FB rage: "swatting" babies

[kristie]

Someone on my fb had a baby three weeks before me, so her baby is roughly nine months? This was her post today....

Need some advice! Baby boy doesn't listen/obey me when I tell him NO! ha ha, i know, but I didn't have this problem with (sister)! Every time I told her no, she quit doing whatever it was, even when she was just a baby. (9 month old baby) looks at me and grins, or laughs, or does something really cute & thinks it's a game. I've tried telling him sternly (he giggles). I've tried swatting his hand or behind while telling him no (he giggles). I've tried telling him no while moving him to a new spot, far away from what he's doing (he giggles & makes a beeline back to whatever he was doing). I'm at a loss!

There are lots of comments about they have the same problem, no solution. And then this gem from someone who has a baby (not big toddler) as her profile pic..... (Baby) does the same thing. I have to get a little firmer with the diaper swats at times, but I (try to) make her obey on her own without removing her from the situation, unless it's dangerous of course! Keep truckin' fellow mama! Consistency is key!

I responded with this....

Redirection and moving things. He is not cognitively developed enough to associate you hitting him with his actions. He just wants to explore. This is not a defiance thing at this age, this is a baby thing. So move things, redirect, or distract.


No response yet, but OMG. I am shocked that people think babies should be obedient and that hitting them is the answer. They don't even know words! I am seriously worked up about this and doing my best not to go back and say meaner things. So that's why I had to come here. It's making my stomach turn and my blood boil at the same time.

I might dd this later.

[Deleted]

Because a 9 month old is willfully defiant? SMH! I'm glad you spoke up.

[speckledfrog]

Wouldn't it be great if everyone took a class in child development before they became parents? It's the blind leading the blind out there and doing the parenting thing without wanting to hit or scream at your child can be really difficult.

[jeaniebueller]

I hate people.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[karmasabiotch]

People suck

[kristie]

Sept 18, 2014 16:33:26 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

Wouldn't it be great if everyone took a class in child development before they became parents? It's the blind leading the blind out there and doing the parenting thing without wanting to hit or scream at your child can be really difficult.

I know that everybody has not taken human growth and development. I wish some of this stuff was more common knowledge. But! I still feel like this should be common sense. It seems that I am wrong?

[berbles]

Otterama once told me she planned to blanket train Rosie.      I told her I thought that was child abuse.

[kristie]

Sept 18, 2014 17:03:36 GMT -5 berbles said:

Otterama once told me she planned to blanket train Rosie.      I told her I thought that was child abuse.

I don't even know what this is. Off to google.....

[berbles]

Sept 18, 2014 17:05:07 GMT -5 kristie said:

Sept 18, 2014 17:03:36 GMT -5 berbles said:

Otterama once told me she planned to blanket train Rosie.      I told her I thought that was child abuse.

I don't even know what this is. Off to google.....

The Duggars do it.  It's one of the methods the Pearls suggest in their book... what's it called?  To train up a child.  Blech.

[speckledfrog]

Sept 18, 2014 16:59:07 GMT -5 kristie said:

Sept 18, 2014 16:33:26 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

Wouldn't it be great if everyone took a class in child development before they became parents? It's the blind leading the blind out there and doing the parenting thing without wanting to hit or scream at your child can be really difficult.

I know that everybody has not taken human growth and development. I wish some of this stuff was more common knowledge. But! I still feel like this should be common sense. It seems that I am wrong?

I wasn't being snarky.  I was lamenting the fact that so many people end up go into parenting with such little knowledge about child development or support.  It's a tough gig.  People default a lot to how they were raised and a lot of our parents hit.  It's so easy to fight with your child for control but it's just misdirecting your efforts.  I would be a MUCH different parent if it weren't for my degree and teaching experience.  I frequently have to stop myself from acting on my (dumb) instincts and get more rational about things.

