So, XH is engaged...

[mcc]

I kind of already knew thanks to someone I reconnected with who felt the need to tell me. But today my mom said she had downloaded the FB messenger app and an old message with him loaded and she saw the pic of them. She's pretty and he looks happy. He's either clean or in one of his "upswings" because his FB cover pic is some "vegan for lyfe!" banner with peace, love, carrots or something on it.

I'm not upset but I'm not particularly thrilled. As I sit here in sweats eating an entire bag of popcorn that will likely make me fart like a Clydesdale later, I feel sad. I know I'm in a better place and that this will be his 3rd marriage and 4th engagement, but it still bothers me that he's "happy" with someone before I am. He did a doozy on me and it took a while to recover but I'm better for it. But I wanted to win. I deserve to be happy with someone first, not him. I know it's not about that but it still stings...especially seeing his family all like and comment on the pic. 

Sigh...I also got my period today so I'm in pain and emotional. Hugs?

[MyName]

You can still win. I totally understand this mindset. I am winning now, but I know that motherfucker is going to be settled down and "happy" long before I am. But it's a marathon, not a sprint. You will win in the long run because you are the better person. ((hugs))

[mcc]

Thanks guys. And yeah @stpete you can hang out here with me although you might want to sit upwind with mp

[mcc]

Pathetically related--why does FB scrub the EXIF data off pics? Why are they messing with my stalking skills??

[mcc]

Sept 18, 2014 20:40:51 GMT -5 @stpete said:

Sept 18, 2014 20:37:11 GMT -5 mcc said:

Pathetically related--why does FB scrub the EXIF data off pics? Why are they messing with my stalking skills??

And why can't I see more info on people who are not my friends?

Why will linkedin let people be anonymous when they view my profile? The best thing about that site is knowing who's looked me up.

I KNOW! Even premium users can't have a ban on anonymous creepers! After my last job, my boss and former co-workers would stalk me so I just blocked them all. They still do anonymously though I'm sure

[starburst604]

My deepest condolences to his latest prey. Like @myname said, you will be the one who ends up happy in the long run and he'll be on his 6th fiancé.

[mcc]

I feel better knowing that even if he's now clean, he's a vegan which means it never would have worked out. ha!

[Deleted]

Hugs mcc.  I'm sorry.  Even though shit is waaaay over, it always feels sorta shitty when they beat you in timing.  BUT, keep your head up and remember that a leopard never changes his spots.  

[mel]

Hugs! You totally deserve to be happy and although he found someone first, in the long run you will be the winner when you are happy and he's getting yet another divorce.

[glitzyglow]

Hugs to you mcc. It's a mindfuck to know that someone who caused so much pain gets to be happy. I totally get it.

[jigsy]

I know that it is maybe petty to want to "win" but I don't care, I hope I win too...and in a way, I am sure I will, and so will you. Even if N lands in a LTR before I do, I know he still has his issues that he isn't working on, while I am out here making myself awesome and shit. Pretty sure same goes for you mcc.

mp, if you are interested in getting set up, I can see what I can do. Set-ups either work out great, or are horrible, lol...or hell, if you want to go boy stalking, I'm your woman,  i could use another pitcher in my line-up.

[mcc]

Thanks jigsy, you articulated how I'm feeling very well.

[onedayatatime]

Hugs -- even though you have moved on, I totally get the feeling of wanting to "win". But as many have said - this doesn't really mean he has changed or worked on himself in anyway.

[cam13]

::hugs::

I found out recently that my XH is engaged too and it irked the hell out of me. Then I remembered that I'm awesome and he's not. I'm sure he'll end up divorced again and that makes me laugh...because I'm petty like that. I think you're awesome and that you rock the shit out of your life. (As a reader of your blog, I feel confident in saying that..lol)

[mcc]

Aww thanks cam13 and I appreciate you mentioning my blog. I get a lot of traffic from here so I'm always curious who's reading

[achase123]

Big HUGS.  I know what that feeling is like.  Of course you're in a better place but you deserve happiness before him, dammit.  And he actually doesn't deserve happiness at all! I get it.  Big hugs to you.

[1confused1]

Huge hugs!!!!

[btay]

((()))

[redredwine]

Ugh, I know that exact feeling. It blowsssssss.

Hugs mcc.

[Mrs.Rad888]

XH was living with his (now)W before I was even dating DH. They've been together for 10+ years, but just recently got married (9 years after having a kid). So, he may have been in a relationship before me, but he in no way won. Because he fucked up, and lost me. I, in turn, have been married to DH for just over 6 years. But, that's not what makes me the winner, and whether or not you are in a LTR is not what determines if you are the winner. It's better to be single than to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't appreciate what they have in you. As far as I'm concerned, XH and his W are both losers, because he is half of the couple. Well, and she's the other half, and she's no prize.

ETA: But, I totally get where you are coming from. I went dateless for 3+ years before DH and I got together, and when I'd see couples out and about, I'd wonder why they could find someone and I couldn't. I'd wonder if I needed to dumb myself down, if I needed to act less confident, if there was some "game" I wasn't getting. Of course, becoming someone that isn't true to you is never the answer, but when all of your relationships have ended, it's hard not to look at yourself as the common denominator.

[starburst604]

Sept 18, 2014 21:15:23 GMT -5 mcc said:

I feel better knowing that even if he's now clean, he's a vegan which means it never would have worked out. ha!

