talk to me about counseling

[Deleted]

I've been in and out of counseling since I was three. I've been pretty lucky in that most of my therapists I clicked with. Most recently I realized I needed help when I threatened suicide about 4 years ago. My parents made me go and I'm glad I did. For the first time I was totally honest and it made all the difference. I tend to gravitate toward women but if a man came highly recommended I'd try him out. Counseling has literally saved my life a few times and I've never felt so happy and content.

[gretchenindisguise]

Sept 17, 2014 21:51:56 GMT -5 @stpete said:

I don't think my insurance covers it and it's looking like an average of $100/session. I make to much for any sliding scale consideration, but not enough to pay $400/mo on counseling. Damn.

I saw this on the app so I'm jumping in.

Mental Health Parity law should mean that you have a set amount covered. Probably around 12-20.

[1confused1]

what made you realize you needed professional help? I don't have coping skills for any aspect of my life, but it became glaringly evident during my divorce

how did you find your person? First time, EAP. Second time, Google. Third time, friend.

Man or woman, did it matter to you? Your age, younger, older? Doesn't matter to me. Although the person I am seeing now is familiar with courts/family law/custody stuff

How easy do you find it is to be honest with this person? So easy

What do you pay pet visit? Is any of it covered by insurance? I pay per visit, $125, but I told her my story and she charges me at the insurance rate which is cheaper. I have to reach a certain amount before insurance will cover it.

What is your counselor's credentials? I don't remember. But I trust her.

And, from your earlier post, you would love her! She is hippy, natural lady to the core.

[Deleted]

I started seeing a counselor when I was going through my divorce. The tipping point was when I had an accidental pregnancy and terminated it. I actually was doing ok, I just thought that if it was my friend having all that crazy stuff happening at once, I'd hope she was going to counseling. I figured it was best to kind of preemptively make sure I wasn't going to lose my mind. 

I had been seeing a psychiatrist, who I basically picked out the phone book, and my counselor was in the same practice so the psychiatrist set me up with her. I think she picked her for me because my counselor was similar to me in a lot of ways - somewhat recently divorced, only 5 years or so older than me, etc. 

I saw a male a few years ago, and really clicked more with the female. I don't think I'd go to another male, I did relate to him differently. But it probably depends on the individual more than anything.

She has a LCSW (I think?) and my insurance covered it 100%. I haven't been going recently because I don't have much to talk about, and I just lost my good insurance earlier this month so IDK if or when I'll be back. I think sessions are around $100 out of pocket. 

I am pretty guarded and while I wouldn't say it was hard to be honest, it was hard to share EVERYTHING, if that makes sense. She called me out on being guarded, though, and over time she felt like a supportive friend and the only person I could admit some things to without feeling like I'd be judged or they'd hold it against me/situations in the future.

[cuddlyevil]

I started going when I realized I wanted out of my marriage but was too scared to say it.

My EAP suggested her. I also liked her.

Paid $30 for a copay after the three free sessions were up.

Mine had her MA.

I was ready to talk it out so sharing was easy. It was listening and hearing her perspective that was hard.

[MauMau]

I've been to many since HS. The current one because of the divorce and the lead up to the divorce I was depressed and nearly suicidal. Large part due to my treatment at home by stbx.

She's a women. Older than me by at least 10-15 years. She's been divorced and remarried. So I feel like she's a good coach for my life process right now.

All things are on the table. I don't hold back. I share every bit. Including the new guy prospect. And she's been great with helping me navigate the moving forward step.

I love her because I don't cry during my sessions anymore. My marriage consoler I would cry at every session and was terrified. (uhhh hello Mau Mau red flag!) I should of walked out and went to my parents when the ass didn't commit me for suicidal thoughts. He legally should of. When my therapist worked through all that bad stuff and how terribly I was treated. I really appreciated her and thought she knew her shit.

I was paying $65 for 45 minutes. But it should be less now that my deductible is met. She's worth every penny. I go every week and I will until my divorce is final. Then hopefully it can be twice a month.

First impression is important. Don't go a 2nd time if the first time was crap. You can "shop" around.

Credentials? She has them. I didn't really look into it much. But she's good.

[mel]

what made you realize you needed professional help? I've been in and out of therapy since I was a teenager. For me I always know that it's time to go back when my depression and anxiety start taking over my daily life or when I start physically hurting myself again. Typically it starts out with feeling worthless and having crying episodes and then it spirals down from there pretty quickly to "my life sucks and there's no hope for me to ever be happy again so what's the point".

how did you find your person? The one I have now I found via word of mouth. She came recommended by a friend that takes her daughter to see her. My last one I found through EAP.

