Intro to me-

[g0nz0b0t]

Hi there everyone

Longtime lurker (from before the mass exodus)... Just posting for support and to get more involved since this is where I'm at currently. I've been trying to type this out for ages and I still don't know...

I'm separated from my husband of 8 years. This seems to be it. We just grew into lives that don't involve each other all that much but still love each other to a painful degree. But based on his definite language it seems like he's done. And I don't know why I'm not? I can see why this can't work but I still want to be with him so much- any advice for getting over it besides time? I'm staying with a friend and looking for an apartment tomorrow. I just can't stop crying about it even though I know it's probably for the best.

When it first happened I was the one who left and I guess now I'm just doubting my decision... Thanks- I know you're all cool people but still so stupid nervous...

[Deleted]

Welcome.  Time and therapy will help you move through this difficult time.  It can be an emotional roller coaster, but once you're settled into a new place, you will begin to feel better.  

[g0nz0b0t]

Thank you for the reply. I am in therapy (and we were in marriage counseling) and he seems to think my stbx is a narcissist.

It's weird because while I want him there is a mild excitement for my future. Terror and excitement.

[Stheneboea]

I could have written your post. I'm in the same place. I have no words of wisdom....just hugs.

[abcdefu]

Welcome! The ladies here are awesome!

I just want to say that you guys have been together/married? for eight years. That is a lot of time and you got comfortable with that life. Now that your life is changing it is hard to adjust to a new life. I promise though, once you get through the grieving and come to terms with your new life, it is so freeing. Therapy is a great tool to work through the grieving process.

You said you are apartment shopping. Just wait until you find one and can decorate it how you want and not consult with someone else. Wanna walk around naked? You can without worrying about inlaws barging in. You eventually start thinking this way and less about what was.

((hugs))

[Eureka1984]

Welcome! ((Hugs))

The ladies here are awesome. Like everyone else, time and therapy will help you heal.

[cuddlyevil]

I am sorry you are finding yourself here.

The others are right, therapy and time will help.

It takes time to get past the feeling of comfort that builds over eight years. You'll get there.

{{{hugs}}}

[g0nz0b0t]

Thanks everyone for the welcome and hugs.

We have been married for 8 years (own a home and dogs) but had been together for 6 years before that. I've basically known him half my life, we were best friends and blah. While I have my own interests and goals so much of my life revolved around his- I would comment to him during arguments that I was more personal assistant than wife, though he would always deny it... I've felt lonely for a long time even preceding our separation but now it's just so real.

I'm sure you are all right about time, therapy, adjusting. It's just so hard, making changes so huge. All while still loving him, it's tough.

[cuddlyevil]

You deserve better. You will find better. I promise

[athena3210]

Sorry to see you're here, but welcome. The separation was the toughest part of my divorce, but I made it through the other side (eventually) and so will you. (Hugs)

[tiffany81]

Welcome! I was also with my ex 6 years pre-marriage and 8 married. I knew him since month one of undergrad and have never been without him as an adult. I was scared shitless to be on my own and to be without him.

I've been in my own place for just a little over three months and i already feel so much better. I can imagine great happiness in my future. I miss him still on occasion, but its not as painful and the hurt doesn't linger as much. You will get here too.

((Hugs))

[onedayatatime]

Welcome -- sorry you are here but the board has been very helpful for me. Every crazy mixed up feeling I have had, someone here has experienced as well. Other than that - time and therapy.

I was with my husband for 12 years, including 4.5 of marriage. He told me he wanted the divorce in Feb, and we just finalized about a month ago. I was not the person who wanted this originally, and I struggled with that for a while. But it does get better.

((Hugs))

[mysterons]

Everything you're feeling is totally normal. It's such a roller coaster of emotions. The loneliness is tough and change is scary but it's a positive sign that you're excited about your future. I wish you well and we are definitely here to support you.

[g0nz0b0t]

Thanks again everyone for the input. A roller coaster of emotions is just it. I got through days of optimism and dulled excitement, then I have moments of pure terror. This weekend was one of those sickeningly sad ones.

Went to apartment hunt and places were either super sketchy or wouldn't let me have my 2 dogs, which isn't an option for me. So this thing that I was already dreading I have to continue into next weekend. Which I know isn't bizarre, it's just tough. I've never lived alone. And everything reminds me of him and I just keep wondering what kind of life I can build without him. It really seems so alien to me.

[Deleted]

Sept 14, 2014 17:05:31 GMT -5 g0nz0b0t said:

Thanks again everyone for the input. A roller coaster of emotions is just it. I got through days of optimism and dulled excitement, then I have moments of pure terror. This weekend was one of those sickeningly sad ones.

Went to apartment hunt and places were either super sketchy or wouldn't let me have my 2 dogs, which isn't an option for me. So this thing that I was already dreading I have to continue into next weekend. Which I know isn't bizarre, it's just tough. I've never lived alone. And everything reminds me of him and I just keep wondering what kind of life I can build without him. It really seems so alien to me.

Well, once you do find a place it will be great!  I never lived alone until after my divorce and ya know what..I didn't mind it...I actually liked it.  Don't get me wrong, there were lonely times and I found that the weekends were hard in the beginning. During the week you're working and busy, but the weekend is just...lonely.  BUT, what you will do is make a routine for yourself and make plans to do things alone or with friends and family.  It gets better, I promise.  
What part of the country do you live in?  Is your family nearby?  Friends? 

[g0nz0b0t]

Yeah that's where the excitement kinda comes in. I'm actually more resolved about moving on now- things have been rocky but today I had to go back to our home to get some things and he showed up while I was there. He got mad and said I needed to tell him when I would be coming over and I said it's my house too. Anyway we started getting into a discussion where he called me abusive, said he didn't know who he was or what he wanted anymore... And then proceeded to tell me he cheated on me. So that's it, not so amicable anymore. Now I can't really wait to start a new chapter without him, thanking fate that we never had kids (one of our issues). It always felt so much like- Ohhhh we love each other soooo much, the good outweighs the bad, why is this happening? Now there seems to be a definite answer. Ugh.

I actually live in Los Angeles- family is about 50 miles north and I have a lot of friends out here (that know us both actually and have stated now that they know what's going on that he has changed so much, not for the better and that they weren't surprised be the split). I'm glad I have a good support system but none of my friends are divorced yet (a lot of them aren't even married- nbd but yeah). Ugh