I found this out recently about a guy I was really into at one point. I was like ohhh yeah you're vegan, cool. Never would have worked!

[mcc]

Sept 19, 2014 6:42:24 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

Sept 18, 2014 21:15:23 GMT -5 mcc said:

I feel better knowing that even if he's now clean, he's a vegan which means it never would have worked out. ha!

I found this out recently about a guy I was really into at one point. I was like ohhh yeah you're vegan, cool. Never would have worked!

Hahaha, NEVER! (no offense to vegans). Also, he lost weight, which is good for him because he was obsessed with his weight (he called himself "manorexic" which was probably why he made some of the choices he did) but now his ears are sticking out further. It doesn't make me happy to be petty...ok maybe a little. 

[Deleted]

Sept 19, 2014 6:56:35 GMT -5 mcc said:

Sept 19, 2014 6:42:24 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

I found this out recently about a guy I was really into at one point. I was like ohhh yeah you're vegan, cool. Never would have worked!

Hahaha, NEVER! (no offense to vegans). Also, he lost weight, which is good for him because he was obsessed with his weight (he called himself "manorexic" which was probably why he made some of the choices he did) but now his ears are sticking out further. It doesn't make me happy to be petty...ok maybe a little. 

Lololol about the losing weight/ears sticking out thing. I recently saw a picture of my ex and thought the exact same thing! He was obsessive about working out/talking about it and I actually think he looks worse now. Of course I gained the weight he lost, so maybe I shouldn't judge lol.

Sorry you feel down. I am sure it will pass quickly since you know you aren't missing out!

[becwheat]

I am sorry about your mixed emotions. If it means anything I still think you will win the "war" on happiness. Not that I wish ill on anyone, but he sounds like someone who can't just be happy for the long haul... I mean, he will eventually get restless or messed up again.

[cuddlyevil]

Earlier this week I thought "stbx seems to be losing weight too, good for him." then I stopped myself and thought "Wait, no, he just bought clothes that actually fit him *giggle*".

mcc, you're totally winning right now--great job, great friends, and a good life on your own terms. He's still lost in his own delusional world.

[jojoandleo]

Sooo, this is in NO WAY similar, but I do get this feeling. I broke up with HSBF and then he moved on and ended up in a serious relationship with the first fucking girl he dated. Where as the first guy I dated cheated on me. AND I tried to get him back apparently while they were secretly dating. I felt so fucking pathetic and like I "lost." He even started working out and got a six pack (never had that with me!) while I gained 20 fucking pounds and had a muffin top.

Buuuuut, then time went on and he was with her and I was single and going out and having fun. I made these great friends, but still had OUR old friends (that's right, they chose ME, sucker). It took a WHILE to get there, but I did. And now, I have no idea about his love life. Granted, we have been apart for eight freaking years, so...

He DID tell my mom (because he was my parent spool boy for years after we broke up. Thanks mom. That's not awkward.) that he always thought we would get back together and end up married one day when I got engaged. Not going to lie, that felt a bit like winning...

Sooo, I think this is a normal feeling. Even though you KNOW he is NOT winning (I mean, Vegan? WHo wants to live a cheeseless life?), it feels like it. In the end, though, you will win. You will find someone totally amazing while he will probably end up divorced again.

[gozf]

You totally win mcc, because you are fucking fabulous!

[sherbanator]

I will sit in this post as well. Sorry you're feeling bad.

[riverpestie]

Sept 19, 2014 6:56:35 GMT -5 mcc said:

Sept 19, 2014 6:42:24 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

I found this out recently about a guy I was really into at one point. I was like ohhh yeah you're vegan, cool. Never would have worked!

Hahaha, NEVER! (no offense to vegans). Also, he lost weight, which is good for him because he was obsessed with his weight (he called himself "manorexic" which was probably why he made some of the choices he did) but now his ears are sticking out further. It doesn't make me happy to be petty...ok maybe a little. 

 starburst604 & mcc Just curious... why wouldn't it have worked? 

I am about 90% vegan at home and 100% vegetarian when I eat out. FI eats meatloaf on a weekly basis, pepperoni pizza, chicken etc as well as that parkay margarine crap, among other things I wouldn't even touch with a fork! The products (toothpaste, shampoo, soap, laundry detergent, shaving cream etc) he purchases are neither cruelty-free nor vegan, and they are bad for the environment. I would never in a million years buy the things he buys. W e are polar opposites in that respect. And... we're working out just fine.  

I would have hated for him to have nixed/judged me because of the choices I have made that are near and dear to my heart. How sad. 

I am not trying to be snarky, but you two are very much so regulars, and know I am not a snarky person. 

I am just trying to figure out the logistics, here. 
Maybe it is because I don't get on my soapbox and preach to him (or anyone else, for that matter) every time he eats meat or buys products that test on animal and you think they would? 

IMO, it is his money, his body and they are his choices. He's a grown man. He doesn't judge me for my choices and I don't judge him. 

[Deleted]

riverpestie I know this wasn't directed to me, but I'll answer. Cooking and food is a really important part of my life. Even living in PDX there are limited vegan options. I also don't want to hassle with two different meals for dinner, etc. I'm sure if I met someone and then found out they were vegan I wouldn't brush them off, but online I would.