally. After you've set up a time & place for whatever- I'm afraid you might just have to see if she approaches the topic. Maybe you can skirt around things a bit by asking how she's coping with all the craziness? I can't imagine how tough this would be Is she married? Does she have family close? Just curious how wide her social circle is, or if you know. If she doesn't have very many close connections, I'd definitely be more apt to push the topic more. Good luck, OP.
Post by pittsmcgee on Aug 27, 2014 20:58:11 GMT -5
I am happy you are concerned, but as someone who has dealt with bulimia and control issues for 17 years, if you approach it too directly, she will feel threatened and defensive. Be there, be available. Ask her how she's doing and if she's handling the stress ok and let her know you are there for her for anything without judgement and with absolute secrecy. She may open up eventually.