Can you take the guns and put them in a storage facility somewhere so that he doesn't go acquiring more ammo somewhere?
Can you store one of the cars at the rental property?
Can you find a garage that would agree to store one of the cars for a while?
Sorry you have to go through this!
Thanks. His only way to get more ammo will be if the care givers take him and I am sure they won't.
No garage at either of his rentals.
We will see if we can find somewhere to take the truck.
Ammunition is sold in a lot of places, including online. Most sporting good stores sell it (or at least they do out here), so he could probably easily acquire it in a trip to the mall or Walmart. I'd probably consider storing the guns elsewhere if you are concerned about this.
I'm sorry you're having to be the bad guys here. This is my biggest concern with regards to my dad too, but the last time I visited him, I realized that he has pretty much given up driving himself and lets his wife drive.
Thanks. His only way to get more ammo will be if the care givers take him and I am sure they won't.
No garage at either of his rentals.
We will see if we can find somewhere to take the truck.
Ammunition is sold in a lot of places, including online. Most sporting good stores sell it (or at least they do out here), so he could probably easily acquire it in a trip to the mall or Walmart. I'd probably consider storing the guns elsewhere if you are concerned about this.
I'm sorry you're having to be the bad guys here. This is my biggest concern with regards to my dad too, but the last time I visited him, I realized that he has pretty much given up driving himself and lets his wife drive.
The closest mall is 2 hours away. He is not going to be driving to Walmart, no car access. His car givers will be helping him with his $ and credit card for groceries, RXs, etc.... Not one person who is still speaking to him (I can count these folks on one hand) is going to help him buy ammo. He doesn't know what the internet is or does, but I take your point. We should probably remove the guns too.
Post by UnderProtest on Sept 17, 2014 10:44:48 GMT -5
Pom You are such a good person (and patient) to be dealing with all of this. Obviously getting the guns away from him are important too but you can only do some much at a time. I'm very interested in your story as I fear this will be my FIL soon (although he doesn't have guns). My BIL has already called my husband about some issues and their dad wants nothing to do with their help.
Pom You are such a good person (and patient) to be dealing with all of this. Obviously getting the guns away from him are important too but you can only do some much at a time. I'm very interested in your story as I fear this will be my FIL soon (although he doesn't have guns). My BIL has already called my husband about some issues and their dad wants nothing to do with their help.
I am not patient. I am an angry bitch of a DIL. My usual FIL attitude, however, is not helpful. Also, I love my H more than anything and he doesn't deserve this at all. His dad has been an asshole his whole life and now he's got Alzheimer's too. So we get up everyday and keep working at this drama together. Part of the reason I am sharing this, is because I think senior care is going impact to many of us and a huge crunch of available, affordable health care and elder care facilities is coming. While our situation is extreme in some ways, it helps to know others are out there on the battle lines of dementia and AD. lurknomoreniqnomad100 and so many others have reached out and that makes me grateful. AND I need to vent to someone besides Mr. Pom, LOL.
I am so sorry for your family. I will be glad to lend an ear or help if ever you need it.
I'm sorry you're having to be the bad guys here. This is my biggest concern with regards to my dad too, but the last time I visited him, I realized that he has pretty much given up driving himself and lets his wife drive.
This is where we were at too with my FIL. When I met him in 2000 my MIL did all the driving. She was 12 years younger than him. Fast forward 10 years and MIL died of cancer. No one ever expected her to go first. FIL now has no choice but to drive himself. In the last three years he's had two accidents, one major (other driver left in an ambulance after he t-boned FIL who was making a left turn across ongoing traffic and swears the guy sped up just to hit his new car) and both his fault. And he was recently ticketed for driving the wrong way down a major 6-lane road near his house. Pom and I have talked about this and while I know FIL needs to lose his license/cars too (Pom...he recently sold his tractor...they are more alike than I realized!!!) none of my SILs (who live near him) are willing to do that. So just remember that situations unexpectedly change and not always for the better.
ETA: Wow this quote got all messed up...Sorry for the confusion!!!!
Pom You are such a good person (and patient) to be dealing with all of this. Obviously getting the guns away from him are important too but you can only do some much at a time. I'm very interested in your story as I fear this will be my FIL soon (although he doesn't have guns). My BIL has already called my husband about some issues and their dad wants nothing to do with their help.
I am not patient. I am an angry bitch of a DIL. My usual FIL attitude, however, is not helpful. Also, I love my H more than anything and he doesn't deserve this at all. His dad has been an asshole his whole life and now he's got Alzheimer's too. So we get up everyday and keep working at this drama together. Part of the reason I am sharing this, is because I think senior care is going impact to many of us and a huge crunch of available, affordable health care and elder care facilities is coming. While our situation is extreme in some ways, it helps to know others are out there on the battle lines of dementia and AD. lurknomoreniqnomad100 and so many others have reached out and that makes me grateful. AND I need to vent to someone besides Mr. Pom, LOL.
I am so sorry for your family. I will be glad to lend an ear or help if ever you need it.
You are still much nicer than I would be. My FIL isn't a nice person either (although I don't think he is as bad as yours) and my husband and I have already had conversations about our willingness to get involved. His family is one of the reasons (well, probably the main reason) he left his home town and is the number one reason I refuse to ever move there. Its a messy situation, at best, to get involved in parental caregiving. Hugs to everyone who is dealing with this now.
