How Do you know when it's over?

[Deleted]

It's not easy to make that decision, but you are your own advocate and YOU are the only one who is in control over yourself, your actions and taking charge of your life. You are the only one in this world who has the ability and control to speak up for yourself. Hugs.

[cuddlyevil]

It's over when you feel it's over.

For me, I knew it was over when I started noticing how less stressed the kids and I were when he was gone. Things were easier. He also said some things and threw a lot back at my feet. Ultimately, neither of us were happy but I still had to be the one to actually say the words "I don't" when he said he wanted to stay married.

Are you in therapy (together or by yourself)? That is what helped me.

[margarita]

The answer is different for everyone. You have to do what feels right for you.

I just wanted to add - I know you say that your health issues held the both of you back in certain ways. That may be true, I don't know, but that in no way excuses him taking things out on you.
He's not being held hostage here! He's an adult, he made choices too, and he chose to stay with you. He doesn't get a free pass to beat up on you for things that were out of your control.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Take care of yourself.

[cuddlyevil]

I agree with margarita, it isn't your fault you had health issues. He cannot hold those against you nor does it excuse his behavior. Yes, I can see how it could cause resentment but it does not give him the right to yell at you or be a general asshole.

[Deleted]

Its usually over when you have to ask if its over~

It should be over when you feel better when he isn't around.

You aren't happy and you deserve to be, we all do. Making the decision is a huge step, but believe me as soon as you come to that decision and the words come out of your mouth you will fee better.

[gault]

When you feel relief when he is out of the house, it's probably over.

I'm sorry. Like doglove said, advocate for yourself because you are important and you have choices. Your health is not your fault and he is not holding up his end of the partnership if he is transferring health issues onto who you are as a person.

[awick14]

((Hugs)) it's probably over if you have to ask if it is.

Like doglove said, it's not your fault you have medical conditions. A good, supportive H wouldn't make you feel guilty about it or resent you for it.

[tiramisu]

Others have given good advice. I think you need to listen to your gut. When it's telling you it's over, then it's over. I think it's already telling you that or you wouldn't be asking the question, but I alai understand how easy it is to try to explain away and dismiss that voice. Hugs to you. I know this isn't easy.

[Chirp]

Ditto everyone else.

I knew it was over for nearly 4 years before I actually allowed myself to get a divorce. The final nail in the coffin was when I went to my very first therapy appointment when I realized that my then H had become a lazy, controlling doucher.

Before the hour was up, my therapist asked me a few things:
What do I get out of the relationship?
    I had nothing to say. I wasn't getting a damn thing out of it. Not even a     dependable roomate to share bills and household responsibilities with.
Are you happy or even content?
    No to both
Is this relationship what I want for the rest of my life?
    Hellz no!
What's holding me back?
    Myself

After that, I told him I wanted a divorce, separated and then filed for divorce when the state allowed. And now, my son and I couldn't be happier.