Well, I'd like to think that I wouldn't judge, but I'd probably be thinking that she's chasing after a guy that's not interested in getting married. Or that she's jumping the gun. Or that she's desperate. I know it's wrong, and that's it's none of my business, but that stuff would probably pop into my head in about a second, then I'd feel bad for thinking that stuff about a situation I know absolutely nothing about.
Judging someone just for not fitting into traditional gender roles sounds like a really good idea.
Well, I'd like to think that I wouldn't judge, but I'd probably be thinking that she's chasing after a guy that's not interested in getting married. Or that she's jumping the gun. Or that she's desperate. I know it's wrong, and that's it's none of my business, but that stuff would probably pop into my head in about a second, then I'd feel bad for thinking that stuff about a situation I know absolutely nothing about.
You really can't fathom that maybe the couple might be at a place where they both want to get married and it just doesn't matter who does the asking? You default straight to "Well if he hasn't proposed, he doesn't want to marry her." or "Wow, she must be desperate to chase around someone who clearly isn't interested."?
Maybe he has proposed and she wasn't ready, so they agreed that she would do the proposing when she was ready?
I had a combination this time around. Since I mostly set the pace for the relationship I told him when I was sure I wanted to marry him and then he went to buy a ring and proposed after a little time passed.
In my case HE really wanted a traditional proposal. I was neutral on the subject, so I let him do his thing. In the end we were both very happy with how it played out and that is what matters.
Well, I'd like to think that I wouldn't judge, but I'd probably be thinking that she's chasing after a guy that's not interested in getting married. Or that she's jumping the gun. Or that she's desperate. I know it's wrong, and that's it's none of my business, but that stuff would probably pop into my head in about a second, then I'd feel bad for thinking that stuff about a situation I know absolutely nothing about.
Hmm interesting.
I wonder why if the guy proposes, it's not assumed that he's jumping the gun or desperate?
Big proposals aren't much of a thing in my boyfriend's country, so I thought it'd be kind of cute to propose to him in a more formal way because I'm sure he'd really be shocked. We've talked extensively about marriage and he's actually the one who had more serious thoughts way before I did, so I'm definitely not desperate.
Post by Mrs.Rad888 on Sept 15, 2014 19:56:07 GMT -5
Look, I know it's wrong to judge a relationship I know nothing about. I said that! And for exactly the reasons you all stated. I also said I'd feel bad for making a snap judgement, I try not to do that, but sometimes judgemental-brain kicks in before reasonable-brain. I don't know if I even know any couples where the woman has proposed, it just doesn't matter. Of course, if I did, I'd never say anything besides "congratulations" and wish them the best, like I'd do for any couple. Trust me, TN and GBCN is doing a very good job showing me where my thinking was wrong, and I'm still learning.