[kristie]

Sept 18, 2014 17:08:33 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

Sept 18, 2014 16:59:07 GMT -5 kristie said:

I know that everybody has not taken human growth and development. I wish some of this stuff was more common knowledge. But! I still feel like this should be common sense. It seems that I am wrong?

I wasn't being snarky.  I was lamenting the fact that so many people end up go into parenting with such little knowledge about child development or support.  It's a tough gig.  People default a lot to how they were raised and a lot of our parents hit.  It's so easy to fight with your child for control but it's just misdirecting your efforts.  I would be a MUCH different parent if it weren't for my degree and teaching experience.  I frequently have to stop myself from acting on my (dumb) instincts and get more rational about things.

I didn't take you as snarky at all. I was thinking (typing) out loud. It was a class I took a million years ago. I guess it just stuck with me. I can always stop and say "their brain doesn't work that way yet". I know it's easy to default to how you were raised. I have to work really hard to suppress anger and try to think calmly and logically. I would be a different parent for sure without some of this knowledge, but I can honestly say I have never had to suppress an instinct to hit a baby.

[speckledfrog]

Sept 18, 2014 17:16:05 GMT -5 kristie said:

Sept 18, 2014 17:08:33 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

I wasn't being snarky.  I was lamenting the fact that so many people end up go into parenting with such little knowledge about child development or support.  It's a tough gig.  People default a lot to how they were raised and a lot of our parents hit.  It's so easy to fight with your child for control but it's just misdirecting your efforts.  I would be a MUCH different parent if it weren't for my degree and teaching experience.  I frequently have to stop myself from acting on my (dumb) instincts and get more rational about things.

I didn't take you as snarky at all. I was thinking (typing) out loud. It was a class I took a million years ago. I guess it just stuck with me. I can always stop and say "their brain doesn't work that way yet". I know it's easy to default to how you were raised. I have to work really hard to suppress anger and try to think calmly and logically. I would be a different parent for sure without some of this knowledge, but I can honestly say I have never had to suppress an instinct to hit a baby.

I have.  It sounds absolutely terrible, I know. It feels shitty, too.  It's borne out of anger, frustration, and a lack of knowing WTF else to do.  I often wonder if people who weren't hit as children feel the same when they are at the end of their rope. 

I've never hit my kids, no need to call CPS!

[kristie]

Sept 18, 2014 17:21:24 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

Sept 18, 2014 17:16:05 GMT -5 kristie said:

I didn't take you as snarky at all. I was thinking (typing) out loud. It was a class I took a million years ago. I guess it just stuck with me. I can always stop and say "their brain doesn't work that way yet". I know it's easy to default to how you were raised. I have to work really hard to suppress anger and try to think calmly and logically. I would be a different parent for sure without some of this knowledge, but I can honestly say I have never had to suppress an instinct to hit a baby.

I have.  It sounds absolutely terrible, I know. It feels shitty, too.  It's borne out of anger, frustration, and a lack of knowing WTF else to do.  I often wonder if people who weren't hit as children feel the same when they are at the end of their rope. 

I've never hit my kids, no need to call CPS!

I have gotten frustrated with babies, don't get me wrong. I understand why shaken baby syndrome is a thing, they can definitely push you to your boiling point. I think everyone has gotten fed up with situations. That isn't what I was talking about though, and I am not being clear tonight about anything. Lol. I mean it isn't instinct to use spanking as a form of discipline for a baby, the idea of even "disciplining" a baby never crossed my mind. I don't expect them to obey me, and I don't see their babyness as defiance. That is the instinct I am saying I don't have.

[lilafowler]

Insert @fucksticklegit WUT face.

He's a BABY. They don't even know HOW to be willful.

[Overthemoon]

If the next step to try is "Hit them harder", you're probably doing it wrong.

[berbles]

Sept 18, 2014 18:56:07 GMT -5 Que? said:

Sept 18, 2014 17:07:23 GMT -5 berbles said:

The Duggars do it.  It's one of the methods the Pearls suggest in their book... what's it called?  To train up a child.  Blech.

