Post by Teachermama on Sept 15, 2014 6:50:42 GMT -5
Poor DH.
Last night I went all crazy pregnant woman on him. I was crying, and just all word vomit. He kept saying I don't understand what your upset about. He is just not understanding that we are 2 months and NOW I am starting to freak out. I have an anxiety disorder and with the doctors okay I decided to do the pregnancy with out the pills. I did not want the chance of them hurting him or effecting him in any way. for 7 months I have done great, maybe on or two panic attacks but other than that pretty good. Last night it all unraveled.
Anyone else extremely emotional and what do you do to handle it and not flip on the DH.
He also got really defensive which does NOT help when he opened the worms. The worst thing to do when tears are falling is ask what is wrong. He pushed and pushed and pushed and it just cam flying out. I have 60 days left, I DO NOT want to get on meds now.
As soon as you are very calm, explain to your DH that your emotions may be all over the place and what he needs to do if that is the case (it sounds like maybe leave you alone?). Tell him it's not rational, but that it makes it worse when he tries to intervene.
Hang in there:). You can do it! But seriously no shame if you need to work with your doc to find a med that will help you in the meantime. There are definitely a lot of women that stay on psychiatric meds during pregnancy.
My hormones have been crazy the last couple of weeks so I went on Prozac I can tell you a week later I am already feeling a better. I feel that you really don't want to be ending a pg on a crazy emotional note as this can lead to PPD. I am completely content with my choice as I know it is best for our sanity.
Try to be easy on yourself. The last couple of months are hell.
I am sorry you are going through some bad times. Big hugs!
If you can't calm down please reconsider your treatment. Hormones are bad now and will be bad into post-partum time, and that's without anxiety issues. Many SSRIs are perfectly fine to take during pg and BFing if you are going that route.
Don't blame DH too much. There is very little someone can do or say to help someone who has chosen to stop their treatment for an anxiety issue. PPD and PPP is real and can come very fast after baby is born. Neither are good for baby or mother.
Post by Teachermama on Sept 15, 2014 8:17:22 GMT -5
I know there is no shame, but I really feel like I have not needed it. I cried for a good thirty minutes last night but was able to calm down and go to sleep afterwards. I really do not want to go back on the meds, I did not like taking them before hand, I really do not want to take them now. I see the doctor on Friday, I will talk to her about it.
I have been thinking today about the whole situation, and I really feel like there are some issues that I just have not talked to DH about. I feel like I never see him anymore, he is not excited about his son, and has not really helped.
We get up at 600, get ready, out the door by 700 and at school by 730, he goes to his room, I go to mine, we work until 345 then he coaches 345-600, we get back in the car FINALLY at 630-645 and the home but 730-745, cook dinner, eat dinner, he showers we go to bed. Really no time with him. He has a meet EVERY Saturday until this baby comes... EVERY SATURDAY except ONE, which is when we can finally do the hospital tour and the 3D/4D sonogram.
I know most of this is being irrational pregnant. I attempted to say this last night, but he just got super defensive which made me more upset since while he was at the meet from 500am - 500pm I was washing clothes, washing bottles, purging, getting his bed ready all that stuff and just felt like I was doing it all alone.
I am sorry this is more like word vomit to you guys, but I would figure you would understand. I guess I just need a place to put it.
I understand. I told H last night that even though he is so excited and everyone else is so happy and excited (including and especially me), I sometimes get this anxious feeling and feel very isolated. Like this is a journey only I can take. He can't take over for awhile. He can't know my anxieties about what my lifelong BP issues and how they will affect the pregnancy, he can't know all the emotions running through me. I am beyond thrilled to be pregnant, but my anxieties get the best of me sometimes.
I think it's good you are going to talk with him. He might be busy, but he still needs to be showing he's on your team and excited about the baby. He'll have to make time for the baby once it's here, so he can practice by making time for baby prep now.
I am not going to defend him but I will say that it is irrational to think he does not care about his son. The reality for men of having a kid doesn't really take place until they are finally here in front of them. This is just normal. DH would probably not help with the "nesting" part of this unless I specifically ask. The only real thing the baby needs at first is a bed to sleep in, bottles and diapers and probably a few oneies. All the other stuff is just trival.
Definetly talk to him about all these feelings that you have. Keep the conversations flowing but also realize that the PG homones is contributing a ton to what you are feeling.
I was crying every night (for hours) and lashing out at DD this is when I realized that I couldn't do it anymore without help. There is no shame in taken something and really do talk to your doctor about it.
Post by Teachermama on Sept 15, 2014 8:37:16 GMT -5
Thanks. I am afraid to talk to him because I feel like I may start crying again.
I am just done right now. I don't want to be at work. I haven't been sleeping. I am exhausted, my eyes hurt from crying and I just want to go lay in bed.
I am not going to defend him but I will say that it is irrational to think he does not care about his son. The realtiy for men of having a kid doesn't really take place until they are finally here in front of them. This is just normal. DH would probably not help with the "nesting" part of this unless I specifically ask. The only real thing the baby needs at first is a bed to sleep in, bottles and diapers and probably a few oneies. All the other stuff is just trival.
Definetly talk to him about all these feelings that you have. Keep the conversations flowing but also realize that the PG homones is contributing a ton to what you are feeling.
