How would this make you feel

[sofamonkey]

A bunch of friends are getting together for a girls night out.  We will be doing dinner/drinks, then a show.  The tickets ended up being $90 each, which is fine.  I didn't name a specific dollar amount when she asked about it, just that I wanted to be able to see well but not pay top dollar. 

The organizer emailed me saying that she could kick in the rest past what I had wanted to spend.  I just replied saying that the $$ was fine & I was excited for a girls night out.  I double checked, and the email was JUST to me.  I'm torn about it.  I mean, we are fairly close, and it was a nice offer.  I haven't indicated any money issues to her though.  I Am not sure where to go with my mixed bag of feelings, so I thought I would see how others took this. 

Thanks in advance. 

~SM

[VeryViolet]

Maybe she sent it to everyone individually so there wasn't a bunch of reply alls on a sensitive issue?

ETA I realized I didn't actually answer your question. I might be a little WTF at first and then assume the above and not think about it again.

[Yankees21]

That is weird. Your response was perfect though.

[SKP82]

I wouldn't put too much thought into it. If you're friends, she probably was probably being nice in case you didn't want to go due to the price.

[sofamonkey]

Yeah, I thought about the possibility of her emailing people individually. Given the group of people, it is unlikely. She knows that I am working 7 days a week right now. She knows things are tight, but fine. We go on vacation with each other every other year, but usually every year. We are the godparents of her kid. She knows us. It was probably just to me.

I am thinking I should just ignore it & hope she doesn't think we are exceedingly poor. Just regular not poor-poor. lol

[tacocat]

I would just take it as a nice offer, not an indication of any thoughts on you.

[sofamonkey]

I also hate asking people for anything ever. :/ I am probably overly sensitive for that fact alone.

[ralphlauren]

I think you are over thinking it. Go and have fun

[sofamonkey]

Aug 27, 2014 21:54:38 GMT -5 ralphlauren said:

I think you are over thinking it. Go and have fun

Oh, I am going to have fun!!  LOL! 

Yeah, I am probably over thinking things.  Ya know, for a change. 

[dexteroni]

Aug 27, 2014 21:53:13 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

She knows that I am working 7 days a week right now. She knows things are tight, but fine.

Oh. Well then this is why she asked. Your OP made it sound like she had zero idea about your financial situation, but she clearly has some idea. It was nice of her to offer rather than risk having you back out or spend more than you wanted to. I've seen so many "I can't believe they're asking us to spend $XX; I don't have that kind of money" posts on here that it's kind of nice to see someone being proactive about it.

But I get that money issues come with emotions. Try not to hold it against her, though. Unless she has a history of being condescending or shitty (she doesn't, does she?), she was probably just trying to be helpful.

[sofamonkey]

Aug 27, 2014 22:01:12 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Aug 27, 2014 21:53:13 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

She knows that I am working 7 days a week right now. She knows things are tight, but fine.

Oh. Well then this is why she asked. Your OP made it sound like she had zero idea about your financial situation, but she clearly has some idea. It was nice of her to offer rather than risk having you back out or spend more than you wanted to. I've seen so many "I can't believe they're asking us to spend $XX; I don't have that kind of money" posts on here that it's kind of nice to see someone being proactive about it.

But I get that money issues come with emotions. Try not to hold it against her, though. Unless she has a history of being condescending or shitty (she doesn't, does she?), she was probably just trying to be helpful.

I am terrible at conveying things.  I said we were close, so in my mind that covered things!    I work less than 40 hours per week, it is just spread out over 7 days. 

And she isn't at all condescending, she is a sweetheart.  I won't hold it against her.  I just, I dunno, feel self-conscious I guess.  It's mostly on me, and I see that. 

But you guys think it is kind weird, so I am not completely crazy!!

[dexteroni]

Aug 27, 2014 22:08:20 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

Aug 27, 2014 22:01:12 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Try not to hold it against her, though. Unless she has a history of being condescending or shitty (she doesn't, does she?), she was probably just trying to be helpful.

Am I missing something? Why would this be anything other than a friend trying to be helpful?

Because some people are bitches who like to make other people feel bad about sensitive issues, even when it's a friend.

[bohemianmango]

She sounds like a considerate friend who's just looking out for a friend. She probably has an idea of how hard you work and wants you to have fun without any worries.

[Deleted]

I think this is a pretty kick ass friend thing to do. She really wants you there and doesn't want money to be the reason you can't go. And I would think someone working 7 days a week would struggle to pay $90 for a ticket for no other reason then working 7 days a week usually isn't something people do for fun.