I'm so sorry the drama continues. My father took parts out his mother's car and told her it couldn't be fixed. She had Alzheimer's and often thought my mom was The Help. I recall her telling him not to leave a tip at dinner because the service was terrible. It's one of the only times I saw my mom cry. It's a horrible disease that sucks the life out of caregivers as much as victims. Nana would often ask where the keys were, but accepted that the car was broken. Hugs.
How awful for your parents and especially your poor mom. :? My FIL acts as if we are "the help" and this was his attitude way before his AD dx. Finally, I have stopped getting mad/upset for the most part. We chuckle, roll our eyes and keep moving on. This is when I'm so happy to be FAR AWAY.
Post by dexteroni on Sept 17, 2014 11:34:03 GMT -5
Pom Oh my gosh, I'm so nervous for you guys, but I know you'll figure it out. Contacting the sheriff's office was a smart move. Are they going to be there for you? I would also want confirmation that they aren't going to arrest you, lol. I imagine this is something most police departments have been involved with at some point, so maybe they'll even have some advice for you. Good luck!
His dad has been an asshole his whole life and now he's got Alzheimer's too. So we get up everyday and keep working at this drama together.
Not the first time that I heard that someone was an ass and has Alzheimer's on top of it. It seems like the disease exacerbates the assholeness (is that a word?), making them much more miserable to be around.
Could the sheriffs office break the news to him, Pom? Like "sir, you don't have a valid license anymore and we're concerned that you may hurt yourself or someone else if you drive. Therefore, mr and mrs Pom are going to relocate the cars and they are within their rights to do so. They will be kept safe and taken care of, until you get your license back (which won't happen, but you know.)" Same with the guns.
Could the sheriffs office break the news to him, Pom? Like "sir, you don't have a valid license anymore and we're concerned that you may hurt yourself or someone else if you drive. Therefore, mr and mrs Pom are going to relocate the cars and they are within their rights to do so. They will be kept safe and taken care of, until you get your license back (which won't happen, but you know.)" Same with the guns.
This will be awesome if we can get this kind of support. Fingers crossed.
Could the sheriffs office break the news to him, Pom? Like "sir, you don't have a valid license anymore and we're concerned that you may hurt yourself or someone else if you drive. Therefore, mr and mrs Pom are going to relocate the cars and they are within their rights to do so. They will be kept safe and taken care of, until you get your license back (which won't happen, but you know.)" Same with the guns.
Unhook the batteries from the vehicles and take them with you. He won't be able to get to an auto parts store and buy new ones if he can't get it started, right? Or, take one of the tires off.
We had to do the battery thing with my dad. Sorry, Pom.
His dad has been an asshole his whole life and now he's got Alzheimer's too. So we get up everyday and keep working at this drama together.
Not the first time that I heard that someone was an ass and has Alzheimer's on top of it. It seems like the disease exacerbates the assholeness (is that a word?), making them much more miserable to be around.
Yes, this happened to my grandmother. She became more and more difficult with certain family members as the disease progressed.
Sorry Pom. You and your H are very good to look out for FIL like this, even if he doesn't quite appreciate it. You're keeping him safe and keeping other people safe as well. I hope you're able to find a solution.
Ammunition is sold in a lot of places, including online. Most sporting good stores sell it (or at least they do out here), so he could probably easily acquire it in a trip to the mall or Walmart. I'd probably consider storing the guns elsewhere if you are concerned about this.
I'm sorry you're having to be the bad guys here. This is my biggest concern with regards to my dad too, but the last time I visited him, I realized that he has pretty much given up driving himself and lets his wife drive.
The closest mall is 2 hours away. He is not going to be driving to Walmart, no car access. His car givers will be helping him with his $ and credit card for groceries, RXs, etc.... Not one person who is still speaking to him (I can count these folks on one hand) is going to help him buy ammo. He doesn't know what the internet is or does, but I take your point. We should probably remove the guns too.
There is a wayyyyyyyyyyyyy easier solution. Has no one ever seen Crash?? You replace any and all bullets with blanks! WALLA!
But for reals, it'd be best if all the guns and the cars were removed. If you have to disable the car, I'd do whatever is easiest, like unhooking the battery or removing some of the fuses.
I completely understand the 'want' to help FIL but the lack of enthusiasm. FIL is also in a long-term care facility and it is ROUGH. He complains about EVERYthing and nothing is good or positive. Ever.
"Part of the reason I am sharing this, is because I think senior care is going impact so many of us and a huge crunch of available, affordable health care and elder care facilities is coming"
We definitely are not prepared for the onslaught of baby boomers that will be soon beupon us with all the health needs and supportive services they will require. The first wave of bomers will be pretty much be "out of luck" and hopefully that "wake up call" will be provide those in the mid-late boomer range withthe services they need at an affordable price. Otherwise - the options are horrendous for parents and those who will have to "figure out what to do with grandpa".
Post by schrodinger on Sept 18, 2014 14:52:05 GMT -5
Good luck! My great aunt suffered from dementia and lived with us for a few months while she was transitioning between care facilities. It was rough on everyone. I still remember her yelling at me for moving the washing machine.
As for the car, could you put a device like a Club on it? That might be a major deterrent until you can sort out a permanent solution. Is there a local gun club that might have resources for taking and securing the guns/ammo?