awkward conflict, how should I respond

[disappointedkittens]

TLDR - another mom says I humiliated her because I didn't agree that an early childcare center should have to offer programs for school aged kids.  I don't want things to be weird with us but think she's being overly sensitive.

I attend lots of activities at an early childhood learning center here that is free, and there are 2 locations with a 3rd opening soon.  They provide programming for children birth to 6.  I see a lot of the same moms, and there is on with an infant, 3 year old and 6 year old who attend frequently, I think almost every day.  

Today just me and the mom were visiting with the lady who runs the center and since they are making some changes she asked if we had feedback.  Other mom started going off about how there are activities there for her 6 year old and how she feels that it's anti-homeschooling, and not ALL 6 year olds are in school.  She asked if I agreed and I said no, I think that the center is an excellent resource for early childhood, which is an important goal right now for the department of education.  The employee said that her 6 year old is welcome to continue to participate in any programs and she could look into what sort of programs outside of the center may be available for kids his age.

I thought it was NBD but I got a FB message from her that basically says that we ganged up on her and humiliated her, and that she won't be attending that location anymore and that me and employee are the reason.  She also said something about people like me being the reason that unschooling is so difficult.  I think she sent it asap after, maybe in the heat of the moment.  I am thinking I should either ignore for a day or so or say something like "I am sorry to hear you were upset by our conversation, I did not intend to embarrass you. I hope to see you again some day" 

Truthfully I don't think I did anything wrong and I think she is reacting to her own insecurities about unschooling since I never even mentioned it, and she constantly brings up how people don't do enough to support her unschooling efforts (ie babysit more etc since she can't send her kid to school).  The thing is though, I plan on switching to the newest center when it opens so I imagine I will be seeing her lots in the future and I don't want things to be weird between us.  What should I do?

[ssmjlm]

Sept 2, 2014 13:56:07 GMT -5 gravytrain225 said:

I wouldn't do anything. Smile at her and be cordial in the future but she sounds nuts.

This.

Seriously, yes, if you have a 6 year old, IMO they need to be in school.  Even if it's just a pre-school.  They should be preparing for elementary school.

[Deleted]

I would laugh and hit delete.

[Deleted]

Sept 2, 2014 13:56:07 GMT -5 gravytrain225 said:

I wouldn't do anything. Smile at her and be cordial in the future but she sounds nuts.

Yup.  I would smile, say "hi how are you" and move on. 

[urbancowgirl]

If you decide to write back, I think your proposed response sounds good. But I would leave out the last sentence. Lol.

[Willis Jackson]

OMG that people like you are the reason unschooling is so difficult. Please.

[biogirl21]

I would try my best to ignore. I would be really tempted to tell her she's crazy and that it isn't the world's responsibility to cater to her and her 'unschooling'

[ECB]

O.k. - I'm a little confused.  Because she home schools, she DOESN'T want there to be activities at the center for her 6 year old?  But then why is it o.k. to have stuff for younger kids?  What does she think the cut-off should be? 

I'm trying to understand what her issue is.

That being said... it's HER issue.  The employee asked your opinion, you gave it.  At most, I'd reply w/ what you said here and just leave it at that.  And as gravy said, if you do see her, just smile and be cordial.

[lilac05]

I think what you wrote is fine, though I would leave out the last sentence.

Parents who choose to homeschool or unschool have to understand that, unless they live in an area with a large homeschool population, there won't be programs for school-age children during the day. Funding is so, so tight for all of these programs. There IS a program for her child...public school. She chooses not to send her child there, which is fine, but she can't expect someone else to have an alternative program for her. It sounds like she's defensive and insecure about her decision to unschool. (& dare I say, she probably isn't doing unschool "right" if she's looking for structured general programs daily for her child. That kind of goes against the unschool philosophy.)

Parents like her give homeschool & unschool parents a bad name.

[charlotteandwilbur]

Sept 2, 2014 13:59:19 GMT -5 tulips said:

Random:
Is unschooling the new term for homeschooling?

From what I understand, while home schoolers might use a pre packaged curriculum or have a set schedule (e.g., at 10am we work on reading, then we do math, etc.), unschoolers don't believe in anything beyond "the school of life."

[Deleted]

Yeah... No. I would not waste my energy on someone like this, as it will be the first of many times you "hurt her feelings". Not worth it.

[urbancowgirl]

Sept 2, 2014 14:04:47 GMT -5 @this said:

Wait, unschool is a real thing? I thought it was just something I saw on Wife Swap.

What's the difference between homeschooling and unschooling? (Not snarky, I really don't know.)

I was just about to ask the exact same question.

[arch01]

Delete and move on.

[ECB]

Sept 2, 2014 14:04:47 GMT -5 @this said:

Wait, unschool is a real thing? I thought it was just something I saw on Wife Swap.

What's the difference between homeschooling and unschooling? (Not snarky, I really don't know.)