Man or woman, did it matter to you? Your age, younger, older? Older woman. It doesn't really matter to me. I've been to both older and younger men and women. I'll go to any of them as long as they are a good fit for me.

How easy do you find it is to be honest with this person? It takes me awhile to open up and be honest but that's because I've been hospitalized before when I got caught cutting by my close friend. It was a traumatizing experience for me and most of the time unless the counselor or psychiatrist has experience with self injury then they have a tendency to freak out, claim you are a danger to yourself, and stick you back in the hospital. So it's important to me that they understand my problem and listen to me carefully. Until I feel like I can talk to them without them freaking out about my safety I'm not very open.

What do you pay pet visit? Is any of it covered by insurance? $75/ 45 minutes. I have insurance coverage through kaiser but here it's very difficult to get an appt with a therapist and typically only on a monthly basis. I know I need weekly therapy so I pay OOP.

What is your counselor's credentials? I see an LPC.

[Mrs.Rad888]

DH and I went to a marriage counselor earlier this year. We had some issues to work through, but the biggest problem is that neither of us are any good at resolving conflict. DH was ready to throw in the towel, so I went in 100%. I didn't feel DH was totally in, but I could understand his feeling guarded at that point.
I found him by asking a friend who had gone through a problem in her marriage not too long ago. She had nothing but good things to say about him. As far as insurance, DH and I have Tricare, and all we need is a referral from our PCM, and we need to make sure they accept our insurance.
To me, the sex of our counselor didn't matter, as long as we both felt comfortable with him. We had a previous counselor that we didn't really click with who was also a male.
I found it very easy to be open and honest with the counselor, because it was my marriage on the line. Also, because he accepted that both of us played a role in affecting our marriage.

I believe our counselor has a MSW, or a Masters of something. My only concern was that he had gone to a school of Theology for his degree, and I didn't want our counseling to be faith-based. That's fine for those who want it, we didn't. For the record, the counseling was completely secular.

Just remember that not every person is going to click with every counselor. If you end up at another one that you don't feel is working for you, keep looking. It's important that you feel comfortable with whoever you choose.

[Eureka1984]

what made you realize you needed professional help?

I have been seeing a therapist since graduating high school to cope with my depression. Then, when I divorced I saw them more because I couldn't cope.

how did you find your person? I googled doctors in town and also used my insurance.

There are websites out there that give grades or reviews on doctors

Man or woman, did it matter to you? Your age, younger, older?

It didn't matter to me. Though most of my therapist were women. They were older than me and generally warm and welcoming.

How easy do you find it is to be honest with this person?

Pretty honest. I don't hold back as I was coming to them for professional help.

What do you pay pet visit? Is any of it covered by insurance?
With insurance it was $25 a visit but lately I haven't been seeing the actual doctor (the psychologist/psychiatrist) so it can be cheaper to see LCSWs and my copay went down to $15.

What is your counselor's credentials? I am at the University in our town and they have such a group of people. Lately I have been seeing LCSWs or med students as I am not getting medication and I'm just talking. Typically you see the actual psychologist/psychiatrist for the actual Initial consultation then they can refer you to others in their practice.

[geekychic]

what made you realize you needed professional help?

I started when I STBX and I split.  He did a number on me and there are some issues (of my own as well) for me to work through.  I worked through the grief process and had a period of depression.

how did you find your person?

Funny story.  STBX found him.  He was our marriage counselor for 2 sessions until he told STBX that in order to keep the marriage, he had to get rid of his GF. lol.  After we split, I went back because I liked him and he already had the backstory.

Man or woman, did it matter to you? Your age, younger, older?

It didn't matter to me.  My person is a male and older.

How easy do you find it is to be honest with this person?

I am still working on full honesty.  I am relatively new to the whole therapy thing.  It is easier when I am open.  He gives spot on advice. 

What do you pay pet visit? Is any of it covered by insurance?

Mine has a sliding scale.  He is out of network for me.  And my insurance only covers X sessions which is far less than I need.  So I pay mostly OOP.

What is your counselor's credentials?

LCSW-C



I was really suprised that is wasn't just talk and cry.  He offered tools to deal with everything.  Advice on how to approach problems.  We have discussions about the why and how to diffuse my feelings or address them appropriately.  I recommend everyone do it.

[pantsoffdanceoff]

@stpete - I don't think you are nuts or a fool. I am sorry that you are going through this. I don't really have any advice, but I do think talking to a professional might help you break the cycle with him for good.

