But your H absolutely should have said "mom, there is absolutely no way I can make the 14th work. I have an oral argument the next morning" from the moment this date was mentioned. I am not sure how he ever thought he might be able to go.
My guess is that he was trying to make a difficult situation work, to keep the peace. I mean....I think he had good intentions.
Post by emilyinchile on Sept 17, 2014 12:08:23 GMT -5
"Dear Glamma, I hope you have some friends who can enjoy the cookies then - they really are delicious as well as cute! - and who will appreciate your generosity. As Jesus said, it is more blessed to give than to receive, so I'm glad to hear you'll be able to continue the chain of giving."
[attach adorable picture of E wearing something red]
I do think your husband needs to step in and manage Glamma better, because it's really not fair that she puts all this shit on you.
After reading through this whole post, this is my thought too. Why has this all fallen on you? She needs to be his problem from now on. This is really unfair to you, and kind of shitty of your DH to continually let it happen.
Yep.
I said it in the first post, and after this update, I stand by it: this is at least as much of a husband problem as it is a MIL problem.
I agree with the pp who said that as soon as you knew the date presented a problem with the hearing, your H should've been on the phone immediately.
But my guess is that he didn't because he knew if you bailed at the last minute, his mom would deal with you, not him.
Post by dancingirl21 on Sept 17, 2014 12:44:09 GMT -5
Glamma is so passive aggressive. Why is she emailing you and telling you not to tell your H, HER son? Why isn't she just telling him that she is hurt? Glamma is legit cray and is looking for attention anywhere she can get it (Rikki, I am trying to "loose" weight, [shame on you]..."
After reading through this whole post, this is my thought too. Why has this all fallen on you? She needs to be his problem from now on. This is really unfair to you, and kind of shitty of your DH to continually let it happen.
Yep.
I said it in the first post, and after this update, I stand by it: this is at least as much of a husband problem as it is a MIL problem.
I agree with the pp who said that as soon as you knew the date presented a problem with the hearing, your H should've been on the phone immediately.
But my guess is that he didn't because he knew if you bailed at the last minute, his mom would deal with you, not him.
He realllllllllllly needs to call "Glamma" on the phone and tell her to politely eff off and to stop trying to drive a wedge in between a DH and DW. That of course Rikki told him about her incredibly ungrateful response and that if she didn't like her gift, she should learn to reply with "thank you for thinking of me!" (brightly!) and never ever EVER "I didn't like it". Glamma is asking the DIL to keep secrets, I.E. "shoulder the blame" for missing her party, but to make sure her sugarpie, I mean DS, is unaware of her displeasure. VOMIT.
And I still CANNOT believe that 2 adult people actually agreed to PAY FOR AND HOST A PARTY for their parent ON DEMAND. WTELF is this planet? Because I am never going there. Is this not the $$MM board? Since when is a summons AND a "you gonna pay for this one!" invitation ever an acceptable behavior? Am I on glue? The unmitigated GALL... If someone's child said "you're going to pay thousands for my wedding!!" we'd tell them "uh no. You don't have to pay for a dayum thing." but because GLAMMA was having a milestone princess day, I mean birthday, she's allowed such gauche behvior?
I thought about this, too, but I don't know. Honestly, she acts so much like my own MIL and we're all black, so it might just be personality. Also, I don't really know the most PC way to say this, so I will just say it and trust that you all know that I don't mean any offense to anyone, but most black men I know who are married to non-black women pretty much always dated non-black women, so I'd be more surprised if his mother was expecting not to have a white DIL, you know? The most suspicious thing I've seen her say was that ridiculous comment about E not looking good in red, but again, I can't really say for sure. What I can say for sure is that that she and my MIL would probably be besties and revel in how they haze their DILs just because it's Monday lol.
My best advice for this kind of MIL is follow your husband's lead. I'm not saying this is an H problem, but no reason for you and her to have more communication than him and her. It's his mother.
Oh, btw, I have an anecdote. My MIL calls H on his cell when she wants to speak to him, but calls our house when she wants to speak with me. Yes, he lives here and yes, I have a cell. Anyway, several weeks ago she left a message saying she was just calling to check on me (after DS left for school) and to say hello. Well, I never rarely check voicemails, so by the time I get the messages, they're pointless as far as I'm concerned. So I never called back. I told H, who has already told her many times that we don't check VM. A few days later, they were on the phone when I called him, so I, best DIL ever, say, "Tell your mom I said hi." He did and called me back when they hung up. He says, "Mom said to tell you hi, she's thinking of you and praying for you (Glamma!)." I was instantly annoyed and said, "Praying for me for what?" Total bitch eating crackers move, right? So he heard the annoyance in my voice and got defensive and said, "What do you mean, praying for you for what--just because! She's an old black woman, she prays!" Whatever. She tried it...but that's what she does.
I'm glad I have great parents and in laws. I was thinking about when she told her that the Beatles was white people stuff as well. I don't know if she intends to be hurtful, doesn't realize it, or something else. I can't remember if she made a comment about white women being too sensitive? Something about feeding the baby?
Either way, she is out of line.
She did.
Rikki's very young baby started vomiting brown stuff and Rikki was ready to take him to the ER. It was only then that Glamma admitted that she fed the baby solids after specifically being told not to. The white women are too sensitive comment came when Rikki got (understandably, IMO) upset.
Correct me if I'm wrong, rikki. This woman is a shitty MIL.
I was trying to give glamma the benefit of the doubt but I think she has issues with having a white daughter in law.