I looked it up - it seems that unschooling is a subset of homeschooling and is basically you learn through just living life.  There doesn't seem to be much structure - where as homeschool (as best I can tell) does still involve following a curriculum and having structured school time. 

[Deleted]

She's a speshul snowflake who can't deal with any disagreement and wants accomodations for her speshul snowflake unschooled kid.

DEFRIEND.

[havarti]

She sounds too uptight to unschool.

[Deleted]

I think unschooling is basically learning through free play, but with no age cutoff.

[gibbinator]

I'm also kind of confused about what she wanted for her 6 year old. She was asking if you agree they should cater to older kids? Anyway, yeah, she over reacted. Your feedback is as valid as hers.

[pippa]

I want to quote half the the stuff in this thread and say THIS. Ignore and delete the message, unfriend, etc. I would be cordial in the future if you happen to run into her.

[disappointedkittens]

Crap I meant there aren't programs for him. And yes the impression I get is that unschooling is just learning through life. Like if they meet someone from france they go wiki france and maybe youtube a video of people speaking french or wharever

[lilac05]

Here's the wiki article on unschooling: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unschooling

I've known two families who have done unschooling. I feel like one did a good job of it, making sure their child had access to challenging/enriching activities that fit with their current interests, and used those activities to teach math, science, and writing concepts. It was really cool to see.

The other family did pretty much nothing. Their kids played all day. The mom wrote a blog for awhile about it. It seemed like she spent her day blogging and working on other side jobs to make money. They failed their children miserably that year. Thankfully, they realized it after only one year, did a more structured homeschool the following year, the. Decided to send their kids to public school after that.

I read a really good article about unschooling recently...I'll see if I can find it.

[hermione]

The absolute correct thing to do is not respond.

What I'd actually do is respond with, "I was asked my opinion and that's what I gave. I'm under no obligation to agree with you. I hope you enjoy your visits to the other center."

[GotWine]

I would ignore the comment and just be pleasant next time you cross paths. She is crazy if she thinks that having a different opinion than her on a topic means that you are ganging up on her.

[ECB]

Sept 2, 2014 14:13:41 GMT -5 hermione said:

The absolute correct thing to do is not respond.

What I'd actually do is respond with, "I was asked my opinion and that's what I gave. I'm under no obligation to agree with you. I hope you enjoy your visits to the other center."

The more I read and think about this... yeah, I'd be tempted to say this too.  I mean... come on.  Yes, clearly she is insecure but it's absolutely NOT on you to bolster her opinion, especially if you don't actually agree with it! 

but at a minimum, I think I would ignore.  I don't know that I'd really pander to her at all - no "sorry" because really, there is nothing for you to feel sorry about.

[Deleted]

She is clearly a bit off. I would try to avoid any interactions with her if possible.

[disappointedkittens]

Sept 2, 2014 14:10:20 GMT -5 gibbinator said:

I'm also kind of confused about what she wanted for her 6 year old. She was asking if you agree they should cater to older kids? Anyway, yeah, she over reacted. Your feedback is as valid as hers.

Yes she was saying isn't it so ridiculous there are no programs for him and I said that it wasn't ridiculous at all. I work (while not on leave) for the department of education and know that early learning is a priority and am happy to see the program succeed. I feel a bit protective of it because I think it's a great resource and I have gone lots of times when having a very hard day with baby C. It's like a safe place for me.

[Deleted]

I'd say "In the school of unschooled life you will encounter people that may or may not agree with you. Disagreeing is not equal to being offended. Consider my opinion today's lesson."

Really she's nuts. She's going to b*tch about what anybody tells her.

I'd let it go.

[tealblue]

From my quick research unschooling is free of any programs or lessons. So I think she sounds crazy and wants someone else to do the work for her. Which is fine. It's called public school.

I would ignore but would really want to respond to her and tell her that this center is for early childhood (up to kinder) and that you are allowed to not agree with her philosophies. And that she's crazy. The end.

[osulori]

You have nothing to apologize for. Just because she chooses to "unschool" (I cannot roll my eyes any harder at that term than I already am) does not mean the community has to provide activities for her school aged child. Beyond, ya know, public school.

[Deleted]

Sept 2, 2014 14:19:45 GMT -5 @this said:

Sept 2, 2014 14:12:44 GMT -5 disappointedkittens said:

Crap I meant there aren't programs for him. And yes the impression I get is that unschooling is just learning through life. Like if they meet someone from france they go wiki france and maybe youtube a video of people speaking french or wharever

Like PP said - there ARE publicly funded programs for her 6yo. IT'S CALLED PUBLIC SCHOOOL.

If you want to homeschool or "unschool" (which I can't even type without rolling my eyes) good on ya I guess, but then don't bitch that there aren't programs available.

I know, right? This is the point I don't get. If she needs a break and wants a lot of planned activities for her kid, she should send him/her to public school. What an idiot.