[achase123]

what made you realize you needed professional help?

I started going because I thought XH and i were going to go together after allegations of him cheating came out when I was newly pregnant.  He went once but i continued going and it made me stronger.  I still go to a life coach, periodically.  She's absolutely amazing and makes me feel like I'm on the right track in my career, as a mother, and in my personal life.

how did you find your person?

I found my current life coach online but turns out she's one of the best in this area.

Man or woman, did it matter to you? Your age, younger, older?


I'm comfortable with a woman and she's older than me.

How easy do you find it is to be honest with this person?


So easy.  She called me on all of my shit instantly.  I like her "no bs" approach. She doesn't soft petal around me at all. She is pretty direct and I love her for it.

What do you pay pet visit? Is any of it covered by insurance?


By check.  She's not covered by my particular insurance which sucks but I love her so much I pay the price anyways.

What is your counselor's credentials?

she's a PhD.

[cuddlyevil]

PDQ

@stpete, I don't think you're a fool. I think he's like an addiction for you and those are hard to break without expert help.

I do think you need to cut him out of your life entirely, that means no more contact and no more visits. But I do know that is easier said than done.

The guy I was dating before stbx was for me what DB is to you. And it was hard to break free of him, even when I did, I stayed in contact and that allowed him to maintain some control over me. Once I cut off contact, he went into full on "I'm going to wreck you like you wrecked me" mode. It was horrible and stressful. And I will own that everything that happened with him had a direct impact on my relationship with stbx. It was brutal. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

But you can come out the other side. I promise and I am proud of you for seeking out help to get past it.

[jena]

@stpete, I think that repeating a behavior that you don't understand and don't want to do is a perfectly valid reason to talk to a therapist.

I went because I had to pull over to cry more than once on my commute home several times a week. I saw an older woman. I had seen my GP first and she referred me. I signed papers so they could talk about me and GP prescribed meds after talking to therapist. I paid out of pocket, I don't remember the amount but $100ish. And depending on your needs, it might not be weekly after the first month. I started tapering off sessions pretty fast.

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

@stpete I don't think that at all. I totally understand how there are sometimes people who just have that effect on us no matter how strong we think we are or what we think we've learned this time around or whatever. It happens. I think a good counselor can help you with reflecting your own thoughts back to yourself and help you figure out ways to avoid this situation if that's what you want to do. Hugs. I'm sorry this happened.

[jigsy]

StPete, don't feel bad. We all make choices that we know are stupid. Especially with love.
I don't think you need to be depressed to go to counseling. I think it could be beneficial for you to figure out why, when you have a good head on your shoulders, you let him effect you so much. You know he's bad news, why are you willing to accept that into your life and think it's good?

I only started to go to therapy recently. At first, it was because I was looking for coping skills, but it's morphed into figuring out why I have such a negative self image. STBX was not good for me, counseling helped me see that.

[Deleted]

Sept 18, 2014 6:27:31 GMT -5 @stpete said:

Eta please don't quote.

I don't think you're a fool.  I think most of us have been here in some way or another at some point in our lives. Certain people just get to you and it's hard to shake free of it.

I agree that completely cutting all contact is a good idea. I also think meeting with a counselor can't hurt. They are there for more than just mental illness. That said, usually to bill to insurance they will need some sort of diagnosis. I think most counselors will come up with something (my first counselor called it "adjustment disorder") so that insurance will cover it.

What I liked the most about my counselor was that she never made me feel stupid about my feelings. She had been through a lot of things similar to me, and understood where I was coming from - or at least did a really good job of making me feel that way. I had a lot of anxiety about getting hurt when I started dating and falling for my BF, and she was awesome at letting me talk it through and then offering constructive ways of coping, letting me know my feelings were both normal and irrational, and just generally making me feel more capable of handling what was happening in my life. Could I have done fine without her? I think so, I was never experiencing severe emotional trauma or a lot of really awful things that people would go to a counselor for. But she did improve my life and my outlook and for that I think counseling is totally worth it.

Now that I've said that, I miss her! I wish I could go back, lol. Sometimes it's also nice to just be able to sit and talk about myself for an hour. Actual relationships are always 2 sided and sometimes it's nice to be able talk about YOU without having to reciprocate

[Deleted]

Sept 18, 2014 6:27:31 GMT -5 @stpete said:

.

I do this, too.  Think anyone will do a two-for-one and we can share sessions for the same problem?  