Also, I don't really know the most PC way to say this, so I will just say it and trust that you all know that I don't mean any offense to anyone, but most black men I know who are married to non-black women pretty much always dated non-black women, so I'd be more surprised if his mother was expecting not to have a white DIL, you know?
She's an old black woman, she prays!" Whatever. She tried it...but that's what she does.
This is my father. I don't think he's ever dated a Black woman? Not sure about before my mom, but he didn't when my parents got divorced and my step mom is white...
Also my grandma always says she's praying for me and my husband when I have up. She's totally one of those church ladies in the bright colored suit and matching hat on Sundays.
Post by barefootcontessa on Sept 17, 2014 16:01:59 GMT -5
It sounds like your DH has paid a lot of attention to his mother over the years and she does not like that he is married. And being a different race just exacerbates things.
I'm glad I have great parents and in laws. I was thinking about when she told her that the Beatles was white people stuff as well. I don't know if she intends to be hurtful, doesn't realize it, or something else. I can't remember if she made a comment about white women being too sensitive? Something about feeding the baby?
Either way, she is out of line.
She did.
Rikki's very young baby started vomiting brown stuff and Rikki was ready to take him to the ER. It was only then that Glamma admitted that she fed the baby solids after specifically being told not to. The white women are too sensitive comment came when Rikki got (understandably, IMO) upset.
Correct me if I'm wrong, rikki. This woman is a shitty MIL.
Not wrong at all. Those are the exact order of events.
It sounds like your DH has paid a lot of attention to his mother over the years and she does not like that he is married. And being a different race just exacerbates things.
If their situation is like mine--and I still can't help feeling a little like it is lol--he's paid her no attention, but she thinks she can use rikki to start getting his attention. Don't be the vessel!
Yes, I definitely think this is more along the lines. My husband has always been extremely respectful of his mother, but never very attentive or interested in her daily happenings. I showed interest and she latched on.
It sounds like your DH has paid a lot of attention to his mother over the years and she does not like that he is married. And being a different race just exacerbates things.
If their situation is like mine--and I still can't help feeling a little like it is lol--he's paid her no attention, but she thinks she can use rikki to start getting his attention. Don't be the vessel!
Yes, child, yes.
MIL has taken to calling me. Lady, I don't want to talk to you. I try so hard to answer brightly, but every time I see that name come across my phone, I get annoyed. I will not tell you anymore about our going ons than DH.
One weekend she called DH, and he didn't call her back in a timely manner, so she called me. I told him, in no uncertain terms, don't do that again.
I said it in the first post, and after this update, I stand by it: this is at least as much of a husband problem as it is a MIL problem.
I agree with the pp who said that as soon as you knew the date presented a problem with the hearing, your H should've been on the phone immediately.
But my guess is that he didn't because he knew if you bailed at the last minute, his mom would deal with you, not him.
And I still CANNOT believe that 2 adult people actually agreed to PAY FOR AND HOST A PARTY for their parent ON DEMAND. WTELF is this planet? Because I am never going there. Is this not the $$MM board? Since when is a summons AND a "you gonna pay for this one!" invitation ever an acceptable behavior? Am I on glue? The unmitigated GALL... If someone's child said "you're going to pay thousands for my wedding!!" we'd tell them "uh no. You don't have to pay for a dayum thing." but because GLAMMA was having a milestone princess day, I mean birthday, she's allowed such gauche behvior?
Does. Not. Compute.
The money thing might be cultural and family related. That's how some cultures and families roll.
This whole situation just sounds like something that Rikki and her H need to laugh about together and move on. Rikki, you've got some good stories to tell!
Yes, I definitely think this is more along the lines. My husband has always been extremely respectful of his mother, but never very attentive or interested in her daily happenings. I showed interest and she latched on.
Oh man. Well, how could you have known. But now you know what to do - detach!
Rikki's very young baby started vomiting brown stuff and Rikki was ready to take him to the ER. It was only then that Glamma admitted that she fed the baby solids after specifically being told not to. The white women are too sensitive comment came when Rikki got (understandably, IMO) upset.
Correct me if I'm wrong, rikki. This woman is a shitty MIL.
omfg. Who puts a baby at possibly grave risk, and then criticizes its mother as being overly sensitive? Jesus. She's not just a shitty MIL, she's a shitty person. And probably a racist. rikki, what was your DH's reaction when this all went down - both to the feeding solids and the "white women" comment?
Rikki's very young baby started vomiting brown stuff and Rikki was ready to take him to the ER. It was only then that Glamma admitted that she fed the baby solids after specifically being told not to. The white women are too sensitive comment came when Rikki got (understandably, IMO) upset.
Correct me if I'm wrong, rikki. This woman is a shitty MIL.
omfg. Who puts a baby at possibly grave risk, and then criticizes its mother as being overly sensitive? Jesus. She's not just a shitty MIL, she's a shitty person. And probably a racist. rikki, what was your DH's reaction when this all went down - both to the feeding solids and the "white women" comment?"]
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I really think given the history with Glamma that the whole thing about the baby not looking good in red was about race, too. Wasn't she all "my family looks awesome in red. E...not so much." Given that rikki's race is the reason his coloring is different than hers and her son's, it seems to be a pretty clear jab.
Between the white women are so sensitive thing, the Beatles thing, and the "your white genes ruined red for our family" thing, it seems very clear to me that Glamma has an issue with white women. Or at least with a white woman being married to her son.