[cville]

She probably felt bad about putting you on the hook for whatever the difference was between your ideal cap and $90, and thought of her offer as taking "responsibility" for that extra cost since she was the one who bought the tickets. I've done something similar when I felt like my ideas were costing OTHER people money (regardless of their financial circumstances), because I just want everyone to have a good time with no hard feelings like "yeah, I would get a second drink but that spendthrift bitch made us take a cab here." You know? So it was a kindly meant, non-condescending gesture.

[TC]

I would think this was totally thoughtful, and would be pleased to have a friend who values a good time with me enough to chip in for it if need be. There is nothing to hold against her, it sounds like she is just aware that it is a fairly large amount.

Full disclosure, I am HUGELY generous with my friends when we have the money for it. Gift giving makes me happy. So I might be biased.

[sofamonkey]

Aug 27, 2014 22:12:39 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Aug 27, 2014 22:08:20 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

Am I missing something? Why would this be anything other than a friend trying to be helpful?

Because some people are bitches who like to make other people feel bad about sensitive issues, even when it's a friend.

Oh, yeah I am  not friends with those people.  Nuh uh, nope, no way!

[sofamonkey]

Aug 27, 2014 22:16:24 GMT -5 cville said:

She probably felt bad about putting you on the hook for whatever the difference was between your ideal cap and $90, and thought of her offer as taking "responsibility" for that extra cost since she was the one who bought the tickets. I've done something similar when I felt like my ideas were costing OTHER people money (regardless of their financial circumstances), because I just want everyone to have a good time with no hard feelings like "yeah, I would get a second drink but that spendthrift bitch made us take a cab here." You know? So it was a kindly meant, non-condescending gesture.

This made me LOL a lot! 

[sergey]

I've been the friend to offer and it's awkward on that end too. Just take it for the sincere gesture it was; you had a great response and have a good time.

[dexteroni]

Aug 27, 2014 22:37:13 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

Aug 27, 2014 22:12:39 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Because some people are bitches who like to make other people feel bad about sensitive issues, even when it's a friend.

Given the information here, that is very clearly not the case.

She didn't clarify that this friend isn't like that until after I mentioned it. I don't get what your problem is.

[sofamonkey]

Aug 27, 2014 22:37:13 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

Aug 27, 2014 22:12:39 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Because some people are bitches who like to make other people feel bad about sensitive issues, even when it's a friend.

Given the information here, that is very clearly not the case.

I am a terrible explainer of all things.  Really. 

[dexteroni]

Aug 27, 2014 22:42:26 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

Aug 27, 2014 22:37:13 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

Given the information here, that is very clearly not the case.

I am a terrible explainer of all things.  Really. 

You're not!

[elleblue]

Maybe she made the offer because you had stipulated "well enough to see" and the tickets you all ended up with were at a higher price point than that would indicate? It doesn't necessarily mean she thinks you're poor, only that she thought you didn't expect to spend that much for your ticket. 

[sofamonkey]

Aug 27, 2014 22:43:51 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Aug 27, 2014 22:42:26 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

I am a terrible explainer of all things.  Really. 

You're not!

I really am.  Lol.  I work at a Starbucks drive through & I frequently ask people if I can make anything else ridiculously difficult for them.  LOL.  The key is to do it with HUMOR!  Well, at least that gets ya tips. 

[dexteroni]

Aug 27, 2014 22:46:39 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

Aug 27, 2014 22:41:19 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

She didn't clarify that this friend isn't like that until after I mentioned it. I don't get what your problem is.

My problem is that you are wrong. Hope this helps.

Based on the number of past posts about supposed close friends that we later learn are actually kind of shitty friends, it was a possibility. But you seem to want to fight about something, so go right ahead. I'm not a part of it though.

[karmasabiotch]

Enjoy the night. Font sorry about the email . She asked you answered. End of story..

[livinitup]

I would think it was a nice gester, and glad I did not need it.

[sofamonkey]

Aug 27, 2014 22:53:01 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

Aug 27, 2014 22:51:22 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Based on the number of past posts about supposed close friends that we later learn are actually kind of shitty friends, it was a possibility. But you seem to want to fight about something, so go right ahead. I'm not a part of it though.

Yes, I'm angling for an epic throw down about how I give sofa monkey's friend the benefit of the doubt and think she's simply being a generous friend.

::throws mayonnaise:: 

STOP FIGHTING!  YOU ARE GIVING ME GAS!