Hope you find someone you like.  (hugs)

[blanca]

I feel the same way about my exfi. I get so angry and disappointed in myself that I let him completely shit on me and yet I would still do anything to be with him. I'm a smart, professional woman who has it together in most areas of my life. It makes no sense why I put up with his shit. I do see a counselor and she is helping me realize why I did that and it's definitely helped me "let go" of this guy

[Eureka1984]

@stpete I don't think you are nuts for wanting to speak to someone. I think we all do stupid things in love and I can totally relate. I think it's awesome that you recognize the need to just speak to a 3rd party and learn from it.

[riverpestie]

Sept 17, 2014 21:39:06 GMT -5 @stpete said:

what made you realize you needed professional help?

how did you find your person?

Man or woman, did it matter to you? Your age, younger, older?

How easy do you find it is to be honest with this person?

What do you pay pet visit? Is any of it covered by insurance?

What is your counselor's credentials?

I did therapy after my BIL (like a father to me) was murdered and my two dogs died (one of which was tragic, the other was due to old age). All this happened within a few months of each other. 

I went through the EAP at my job. 

I prefer male therapists. Age isn't a factor for me. 

Sometimes I find it difficult to be truthful about my feelings, but I was honest about them anyway. He couldn't help if I wasn't honest. 
My first 6 sessions were free, so I didn't pay for those. Anything after that was my co-pay of $35. 

He has a PhD. 

[cuddlyevil]

mofongo, you missed the update. She found evidence that he'd cheated on the FI--recently and sent it all on to her. The engagement was ended.

[Deleted]

Sept 17, 2014 21:39:06 GMT -5 @stpete said:

what made you realize you needed professional help? When my anxiety was thru the roof and I could not function.

how did you find your person? Thru my insurance, they recommended some places, I looked at bio's online and found someone I loved.

Man or woman, did it matter to you? Your age, younger, older? woman, older, very new age and mature. I feel like I am talking to a friend.

How easy do you find it is to be honest with this person? Very easy.

What do you pay pet visit? Is any of it covered by insurance? Right now, nothing. Once I fulfill my deductible for the year it is free. Until then I pay $123 but I put it on my HSA card and so it doesn't come out of my pocket.

What is your counselor's credentials? MA

[berbles]

what made you realize you needed professional help?

When I started considering having an affair 5 years ago.


how did you find your person?


Through my insurance website.  I knew I wanted a therapist and NOT a psychiatrist.  I wanted someone who specialized in marriage issues and understood the lasting effects of addiction.  I was adamant that we not spend all my time talking about growing up with an alcoholic and addict dad, but also I wanted her to fundamentally understand that it's part of my history.  

Man or woman, did it matter to you? Your age, younger, older?

I find it easier to talk to women, but I would have considered a man.  Age didn't matter to me.  Mine is in her 40s.


How easy do you find it is to be honest with this person?

VERY.  We clicked immediately.  She "got" me in our first session.  She was the first therapist I've EVER had who, instead of asking me for a million details about my dad, heard my story and said, "So tell me about your mom."  I said, "REALLY?"  And she said, "Well she's the one who raised you, right?"  


What do you pay pet visit? Is any of it covered by insurance?


I used to have a $30 copay, but last year I guess my insurance changed because I don't pay anything now!

What is your counselor's credentials?

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMF/LMFT/MFT).  She's also an RN, which has been especially nice when dealing with some of my health issues over the last few years.

[glitzyglow]

what made you realize you needed professional help?
I was trying to work things out with a man (my exH) who treated me terribly. Everyone saw it and I knew it, but yet I couldn't let go even though he was all sorts of shady and would not commit to fixing anything (he cheated on me, amongst other wrongdoings). He came and went in my life as he pleased and I kept letting him. It was draining and I needed help moving forward.

how did you find your person?
My university had counseling services and as a student, I took advantage of the program. They had me do an intake process where I filled out a lengthy survey about my life and my situation and then they placed me with someone they thought was appropriate for the issues I was dealing with.

Man or woman, did it matter to you? Your age, younger, older?
I had previously had counseling with women and knew that I hadn't meshed with either, but I had an open mind going in. I was placed with a male therapist and he was a great match for me. He was in his late 50s, I believe.

How easy do you find it is to be honest with this person?
Very. I never felt judged. He was gentle but honest with me and I felt safe knowing he would be honest with me in a non-harsh way.

What do you pay pet visit? Is any of it covered by insurance?
My answer is really skewed because I was student and had student insurance, so I paid $6 a visit for the first 12 visits, and $12 for any visits thereafter.

What is your counselor's credentials?
PhD in Clinical Psychology or Educational Psychology, I can't remember anymore.