The Complete and Utter Failure of a Marathon Goal Setter
by
taratru
You guys know I went into this race with high high hopes, and for good reason. I trained well...in fact, probably better than I ever had. I was injury free. I was excited. I had the GOAL. Alas, the best laid plans...
Woke up on race day about 4:00. Got dressed, had my pb on half an English muffin, went to the bathroom (where not much action occurred, so I was a bit worried - either I ate really well the last few days before to clean out, or I was screwed later), and then DH took me to the shuttle bus up the canyon. On the days before I had settled on three goals A) break 3:42; B) a BQ; C) a PR. Spoiler alert: didn't do any of those things.
I was on the last bus to leave. We left at 5:05 for a trip that should take 40 minutes, tops. We pulled into the start area at 6:05 for a race scheduled to start at 6:00. Our crew headed toward the porta potties, since they said they were delaying the start. There were five potties. FIVE for about 300 people. The line moved pretty quickly, yet they started the race while about 20 of us were still in line. I knew if I didn't go before, I'd have to stop on the way, so I put my faith in the chip timing. Peed (no poop, which still had me a teensy worried), jogged to the bag check, dropped my blanket in the truck, and then just kept going until I crossed the start area.
It was FREEZING. I'm glad I had a long sleeve throwaway, but my legs and feet were numb for the first four miles or so. Heading out of Estes, it was a gradual uphill, which slowed me down a bit (9:04, which...yeah...not in the plan), but I wasn't worried and just kept plugging along. Saw an elk by the road on my way out of town. My plan was to be in the 8:30-8:35 range for the first half and I knew if I went through the half in less than 1:52, I was in at least a decent spot, despite the hills toward the end.
So, what can I say? I tried to not focus on my Garmin and just run as controlled as possible. It was hard to just *go* like that, with no time to compose myself before the gun. I thought about you guys a lot, tried to take in the gorgeous canyon, enjoyed my new playlist and actually kept picking people off all the way down. Chatted with a few people, but most were pretty quiet and I liked that. I felt like I was okay through about mile 8-9 and I started feeling the fatigue in my quads. At 9 miles. Not super. So I dialed it back just a bit at least through the half.
Well, that didn't really work out and I went through at 1:55. I briefly thought about pushing for the 1:50 I would need, but with the fatigue in my legs already, I just knew that wasn't going to happen. And let me share with the class that having that single goal and knowing it wasn't going to happen with 13 miles to go was a tough spot. A lot "what's the point" convo in my head. So I did a lot of self-talk about how I would just have to have a good run. I didn't want to hate running at the end of my race yesterday. I wanted to be able to motivate myself for another day. Although, strangely, miles 14 and 15 were my fastest - 8:19 and 8:16...maybe I just needed to have that talk in my head the whole way?
I knew DH and the girls would be right before 20 (which is where the downhill ended and a half-mile hill started - ugh), so I decided to just get there and see what was up. Finally I did, and it was awesome. The girls were cheering, they made a poster...just what I needed. I told DH, "nope" and he just hugged me quick and let me go. My old training partner was there, too, so he just jumped in with me and finished the race with me, which was JUST what I needed. I mean, I would have been fine...in fact, I probably would have broken 3:50, but I wouldn't have enjoyed it as much. My last six miles were 10:26, 8:39, 10:08, 9:18, 10:17, and 8:37. Ha! You can see we were just dorking around. When I got thirsty, I stopped to walk and drink from the bottle he brought with him and kept filling up. We chatted. I got cheered on by pixy0stix and andrealynn, who would scream and cheer, then drive like half a mile and repeat. I felt looooved. I hit another aid station where my dean friend's wife and kids were and even the water lady was cheering for me by name (dean's wife is pretty chatty and had told her about me). We talked a lot about my last few weeks and where I probably did make some mistakes. We talked about how much my body does NOT LIKE downhills like my first full and this one. We talked about how running a marathon is just awesome, whether you meet your goals or not. It was good.
If you saw my newspaper post earlier, you saw how at the end, DD3 ran out and finished with me, and honestly, that was all the perspective I needed. I'm a marathoner, whether I made it to Boston yesterday or not. Me, Tara, who finished dead ass LAST at every single cross country meet my sophomore year in high school, ran a goddamn marathon. And I ran it in 3:54, without even really trying that hard, which makes me sound like an asshole, I'm sure, but it's important to me to know that. So, yes, I'm bummed that it didn't work out this time. But I'm grateful for the things I learned: *Extreme downhills are not my friend. I know some people can handle that well, I can't. The grade on this was TWICE my first full and that was brutal. However, I was still 17 minutes faster than that first one. The net 400-foot drop in Arizona was awesome. I think I need a flat race to see what I can do. *I think I've got my nutrition and fueling down, both pre-race and during. That "no action" was good. I didn't feel once like I truly needed to stop, which I've struggled with before. The 3 Gu plan seems to work for me during. *I'm more fit than I've ever been. I really think that given more serious time and training, I could do some damage to a half marathon. *I probably shouldn't have raced that 10k so hard at Disney and then followed it with a faster-than-marathon-pace half only two weeks out. *Running marathons is a giant mindfuck. I need to work on the mental focus of the last 10 miles or so. I was a sprinter for too long, I think. It's hard to change that mindset, it really is.
