Childcare woes

[mel]

Backstory: Okay so my custody situation is 1 week on/1 week off. I currently work overnight 7pm-7am, 3 nights per week. I have to give my ex the right of first refusal and lately she's been saying no to keeping him overnight while I work. I hired my current babysitter about 3 months ago but only have been using her on a consistent 3 nights/every other week basis. I felt great about her when I interviewed her and her references checked out. She typically gets here at 6pm to keep DS occupied while I get ready for work and I leave at 6:45. He goes to bed at 7:30 and I am home by the time he wakes up in the morning. So she only has to be interactive with him for an hour and a half each night. I allow her to sleep in my guest room and have no problem with her sleeping while she's here. I also allow her to help herself to any snacks or drinks that I have. Allow her to do homework while she's here, etc. I totally get that 13 hours at someone else's house is a long time and it's overnight so I try hard to be accommodating.

Here's the deal. She never makes the bed after she's slept in it. She leaves dirty dishes in the sink and will often pour something into the sink without rinsing it so it's always dirty or sticky. Twice now (on nights that weren't overnights) she has put the dog outside and forgotten to let the dog inside. This morning after she left I noticed an area on the carpet that was wet like something had spilled and not been cleaned up. Last night after I came downstairs from getting ready for work and was about to leave I found her sitting on the couch knitting while DS was just watching TV. No interaction was occurring. She is not responsible for his meals or bathing so it's like interacting with him and putting him to bed are her only responsibilities. Once before I went into check on DS after she left (again not an overnight) and found that she had put him to bed in his regular clothes and not his pajamas. Last night I told her that I had set some diapers out and her response was "I've never had to change his diaper before bed". Wtf? This babysitter is a 21 year old college student that is majoring in early childhood education. Come on. Don't you know better?? DS seems to like her though. He's always happy to see her, goes to her quickly, never seems upset when I leave, and is very cuddly with her from what I see. But I can't shake this feeling of irritation with her and thinking "seriously I'm not your mother, clean up after yourself and do the job you were hired for. I'm your employer not your mother".

Would you talk to her about your concerns and see if there is any improvement after awhile or would you flat out fire her and find someone else? It's not easy finding someone willing to come stay overnight for such a long period of time and all the other families that I've met that she babysits for seem to really like her. Plus she's rather affordable. $75/night.

[tiffany81]

I'd talk to her. The issues seem minor and easily fixed. I probably wouldn't worry about the no-interaction part that one time though since kids don't really need constant interaction. But if you worry about it, you can always set out certain activities for them to do together (color, simple puzzles, etc.) so she knows you have something specific for them to do.

I agree that it's hard to find people for that price for overnight and who our children like. So I'd definitely try working with her first. GL!

[locarb]

Did you discuss cleaning in the initial interview? If it wasn't discussed as part of her duties, she may not be obliging or ask for more money. I personally think someone should clean up after themselves but this is not first nature to some individuals.

I would definitely discuss your expectations of changing a diaper, pajamas, interataction, etc..as it relates to your DS. Mention the dishes too.

If you don't see a change, I would find someone else.

I think this is a matter of 'how much you can put up with'

[mel]

I just don't know if I'm blowing these issues out of proportions. Overall, it's a great price, DS is taken care of, and she seems to always be available to care for him whenever I need her to and DS is happy. Maybe my expectations are too high? I think she's a great person it just seems that these are more annoyances. It doesn't help that I am awake all day with DS the day I go to work, awake all night for work, and then awake all day with DS when I get home from work (so awake typically 36 hours at a time). So by the time I get home from work I'm exhausted and already a bit edgy. I would send DS to daycare during the day if I could but I can't afford child support, babysitter at night, and daycare. I have to work nights because I need the shift differentials to get by. Hopefully when he starts preschool I will be able to get more rest during the day and may be a little less bitchy haha.

[mel]

Sept 17, 2014 8:22:21 GMT -5 locarb said:

Did you discuss cleaning in the initial interview? If it wasn't discussed as part of her duties, she may not be obliging or ask for more money. I personally think someone should clean up after themselves but this is not first nature to some individuals.

I would definitely discuss your expectations of changing a diaper, pajamas, interataction, etc..as it relates to your DS. Mention the dishes too.

If you don't see a change, I would find someone else.

I think this is a matter of 'how much you can put up with'

I did discuss with her basics about "clean up after yourself" but did tell her that I did not expect her to do any housekeeping. She has never lived on her own so maybe cleaning up after herself to her does mean just putting the dishes in the sink. DS is somewhat developmentally delayed in several aspects and I made her aware of it when I interviewed her and laid out my expectations of how I wanted her to interact with him and what types of activities I wanted her to do. Maybe I need to make out specific plans for the evenings that she's here so she knows what I expect each day? Then again am I being unrealistic in expecting a lot when the day is winding down for DS and it's that after dinner/before bedtime transition and considering it's really only an hour and a half that he's awake with her? He isn't even 3 yet. Am I overthinking this?? Please tell me that I'm being neurotic and that my child does not need Mary Poppins to be with him while he literally sleeps. Is this first time mom syndrome?

Ugh it's so hard to trust someone else to care for your child!

[stephreloaded]

After what you posted, I would be looking for a new person TBH.

[sunshineluv]

I would be specific about my expectations, and give her another chance. Tell her, that as you discussed in the interview process, you do not expect her to clean, but you do expect her to clean up after herself. You want the place to look the same as it was when you left. No dishes in the sink, the bed made, toys put away. I would specify no tv (unless tv is okay).

I would imagine it is hard to find childcare for an unpredicatable schedule like yours, nothing she is doing is awful, and can be easily fixed.

[mel]

I asked her to come early tomorrow so that I can sit down and discuss more thoroughly my expectations. I want to be as clear as possible with her so that I'm setting her up for success. It's really hard to find childcare that works with my schedule so as long as I see improvements and DS remains happy then I will keep her. I'm really hoping that she will take what I have to say to heart and make the changes. It took me 6 months to find someone willing to care for him on my schedule.

[abcdefu]

After working a 12-13 hour shift the last thing I would want to do is someone else's dishes, especially someone I am paying for a service. I would talk to her about cleaning up after herself and making the bed.

DISCLAIMER: I don't have children.

[Wanderista]

I don't have children so I can't really comment on that but I can say that when I was younger I worked as a pet sitter on the side for a bit of extra money and because I enjoyed it. I got paid to stay overnight at someone else's house with her dog and she was similarly generous. I always cleaned up after myself. I made my own bed and did my dishes. I basically left the house as if I'd never been there. She never had to ask me.

I could understand if she was a little messy or forgot from time to time but she sounds pretty sloppy, lazy and possibly disrespectful. Maybe you can research other options and keep an eye out for someone who will work out better?