This is the same woman who demands to be called the Glamma instead of Grandma.
My husband thinks it's ridiculous but basically ignores her/doesn't say anything to her and always likes to keep peace, so basically just says ok or uhhuh to everything she says (while really not paying attention). She has taken to only calling and texting me because she knows I feel too guilty to not respond.
This last bit is telling. If your H knows she ridiculous and ignores her, I suggest you do the same and forget the guilt.
The whole situation is insane. Let your H deal with or not deal with his family, but don't let them treat you and E poorly, dictate what you wear, how much you pay for her party, etc. That's beyond the pale.Maybe have a conversation with your H about how this effects you and ask him to step up deal with his own family crap rather than letting it fall to you and making you the bad guy because he doesn't want to.
No. She is asking you to pay $2K for your portion, telling you what to wear, and to have your baby in a suit???
Just no. I am ragey at her on your behalf!
She told us that we have to split it with one of DH's brothers. The other brother she said does not have to pay because he cannot afford it. She dictated her EX HUSBAND will get the cake that she has chosen.
E is so adorable in red! Unfortunately, i have to say that I've seen programs at birthday events but I'm Nigerian and some of us tend to do weird things and can be over the top with parties!
I have great in-laws for the most part, but there is absolutely no way I'd be forking over $2000 to pay for anyone's birthday, and most especially if I wasn't part of the decision-making process. I think you have to let go of any guilt about not responding. Just because you are married doesn't mean you are responsible for his family. Ideally he would step up to the plate and tell MIL to go through him instead of you, but if he won't you have the right to tell (not ask) her that's how it will work moving forward. He ignores her? That's something for them to work out, not you to fix.
I haven't read the responses to this but OMG. I can't believe this shit really does happen. The few times I've watched The Bridezillas show, I thought that it had to be totally scripted. But apparently people really over insane like that. She's a birthday-zilla!
Second, she just signed you up for a party that is $2,000 per contributor AND she picks who is contributing?! That's insane and somewhat insulting to the brother who isn't contributing. Is she always this crazy or is she just a birthday-party-zilla? (I think I can guess the answer to this.)
Post by lasagnasshole on Aug 28, 2014 8:46:00 GMT -5
I'll be the one who says it: You don't just have a MIL problem. You have a husband problem, too. The fact that he ignores her/goes along with whatever she wants to keep the peace and lets you handle things? No. He needs to step up and push back when her crazy flares or you're going to be going along with insanity to keep the peace for the rest of her life.
I'll be the one who says it: You don't just have a MIL problem. You have a husband problem, too. The fact that he ignores her/goes along with whatever she wants to keep the peace and lets you handle things? No. He needs to step up and push back when her crazy flares or you're going to be going along with insanity to keep the peace for the rest of her life.
This is true. All issues with batshit insane parents should be dealt with by his/her son/daughter, and not by the poor in-law.
I'll be the one who says it: You don't just have a MIL problem. You have a husband problem, too. The fact that he ignores her/goes along with whatever she wants to keep the peace and lets you handle things? No. He needs to step up and push back when her crazy flares or you're going to be going along with insanity to keep the peace for the rest of her life.
This is true. All issues with batshit insane parents should be dealt with by his/her son/daughter, and not by the poor in-law.
And the fact that she even thought this would be halfway appropriate tells me he's been going along with her crazy for years in the name of "keeping the peace." But is it really peace if you're held hostage by her insanity?
I'll be the one who says it: You don't just have a MIL problem. You have a husband problem, too. The fact that he ignores her/goes along with whatever she wants to keep the peace and lets you handle things? No. He needs to step up and push back when her crazy flares or you're going to be going along with insanity to keep the peace for the rest of her life.
Yup. And really- he's not "ignoring" her. ALL his "ignoring" means is that you all do exactly what she wants. If anything, he's ignoring YOU because he knows this is all ridiculous but he's too afraid to say "no" to mommy. So he just doesn't do anything and let's you deal with it (which really is YOUR choice too).
She does this shit and gets away with it because clearly NO ONE will say "boo" to her.
I'll be the one who says it: You don't just have a MIL problem. You have a husband problem, too. The fact that he ignores her/goes along with whatever she wants to keep the peace and lets you handle things? No. He needs to step up and push back when her crazy flares or you're going to be going along with insanity to keep the peace for the rest of her life.
Yup. And really- he's not "ignoring" her. ALL his "ignoring" means is that you all do exactly what she wants. If anything, he's ignoring YOU because he knows this is all ridiculous but he's too afraid to say "no" to mommy. So he just doesn't do anything and let's you deal with it (which really is YOUR choice too).
She does this shit and gets away with it because clearly NO ONE will say "boo" to her.
Yup. I am sure she interprets his silence as tacit agreement.
When is this party supposed to be? That would make a difference in what I would recommend. Early stages of planning - I would give my DH input and keep my mouth shut on the subject to anyone else. Late stages - say nothing, but dress as you wish, but do attend. What do you hope to accomplish here, what is your relationship with MIL like and how important is it to you? to DH?
If MIL planned this on her own, she obviously was hoping her children would offer to host a party for her, but they did not, so she took this on --- or else she does not have enough to do in her life and is control crazy.
That is some party! Is she in poor health and thinks she will not see 65 or 70?
She freaked out and told me that E looks awful in red and to never dress him in it again a few months ago. She also said stripes are not his thing. She claimed to be surprised since red is her best color.
I am going to text the cousin now and ask what the program book would entail. I'll update when I know more.
Honestly, I wouldn't be kicking in $2k for a party that someone else is throwing in their own honor. I wouldn't be wearing matching clothing and if someone said my kid couldn't wear red, you could be damn sure he would be head to two in red.