Who's the "mean parent"?

[rubber pants]

So I just realized that I'm the "mean" parent.  I dont think DH means for me to be the "discipliner" but I just am.  Since Im the one who gets her ready for school and bath/nighttime...  I feel like im constantly raising my voice and counting/putting her in time out. 

He never interjects when I'm struggling with her.  He just lets me be the "mean one".  I recently was like "can you please raise your voice, or do something other than NOTHING when shes dragging her feet or limit testing" and he was just like "oh.  I didnt know.  I didnt want to step on anyones toes while you were in mom-mode".  

sigh. 

Who's the mean one in your household?

[breezy8407]

H is a big softie. He is pretty firm with discipline, but when it comes to stuff like treats, extra juice, etc, he is always the one giving in. And for being as frugal as he is, he let them get quite a few small toys over the summer.

[kdrake8]

Me. I'm the mean one. But she also listens to me much better so idc.

[jsillyfun]

We are very much on the same page with discipline. I am definitely the one who does most of the limit setting, etc... in practice only because I'm home with her alone a lot more. But when we're together, he steps right in and deals with issues and doesn't leave it all to me.

[AndyCohen]

SS. I think I end up being the mean one just because I SAH and am with her way more than H. H will discipline sometimes though. It's not quite equal, but it's also not only me.

Although neither of us are really the mean one since we don't really do discipline with her. I sunno it's a weird situation.

[melmon0417]

My first instinct was to say me... but, the more I thought about it, I think we're equal? Now I'll have to ask DH.

[lauranicole91]

We both are equally "mean". We are both pretty good about discipline and not giving in when necessary. However, she listens to me more so than DH.

[eddy]

We are mean in our own special ways lol. I am more likely to lose my cool and yell (sooooo effective btw.) H is much stricter in general and has the kids walking the line more often.

I wish I was more like him. It is hard for me.

[charmediamsure]

Sept 16, 2014 9:38:35 GMT -5 kdrake8 said:

Me. I'm the mean one. But she also listens to me much better so idc.

I sit at this table.

[devonpow]

Totally me. I'm very into rules and schedules . Plus I tend to yell. DH is super patient /never yells, plus is lax with rules. Last night at Henry's bedtime he suggested H get a treat and be able to play video games. For no reason. And our rule is no video games during the week. And it was bedtime!! I stamped that idea out fast, lol

[PatBenatar]

H is the softie and I'm the strict one. He disciplines her, but I'm definitely more stern. I knew it would be like this too because he's just a nicer person than I am lol

[jfh]

I said equal, but I would say I'm slightly more likely to enforce the rules. But it's not all me, by any means.

[carawestt]

I guess me since I'm with him the most and do the majority of the discipline. I'm no meaner or stricter than H though..

[silverjm]

I think we're pretty equal when it comes to behavior. I end up handling more of the difficult times probably since I almost always do bed time. H is more likely to spoil him with treats and things.

[Deleted]

Definitely DH. He doesn't have much patience and his tone of voice sounds harsh even when he doesn't mean for it too... But sometimes I'm too easy so we balance out

[sunshineluv]

DH is more strict than me, I am the softie.

[jamaga2583]

The biggest difference between us is that he will repeatedly ask the kids to do something, where I will not- and that's what makes me the mean one.

Example: yesterday, Max was coming downstairs and stopped about 2/3 of the way down. He refused to move. H sat there for what seemed like forever (at least 5 minutes) trying to reason with him to get him to come down the stairs. "Max, come down the stairs" "NO!" "Max, come down" "NO!" "Max, come downstairs please" "NO!"
That went on until I went over and removed M from the stairs. He would have kept going. It drives me insane.

[bigapple]

Definitely me. I don't allow a lot of little things that my husband doesn't care about.

[alicia45]

I SAH and dh travels a lot. I would say that most of the parenting falls to me. I'm the patient, calm, listening parent most of the time. She follows rules or sits in time out. Dh on the other hand gets stern fast and once he gets this idea that it's his way he can't give it up. I would say he's the more "toe the line" parent. I'm much more go with the flow.

[TrudyCampbell]

Equal.

[katie]

Sept 16, 2014 10:02:01 GMT -5 ladybug said:

Definitely DH. He doesn't have much patience and his tone of voice sounds harsh even when he doesn't mean for it too... But sometimes I'm too easy so we balance out

All of this.

But I would not say I am the "fun" parent, that is def my H. He is always taking her outside to help with stuff, ride bikes, go on the swing set, kick the ball around. I am firm with certain things and try to redirect when she is doing something wrong like touching the tv. Where H will automatically start counting and head to a time out.

Take this morning, she was a monster again getting dressed. I asked her to stop kicking, tried to reason with her but I just continued getting her dressed and not letting her get away. My H would not have been able to handle that at all.

[DaphneStrauss]

Pretty equal. I'm slightly more strict about her nap and bedtime schedule.

[eav2c]

My H and I fight about this because we don't seem to always be on the same page discipline wise and various things make us both of the us the mean parent. I think generally my H is. Colin comes running to me when my H has to discipline him which angers my H a lot. Colin doesn't run to my H when i discipline him so it makes my H feel bad. I also think my H is the scarier parent lol

[Deleted]

Sept 16, 2014 10:12:47 GMT -5 katie said:

Sept 16, 2014 10:02:01 GMT -5 ladybug said:

Definitely DH. He doesn't have much patience and his tone of voice sounds harsh even when he doesn't mean for it too... But sometimes I'm too easy so we balance out

All of this.

But I would not say I am the "fun" parent, that is def my H. He is always taking her outside to help with stuff, ride bikes, go on the swing set, kick the ball around. I am firm with certain things and try to redirect when she is doing something wrong like touching the tv. Where H will automatically start counting and head to a time out.

Take this morning, she was a monster again getting dressed. I asked her to stop kicking, tried to reason with her but I just continued getting her dressed and not letting her get away. My H would not have been able to handle that at all.

Haha ya sounds like my H too! That exact getting dressed situation just happened the other day

[Deleted]

Sept 16, 2014 10:22:11 GMT -5 eav2c said:

My H and I fight about this because we don't seem to always be on the same page discipline wise and various things make us both of the us the mean parent. I think generally my H is. Colin comes running to me when my H has to discipline him which angers my H a lot. Colin doesn't run to my H when i discipline him so it makes my H feel bad. I also think my H is the scarier parent lol

D does this too!! Then I "discipline" my way which is much calmer but still to the point and she gets it. My H has suuuuch a hard time with this. But he kind of is the "scarier" parent... Not that he's scary, you know. I'm just much more calm. Although I know she does test me a little more than I'd like but we're working on it

I try to follow Peaceful Parenting and Hand in Hand Parenting and it works for me and Delaney but Ian has a hard time doing it (probably because he won't read about it and I can't explain it well to him)

[charlielove]

We are equal as far as who enforces rules and doles out consequences, etc.

[bean47]

We are pretty equal.

[ktstorm]

We are pretty equal in enforcing the same rules/consequences. I normally give a little more negotiation or warning before a timeout than him though, however B knows that I will agree with H, so running to me doesn't do anything if that makes any sense.

[teamhayes]

im the meanie

[rjamz]

I suppose by default I am because H is rarely home.

But when he is home, I'm a little more lax about things - I'm more go with the flow. If he isn't getting hurt or hurting others or destroying stuff, I tend to let him do what he wants (within reason, of course). H is more rigid.