Divorce Care Classes

[tiffany81]

So a friend invited me to attend a divorce care seminar at her church last Sunday. It's a 13-week course. We started last Sunday on week 2. I wasn't sure how I felt about it going in since I'm not very religious but I went with an open mind. I figured I should post a little review in case anyone was thinking about taking this class.

My review is that it's about 10 percent religion based and 90 percent group self-help. I didn't feel uncomfortable one bit. We introduced ourselves, some people barely saying anything and others talking about 10 minutes and crying as they told so many details. We watched a video about this week's theme, which was the emotions involved in the divorce process and with divorce. And then we broke into groups and wrote on some big pieces of paper that were in the corners of the room and circled around the room adding to all the papers. The ones I can remember were:

* (Un)helpful Things People Say To Me
* Things I've Lost in the Divorce
* My Feelings

There were like 6 pages around the room and we went in groups of 3-4 and took turns writing what we wanted on the pages. We weren't supposed to repeat anything. It was super therapeutic to me to write down that I was feeling PISSED and MAD and to see all the other emotions that were up on that page. And to write what I feel like I've lost and to see so many other things I've lost and not even considered. After we all went to every page we sat down and the instructors read them and people commented and it was kind of lively and fun. Some people cried, but it was mostly uplifting and hopeful. They said that it's important to really think about every aspect in terms of helping to process and move forward.

They encouraged writing a journal so that in 6 months we can go back and re-read the first few pages. That it will really show us how far we've come in our journey. They likened the healing journey to a rollercoaster and said to notice the duration, intensity, and frequency of our lows. That even if we notice one thing, such as the duration of the sadness decreasing, then we should feel like we are making huge progress.

Next week's theme is anger. I feel mostly anger towards XH so I'm looking forward to this next class.

It was $15 total for the whole 13-week class and included a workbook. They also feed us every Sunday and provide free childcare. DS loved the kid club.

[locarb]

The course sounds very helpful and reasonably priced too. And I love free food I would be interested in reading your posts of any hot/emotional topics you discussed in class.

[mel]

I was looking into this too but was feeling kind of skeptical on the whole religion thing. Thank you so much for posting this review! I will seriously consider it now.

[WinterIsComing]

Thanks for the review tiffany81! I had considered attending one but was hesitant due to the religious aspect.

[tiffany81]

You're welcome. I would never have gone without being dragged there. The workbook has a heavy religious tone to it, but the class didn't. We prayed before we ate and started the session and as we left. And a few people in the class mentioned not being alone because they had God with them. But the class really wasn't about our faith or anything. I maybe rolled my eyes internally a time or two, but I didn't ever feel uncomfortable about it.

locarb - I'll definitely update as the classes go. This one wasn't too hot. Some people talked about financial consequences of their divorce and one woman talked about being abused by her alcoholic ex. A few people had been divorced for 6+ years and seemed very emotional. I figured this was a step in my healing to make sure I'm not still in such a fragile place in 1 year, much less 6.

[whattheheck]

I went to Divorce Care and found it very helpful. I'd glad you are liking it. Is the kid club just child care of DC4K?

[doriswe]

TBH, I wish I had known about groups like this when I was going through it. Not exactly for the information but more for the sense of comradery.

[tiffany81]

doriswe - I think the comradery was the best part for me. Most of the info was what I've learned here on this awesome board. It was nice to see it reinforced though.

whattheheck - the divorce care for kids was for 5-12 year olds and my son is only 4 so he went to straight childcare at the church. They played with toys, served them pizza, and did art projects. He made a bookmark.

[whattheheck]

Sept 17, 2014 14:40:19 GMT -5 tiffany81 said:

whattheheck - the divorce care for kids was for 5-12 year olds and my son is only 4 so he went to straight childcare at the church. They played with toys, served them pizza, and did art projects. He made a bookmark.

Thanks - I am curious as to what the DC4K is like but I haven't met anyone who has kids that went to it.  But Yea! for pizza!

[whattheheck]

Sept 17, 2014 8:15:38 GMT -5 locarb said:

The course sounds very helpful and reasonably priced too. And I love free food I would be interested in reading your posts of any hot/emotional topics you discussed in class.

The hot/emotional topics come a few weeks in when some trust and fellowship has been built so people feel safe sharing. 

[doriswe]

Sept 17, 2014 14:40:19 GMT -5 tiffany81 said:

doriswe - I think the comradery was the best part for me. Most of the info was what I've learned here on this awesome board. It was nice to see it reinforced though.

I relied heavily on this place while I was going through everything, but it would have been really nice to have a person, IRL, who really truly got it. Someone who could grab a coffee with me regularly, kwim? My friends were sooooo awesome, but they hadn't been there and didn't quite know how to deal with all of the ups and downs. 

[WinterIsComing]

Sept 17, 2014 14:44:28 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Sept 17, 2014 14:40:19 GMT -5 tiffany81 said:

doriswe - I think the comradery was the best part for me. Most of the info was what I've learned here on this awesome board. It was nice to see it reinforced though.

I relied heavily on this place while I was going through everything, but it would have been really nice to have a person, IRL, who really truly got it. Someone who could grab a coffee with me regularly, kwim? My friends were sooooo awesome, but they hadn't been there and didn't quite know how to deal with all of the ups and downs. 

That's exactly why I am considering going. My friends and family are awesome but they sometime don't get it since they haven't been through it. This board has been so great too for making me feel like I am not as crazy as I think but it's not the same as sitting across from someone.

Having someone to talk to IRL who is going through at the same time would be great.

[mel]

Sept 17, 2014 14:44:28 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Sept 17, 2014 14:40:19 GMT -5 tiffany81 said:

doriswe - I think the comradery was the best part for me. Most of the info was what I've learned here on this awesome board. It was nice to see it reinforced though.

I relied heavily on this place while I was going through everything, but it would have been really nice to have a person, IRL, who really truly got it. Someone who could grab a coffee with me regularly, kwim? My friends were sooooo awesome, but they hadn't been there and didn't quite know how to deal with all of the ups and downs. 

This is why I'm considering it as well. With my limited social circle I don't really get a chance to talk to someone IRL that understands where I'm coming from. I have my therapist and she's wonderful but sometimes I just want to talk and not be analyzed.

[onedayatatime]

Thanks for posting tiffany81 - I would be interested in hearing more about how the classes go. I fully agree with your statement about trying to work out emotions now - I don't want to end up sad and bitter for the next 6 years.

I have been lucky(?) that I have a friend who went through this a couple years ago, although in a different situation, and that I made a new friend who is one year out from a very similar divorce so they have understood quite a bit about how I have been feeling and have been super supportive. Even then though - I feel like I am talking too much about the divorce and my feelings for just two people to handle. It is likely my own insecurities that make me feel this way -- but having a full group and class sounds like an appealing idea.

[jellymankelly]

My XH went through one of these last spring. Not sure if he found it helpful (actually, I'm not sure why he went through it since we had been separated nearly 2.5 years at the time and he was thrilled about the divorce from day 1), but I know a lot of people who have been through the series and have gotten a lot out of it.

I had some friends who were going through divorce at the same time as me and they were my support system and sounding board. If I hadn't had them, I definitely would have sought out something like this.