I was crying every night (for hours) and lashing out at DD this is when I realized that I couldn't do it anymore without help. There is no shame in taken something and really do talk to your doctor about it.
I know he cares about his son. Its just hard when he is not excited and the ONLY thing he can thnk of is no sleep.
I haven't even got any (NEW) bottles or diapers or clothes (team green) so at the moment you are way ahead of me. The room is somewhat set-up and the careseat is ready to install. Other than than nothing has been done.
I haven't even got any (NEW) bottles or diapers or clothes (team green) so at the moment you are way ahead of me. The room is somewhat set-up and the careseat is ready to install. Other than than nothing has been done.
He doesn't have a room we are in a studio type apartment.
I totally understand the irrational pregnancy emotions. I have acted like a crazy person more than I'd like to admit during this pregnancy :/ I think the important thing though for me has been that I have to realize I'm being irrational and realize that my H does care and is trying the best he can to make me happy.
I feel you on the busy-ness too. We both work full time, have other commitments a few nights a week, and my H is in grad school so he has class one night a week. Baby things are not getting done as quickly as I'd like them to, but I'm trying to relax a little. We have a bassinet for him to sleep in, plenty of clothes and diapers, a car seat, and the rest will fall into place.
One thing to help put mood swings in perspective (once they pass) is that baby growth spurts surge your hormones like crazy and sometimes you just gotta ride the waves. I would definitely open with that once you talk to him about it.
I know my mood "issues" are very much affected by my hormones (I can't do hormonal BC because of it).
Good luck!
I vote totally normal.
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That said, best advice for all things baby related is "trust your gut" if you feel off or if your instincts are telling you that you need meds listen to that instinct.
Sometimes I think "I feel so sorry for my husband" but then I think "Really, he should be smarter."
I almost killed him a couple of months ago because he ate MY left over pizza, that I ordered, paid for, and brought home on my own. We also have a clear no-stealing-leftovers rule. But seriously, who steals food from their pregnant wife?
Post by estrellita on Sept 15, 2014 16:00:09 GMT -5
*hugs* I can relate. I snap at H quite often now over stupid things. I also get overly annoyed by every little thing lately and it's exhausting! I hope things get better!
Post by smiledamnit on Sept 15, 2014 17:10:15 GMT -5
**waving an overly emotional hand**
Yep, I'm right there with you. Barely in at only 9 weeks and already riding the emotional waves. I'm finding myself waaaaaay more sensitive than I usually am and I find it downright annoying, so I can only imagine how H is feeling dealing with it.
Post by starfish79 on Sept 15, 2014 22:18:06 GMT -5
I feel for you, op. Can you schedule therapy? I think it's equally important to have regular sessions with a therapist as it is to be on medication if you need it, and it sounds like you really need a little extra help right now. (I say it from personal experience!)
We have similar schedules, up at 6 out door by 7 home between 7-8, in bed by 9:30. Start all over again next day. I am also exhausted and sympathize with you. It feels like DH and I never have time to talk anymore..
Why is life in 2014 so damn complicated and full of stupid shit that doesn't really MATTER?
One thing to help put mood swings in perspective (once they pass) is that baby growth spurts surge your hormones like crazy and sometimes you just gotta ride the waves. I would definitely open with that once you talk to him about it.
I know my mood "issues" are very much affected by my hormones (I can't do hormonal BC because of it).
Good luck!
I vote totally normal.
----
That said, best advice for all things baby related is "trust your gut" if you feel off or if your instincts are telling you that you need meds listen to that instinct.
Thanks. I mean I am getting bigger by the day so it MUST be his growth spurts. These 9 weeks need to go FAST!
Sometimes I think "I feel so sorry for my husband" but then I think "Really, he should be smarter."
I almost killed him a couple of months ago because he ate MY left over pizza, that I ordered, paid for, and brought home on my own. We also have a clear no-stealing-leftovers rule. But seriously, who steals food from their pregnant wife?
WHAT! Ate your leftover pizza!? Doesn't EVERYONE know NOT to eat a pregnant lady's pizza! I mean I have to give DH credit, he will go out to get me chickfila at 8 at night.
*hugs* I can relate. I snap at H quite often now over stupid things. I also get overly annoyed by every little thing lately and it's exhausting! I hope things get better!
I understand! Its no fun to be on edge and bipolar
Yep, I'm right there with you. Barely in at only 9 weeks and already riding the emotional waves. I'm finding myself waaaaaay more sensitive than I usually am and I find it downright annoying, so I can only imagine how H is feeling dealing with it.
Post by flamingeaux on Sept 16, 2014 15:43:22 GMT -5
Yeah, I getcha. They just don't "GET IT" sometimes. I've never been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, but I probably could be. DH is starting to "get it". Him saying I don't understand what you're upset about makes it worse. It's like I know I'm crazy and not rational right now, but this is how I feel. I find it to be more helpful when DH responds along the lines of "Things will probably work out right, but no matter what happens we'll deal with it together."
A few things that might help.
-Is there anyone that either of you can catch a ride home with so that you can rest while he has practice?
-Does he have or could he get an assistant coach who can take over maybe 1 practice a week, and maybe even some of the meets that are closer to your due date?
-Could you write him a letter explaining what you need from him, and then set up a time to discuss it?