Post by litebright on Sept 2, 2014 13:18:48 GMT -5
I got a text this morning from my sister asking if I wanted to do a cleanse with her. I told her it would depend on which one; she wants to do a David Kirsch cleanse. I have no idea about any of this stuff and I'm pretty happy with my exercise program right now; but paying extra attention to my eating, even going somewhat intense for a short period, would probably not be a bad thing for me.
The problem: My sister has a track record of an ED that dates back to high school (she is in her 30s) for which she received intensive counseling in her early 20s. She has done very well with it in recent years to the best of my knowledge; she has said that she struggled somewhat when pregnant & a bit postpartum, her kids are now 3 and almost 2. I live halfway across the country from her and I would NOT necessarily know if she's struggling again. I'm not 100% sure she'd be honest with me if I asked, either.
I'm kind of curious about trying a cleanse, but I have no desire whatsoever to 1) possibly contribute to her backsliding on disordered eating, or to a lesser degree 2) spend a lot of money or 3) be miserable.
Would you pass entirely, given the history? Suggest a different cleanse (if you've done one and had a good experience, I could use suggestions/ideas) or approach, or maybe some other healthy "project" we could do together from a distance? She has a very hard time fitting in exercise due to her schedule as a nurse and having two young kids, one of whom has recurring-although-minor health issues and rarely sleeps well, so I can see why a non-exercise approach is attractive. But I'm concerned that while it would just be an experiment for me, it could be something potentially very loaded for her.
It's also in the back of my mind that to wonder if part of the reason she asked me -- who is far away -- is that it's easier to hide any issues from me, as well as tell the people that she sees every day that she is doing X or Y because it's something we're doing together.
After writing this all out it seems like it's a not a good idea. But still, give me any thoughts.
I would pass on doing it with her. It may not be, but as someone who struggled with anorexia for many years (and I still do), a cleanse with a friend is an excellent "excuse" to restrict. Even better if it's someone who lives far away, so they can't keep me accountable and other people can't check in with them.
I would not do this. If she is looking to clean up her eating, then maybe suggest a clean eating/whole 30 type approach. A restrictive cleanse just seems like a really bad idea with her history.
I can google, but what is the jist of the cleanse? Is it clean eating for a specified period of time? Or is it juices/shakes/extreme dieting?
I looked it up briefly and I think there are special shakes to buy. I haven't talked to her so I have no idea why she picked this particular one.
Then I went down the Google hole of articles about eating disorders and cleanses and now I've got a bad feeling and am worried about her.
Yeah, I googled it and I strongly suggest you don't do this with her.
If you want a health "project" can I suggest a clean eating challenge? Or food logging to keep each other accountable? Or planning workouts you both do with check-ins?
ETA: While the link says that a few days of this kind of thing won't hurt you, I could easily see this spiraling into some disordered eating for someone who has had issues in the past.
If you can't have an open and honest conversation about her history and this cleanse, then what's the point in supporting her to do it this with your participation ?
No no no. Restrictive cleanses like this aren't healthy for people who aren't recovering from EDs, nevermind those who are. Not to mention, if you're focusing on cleaning up your eating this isn't going to achieve any of YOUR goals either. All around bad idea.
No, I would not. Personal Antidote: I have a long history with a purging disorder and have been in recovery for ~14-16 months now from my latest battle. I tried a cleanse 8ish months ago with the half-hope that it would help me back slide. It didn't, and I am grateful for that, but given my own motivates for trying one I would not recommend supporting her in this endeavor.
If you can't have an open and honest conversation about her history and this cleanse, then what's the point in supporting her to do it this with your participation ?
Don't be dickish. She said nothing that would indicate she can't have an "open and honest conversation."
I wouldn't do this EVAH, and never with someone who has an ED.
Post by cinnamoncox on Sept 2, 2014 13:50:48 GMT -5
Could you tell her you are concerned about this given her history? You would be happy to clean up your diet together and share recipes that are whole, healthy ingredients that focus on nutrition and are easy enough to make.
Since she has small kids she has to cook proper meals anyway. Suggest a healthy caloric daily goal and try to create meal plans?
Good luck. It sounds like a difficult situation and I hope you find a resolution that's healthy for everyone involved.
Post by litebright on Sept 2, 2014 14:13:35 GMT -5
Thanks, guys. My initial reaction to her text was rather naive and along the lines of, "she's asking me to do something with her even though we're far apart!" (which is kind of a big thing, considering that I see her like once a year). I had no idea she was pitching something so calorie-restricted and I'm going to have to figure out how to address it with her and see how she's doing. Thanks for the info, fuckstick and toledo.
Definite no to a cleanse. Maaaaybe to Whole 30 or the like. I'm really wary of being used as a justification for restricting her eating in any way. And I worry about what she might be doing (or not doing) on her own as well.
Thanks, guys. My initial reaction to her text was rather naive and along the lines of, "she's asking me to do something with her even though we're far apart!" (which is kind of a big thing, considering that I see her like once a year). I had no idea she was pitching something so calorie-restricted and I'm going to have to figure out how to address it with her and see how she's doing. Thanks for the info, fuckstick and toledo.
Definite no to a cleanse. Maaaaybe to Whole 30 or the like. I'm really wary of being used as a justification for restricting her eating in any way. And I worry about what she might be doing (or not doing) on her own as well.
Being someone with an ED, I think you should absolutely pass. If she wants to do this to "better her health," then I think your idea of just encouraging a healthy lifestyle.
I have been one myself to try and get my husband on board with a juice "cleanse." It was 100% intended to be my way of restricting without my husband figuring it out as such. I worded it as I "wanted to do this cleanse because it is so good for me and I care so much about my body that I want to do it for the health benefits." No....it was totally ED motivated. I didn't do the cleanse BTW;)