So now I'm seriously considering the full at Kiawah. DH is on board with another cycle, and if I did escape injury free from yesterday, I think my body can handle it (with PT exercises every day and strength training). I'm going to be sore for daaaaays, I can tell. My quads are trashed. I should video myself on stairs. It's hilarious. The good news is, nothing is happening in Achilles land, and I'm going to send a card to my PT.
As far as the race itself, it was awesome. Gorgeous. Free GOOD beer at the finish and a wonderful burger bar (I just wasn't hungry). Beautiful medal. The money is staying local. I wish the course would have run around on top of the mountain for 6 miles and then ended at the canyon end, but I suppose that's too easy. Obviously, they've got kinks to work out (transportation, for one), and there is still no chip time on the results, so I'd be piiiisssssed if I actually had run the time and it wasn't up. I hope they get that fixed for people.
I just want to say thanks for listening to all my whining and complaining and questioning and stupid repetitive questions and general annoyance. One of the first things I asked pixy was if she'd updated you guys, because I knew you'd be here waiting. And I knew (and you delivered) that you'd have the right words in my failure. I was in tears from your messages and support. It means the world to me. I hope I can nail that BQ soon, but it's awesome to know that even if I don't, I'm blessed with supportive family and friends and that no matter what, I'm a marathoner.
Post by reginaphalange72 on Sept 15, 2014 21:54:17 GMT -5
That was a great read! I'm sorry you didn't make your BQ goal, but you are awesome nonetheless. Way to push through and finish with a smile. You are fantastic, and wonderfully inspiring to your girls.
I am ALWAYS impressed by you. Your patience & perseverance through injury, your perspective, your ability to hammer and also have fun. I'm so glad you are seeing the success in the day, because everyone around you really only sees that.
You are amazing and we love you! I got anxious just reading about your start fiasco. Again, I'm so sorry the day didn't go as planned, but I am so impressed with your attitude and strength. You found the positives in a situation that a lot of people would have just written off. To keep pushing like you did, when half way through you could have just bailed (I've witnessed this more than once), says a lot. So proud of you!!
You have this. You soooo have this. It wasn't your day. Fine, but that awesome training cycle was not wasted. You said it yourself, you're in the best shape ever. Build off of that. Find the mental strength to gut it out for three more months (It's not easy, but you'll get through it), and you have such a great shot in Kiawah.
I'm sorry it wasn't the race you wanted, but it still sounds like you had a really amazing race. I mean, you were dorking around the last 6 miles of a marathon and still pulling off pretty kick ass paces.
Nice words Tara; I love a good read. Perspective is so important, and I love that you could embrace your family and friends and soak in the rest of the race. Bitterness is just poisonous, and my heart is happy you didn't let it steal your day.
It takes courage to put a big goal out there & miss it. I know this all too well, as I made a giant deal out of sub-4:00 this spring and missed splendidly my first attempt. I was frustrated on many levels even though I loved the race. (Of course I was stubborn and then managed to sign up & get it by the very skin of my teeth at grandma's.) I learned a lot from the first failed attempt, and it sounds like you also learned a lot that will help you with the next time.
Honestly, marathoning does mess with your head x 100, and some variables are so out of your control. 26.2 is never a given for anyone, and you ran a great, solid marathon. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
That was a very moving race recap. This one wasn't your race, sounds like they really screwed up the start which sucks. But your race is coming and I think it's clear that you've got the drive and the spirit to go for it again.
Sometimes the stars just don't align but great perspective on your race. It sucks not meeting a goal you've worked hard for but it will make getting that BQ all the more sweeter at the end.
I'm sorry you didn't meet your A goal, but you have a very positive perspective and it sounds like you've learned a lot and got some great stuff out of it. You're an amazing athlete, and you're setting such a powerful example for your girls. Great recap from a kick ass marathoner!!
I'm sorry you didn't get the results you wanted, but you have great perspective. You toughed it out knowing you weren't going to hit your goal, and that is always something to be proud of. And, you still went well under 4 hours. Awesome! I'm so happy your family and friends got to see you race. What a special moment for your girls! Thanks for sharing your story.
Great recap and what an amazing race. You are truly inspirational. I know you are disappointed in yourself a bit but it sounds like you are in the right place--you ran ANOTHER marathon, and you did so QUICKLY. BQing is HARD, I for sure see it in your future, you are already so speedy, you have the right attitude and determination. Good job, girl.
Awww, what a great recap. I, too, am sorry you didn't end up with the time you wanted. It is so hard to focus on the positive when you don't hit your time goals and you managed to do that.
Post by bostonmichelle on Sept 16, 2014 7:18:14 GMT -5
Amazing and moving recap! You are awesome for just ticking it out and not bailing. I have faith that on a flat course you will do well. I hope we can celebrate a BQ in Kiawah.
You are amazing! There are other races to get that BQ and you really do have a great attitude! Loved the pic of you and your daughter! Congrats on a speedy marathon!