You just sent chills down my body. What a terrible thing to witness and to happen to that poor man. You are allowed to feel emotions about this. Let it happen.
Hey ladies. I was super busy today which turned out to be the best distraction. So I'm going to type out the story because it seems to make me feel better to tell the story.
But first, to answer how I'm doing today. I'm ok. Not as shaken up as I was yesterday but really still very affected by it and am having a hard time with continuing to replay the incident in my mind. Which is why work has been a good distraction, I guess. So here's what happened...
I was sitting on the aisle and he was in the aisle seat across from me. I noticed he was in some kind of distress when we were boarding but I thought he was nervous or something. I didn't think he was physically ill. Honestly, given the world we live in today, I thought he had something in his bag that he was hiding because he kept reaching it. So I thought he was nervous about what he had/getting caught. Or at least that was my fleeting thought. I will say though, I KNEW and I mean, I really KNEW that something bad was going to go down with this guy. So we start taxing on the runway and we take off. I had my eyes closed and I heard what sounded like snoring. I looked over and within moments realized he wasn't snoring but gasping for air. At the same time, the woman on his other side and I started trying to shake him awake. I think I thought if I woke him up he'd be fine. He was completely unresponsive and all color drained from him as I watched. I jumped up and yelled to the flight attendants that this man wasn't breathing. A woman who is a nurse heard me and rushed over. Two other guys rushed to us, I'm kneeled down next to him at this point, holding him up because he's falling over. The two guys each grabbed an end of his body and laid him on the floor. The nurse started doing chest compressions. At this point she was not getting any pulse. A doctor finally emerged (I think it took him a minute to realize what was going on). and he brought the defibrillator. Got a pulse and tried to put an oxygen tube down his chest. They had trouble so the doctor started prepping to cut his throat but then at the last minute the nurse got the tube in place. The nurse had me monitoring his pulse and while all of this is happening I realize his pulse has stopped again. So they shocked him again. Nothing. Shocked him a third time and got a very very weak and erratic pulse. So the nurse returned to chest compressions. Meanwhile the pilot has turned the plane around and done an emergency landing. Paramedics rush on, get the history of what happened to that point and carry him off.
They kept up the CPR but didn't get a pulse back before they left with him. So I guess technically I don't know that he's dead but he sure looked it to me. I mean, he was completely devoid of color. And guys, it was violent. I mean like, it looked so awful, him trying to breathe and not being able. I'm just grateful he was completely unresponsive the while time. I hope it means he didn't realize what was happening.
I read this like three times and still can't imagine how scary, sad, and horrifying this must have been.
It sounds like you really kept your cool and aided the professionals in a level-headed manner, despite the awfulness of the situation. You are a rock star.
You *are* a rockstar. You did everything you could have possibly done to help him. I hope that knowledge can bring you some sort of comfort.
Remember earlier this year when I was walking behind that girl who was hit by a car? I was shaken up for days and she was absolutely fine. And I walked away knowing that.
The point is that your feelings are normal. It was a traumatic situation for everyone involved. It's going to take time to process. I hope that each day gets easier and if you want to talk it out further, please do so. We're all virtually holding your hand.
I just want to echo everything that Muddled said and add some (((hugs))). I can't imagine how I would react to that situation, but terror and lingering distress sounds right. Hope you're doing better!