I still have no clue how she was ever allowed to adopt that baby.
Last time this came up, she was still one of your besties. Is that still the case?

We are still FB friends, but she moved back to Michigan.

[speckledfrog]

Sept 18, 2014 18:56:07 GMT -5 Que? said:

Sept 18, 2014 17:07:23 GMT -5 berbles said:

The Duggars do it.  It's one of the methods the Pearls suggest in their book... what's it called?  To train up a child.  Blech.

I still have no clue how she was ever allowed to adopt that baby.
Last time this came up, she was still one of your besties. Is that still the case?

It was a friend of hers, so there was no agency involved. 

kristie, gotcha.  Even now I try to use redirection and distraction as much as possible.  Mostly because it means I hear less screaming and whining. 

[wambam]

Michael and Debi Pearl are the vilest most disgusting pigs on the planet.

www.examiner.com/article/another-couple-found-guilty-of-murder-for-parenting-by-to-train-up-a-child

[papie]

Omg wambam. I had never heard of them, I want to puke. There are truly people out there who use fear as a parenting philosophy? Like consciously? Those poor babies.

[nonsensetomfoolery]

I love when people tell me that their kid is being manipulative or defiant. Um. Your kid just grasped the concept of object permanence and cause and effect toys can sometimes confuse them, so I'm thinking that they probably aren't being manipulative or defiant, they are just being a baby.

[PeonyParty]

Sept 18, 2014 17:03:36 GMT -5 berbles said:

Otterama once told me she planned to blanket train Rosie.      I told her I thought that was child abuse.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

[Deleted]

Blech

[jenna]

kristie, I am glad you said something to those parents.

[CurlyQ284]

I wish I hadn't read that link. I can't imagine treating my son like that.

[joshlyman]

The Pearls are possibly the worst human beings on the planet.

And the believe in swatting starting as young as 3 months. THREE MONTHS. And first time obedience, no questions. Like, if your kid so much as hesitates you bed to beat them. With plumbing line. They have even advised on how to beat a kid so that the marks aren't visible to "outsiders".

[sushi]

Sept 18, 2014 20:19:41 GMT -5 papie said:

Omg wambam. I had never heard of them, I want to puke. There are truly people out there who use fear as a parenting philosophy? Like consciously? Those poor babies.

Yeah, like the Duggars. You know, that wholesome family that gets thousands to be around tv.

[starlily]

I had to google blanket training. I wish I hadn't. Those poor babies.

[kristie]

Sept 18, 2014 20:19:41 GMT -5 papie said:

Omg wambam. I had never heard of them, I want to puke. There are truly people out there who use fear as a parenting philosophy? Like consciously? Those poor babies.

I am in an area that has a very religious culture. Most of the families around here followed James Dobson and focus on the family crap as guidance for parenting. It is very adversarial, and its goal seems to be to break the will of the child. My ILs recommended "the strong willed child" by Dobson. A few times DH has gone on autopilot and repeated crap from his childhood and said "she is either going to mind out of love or she is going to mind out of fear". It is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. He still thinks that the sign of a "good" child is one who immediately follows their parents commands. It is so hard to chip away at these long held beliefs of how children should be raised. He barely tolerates his parents. He is pissed about so much crap from his childhood, but easily defaults to it.

[mrsrumfkin]

Sept 18, 2014 20:19:41 GMT -5 papie said:

Omg wambam. I had never heard of them, I want to puke. There are truly people out there who use fear as a parenting philosophy? Like consciously? Those poor babies.

Yes, there are. Mine did. FF 26 years, diagnosed BPD-II & severe anxiety. 

[mrsrumfkin]

I don't have children and just reading your response made my chest tight. I don't even "swat" my dog. Ever. We use hands-off training, and IF I ever have kids, I'll also be hands off with them.