Hold me, MM

[dr.girlfriend]

DH and a group of friends from college get together every year and go to a fancy restaurant. I was excited that it was in NYC this year so that DH didn't have to pay for a flight. Yeah, I just found out they are going to Per Se. These are also the assholes who order expensive wine and split the wine tab evenly even though DH doesn't drink. :-P i can't imagine spending that much on a meal. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to know how much, but I did look up the price of the prix fixe menu. $385.

Update:  I didn't ask for the details of why, but DH just paid for the meal, and didn't get roped into an alcohol tab this time.  Hooray!

[cjeanette]

It may be tacky but I think I might say that splitting the tab isn't going to work for you since H doesn't drink. Or pocket a couple bottles in your purse to out drink them

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[dr.girlfriend]

Sept 13, 2014 19:12:38 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

It may be tacky but I think I might say that splitting the tab isn't going to work for you since H doesn't drink. Or pocket a couple bottles in your purse to out drink them

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Lol, I'm not invited. I've encouraged him to stay off the alcohol tab if possible, but they've been doing this for 20 years so he doesn't want to make waves.

[DarcyLongfellow]

I remember your story about the tab splitting, and just remembering it makes me ragey on your behalf all over again!

I cannot fathom spending that much on one meal.

If it's prix fixe, are there two options -- with and without wine pairings? If so, he may actually come out ahead if he can get a separate check? Since all the wine will be by the glass rather than bottles?

[y4m]

He should not have to contribute to the alcohol. That said, no flight and Per Se = SCORE in my book!

[stealthmom]

Can he semidiscretely ask the waiter for a separate check?

[kadams767]

Do you pay in advance at Per Se like a lot of places with tasting menus? That would be ideal for your DH, because no dealing with his friends at the table, no trying to find out if he can get a separate check, etc. Just pay his friend who paid upfront the cost of his menu and gratuity and call it a day.

[v]

The friends will probably be paying a per person flat rate for the wine pairing, right? Because they'll all be paying the same exact amount for dinner (and the price of dinner even includes the tip), and drinkers will be paying the same amount for drinks, I think this is an easy situation for him to speak up and say that his share is $385, not $385 plus the pairing cost.

He just really needs to speak up. That's all.

[raangoli]

Yikes. I know he doesn't like to rock the boat, but maybe this is a good time for him to speak up. Normally I wouldn't say anything if I were in a similar situation, but this is where I'd draw the line.

[macmars45]

I don't drink either and that would piss me off to pay for alcohol I didn't drink. If it bothers your H he really needs to speak up. I can't believe he's put up with it for 20 years. OMG.

[dr.girlfriend]

Sept 14, 2014 16:48:43 GMT -5 macmars45 said:

I don't drink either and that would piss me off to pay for alcohol I didn't drink. If it bothers your H he really needs to speak up. I can't believe he's put up with it for 20 years. OMG.

I think back when this started (in college) they all drank, and that's how it started.  DH is diabetic, but he was diagnosed/stopped drinking alcohol about six years ago.  Not sure about the one (or maybe two?) other guys in the group who don't drink anymore. 

[ESF]

When I went to the French Laundry, there was no fixed price pairing menu. Instead, we told the waiter our budget for alcohol, and they figured out how to best split the cost across the meals. Assuming Per Se operates the same way, I think this gives him an easy out since the waiters will need to know how many people are drinking to figure out how to apportion the budget best. It seems like he can easily say, "you don't need to take me into consideration, since I'm not drinking, so you guys should decide between the rest of you how much you want to spend."

And I can understand maybe not wanting to make waves if he's the only non-drinker, but since there are others, I don't understand why nobody has ever said anything and apparently doesn't plan to. To be perfectly honest, I can't really blame the rest crowd here, who very likely isn't paying attention and probably assumes everyone is OK with the arrangement. (Now, if they made a big deal about it after the inequity was brought to their attention, then I think there's grounds to be pissed.)

[azurely]

I like your update. Hope your H had a great time!

[Deleted]

But how was the food? Did he take pictures?

[dr.girlfriend]

Sept 15, 2014 9:35:45 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

But how was the food? Did he take pictures?

LOL, this kind of thing is pretty much wasted on him -- he is about as far from a foodie as you can get.  He does this for the company, he would be happy eating (whole wheat) spaghetti every night. ;-)  He said the meal lasted four hours and was delicious, but that was about all the news he had.  No pictures.