I'll try to get some more of this answered. I had a beast of a post done and then my wonderfully shitty computer rebooted randomly and ate it.
I'll add more housing info. But again PDQ since its so unique and the interwebz doesn't lie. jillboston can you please delete the quote. I've DD'd that and will DD this in a bit too. Thank you!
** poof, freaky deaky shit dramz**
Vet tech work: My employee manual states that I can not moonlight at another facility and remain employed. I also can not solicit pet sitting to current clients. I'm guessing things get sticky once or twice and this is a CYA policy. It does not mention advertising elsewhere so this is a creative way around that. Great suggestion! I will also look into focus groups and smaller PT work to see what is out there.
My car kills us. I'm hesitant to let it go because its been the only reliable vehicle for the past 3yrs. When I purchased it my life was 100% different then - I lived across the country, LCOL, higher salary and 10+hrs OT while taking care of me and my dog. At that time I was paying more on it monthly. And now I'm here. I have to keep insurance on the financed vehicle but keeping it in storage is helping some. The other car does work (needs updated tabs) but is so-so to drive and he doesn't trust it. I've kept it in storage so I can easily take it out when he drives it to the shop w/ a lift. I am going to see if he can find a place to keep it on site and then dump the insurance. The only problem is if someone hits it parked while uninsured. We may find ourselves in more of a mess then.
Our VZW plans are shared. I called today asking about a switch. They have a cheaper plan but I'm thinking I can save more by cutting internet completely and using my phone as a hotspot w/ DH. I don't know what the hell he does but he always nearly goes over on data every month. If he can bite off of mine cancelling internet saves $70 and then I just took $20 off the phone today - $90 savings. The other plan they offered me was $135 but with less data for both so he couldn't take from mine and we would need the wifi for backup so not much additional savings. And TBH not having to pay Comcast 1 more freaking penny makes me very excited.
TKD - I will ask about a scholarship, reduced rate or even a student teaching opportunity at the school for SS. He may be able to pay his own way to class by teaching the younger kids and he would be excited about that. Otherwise its sadly going to be time to move on. SS1 just started soccer and its paid in full so he can finish it out and not play next season.
DH -- there is a lot he isn't entirely on board with. But to answer your question about us and jobs - yes, he could bike to and from work. Well yes and no. Part of his medical debt was d/t his ankle that currently only has 1 tendon holding it on. Seriously, its pretty bad. I know it sounds crazy but his leg will come out from under him without warning. He needs major surgery to correct it which we obviously can't afford. He may be able to pedal with a brace on. Would it be the best long term? Nope and it would scare the hell out of me honestly. It would probably be better for me to bike (not pregs) or ....Maybe a bus? But not sure how that would go with getting the boys from school. They are 30 min in the opposite direction of work/home. That's where some of our gas money comes in. I have an extra 40 min travel time daily on our weeks.
But anyway, DH. He always has to interject with something. We were talking about this today. I told him we need to cut internet and use phones. He was worried about data so I explained it to him. Then "what about on demand?" Who the hell cares dude?! What about it? You've used it 4 times. You'll live. I wanted antenna TV w/ Netflix, Hulu etc....I'm totally fine w/out on demand. 75% of what we watch is DVT'r anyway. Then I told him I want to check around for a cheaper phone plan. He's worried about service because he always has service when nobody else does. Ugh. My brain hurts.
Its very true, he's terrible with money. He used to pay his electric when he came home to no lights. Its much, much better now and he's open to change and making things better. Which is great, just frustrating sometimes. But as we speak he took in side work that will result in $600 cash this weekend and once that is done he's on to the next project. He also suggested a huge purge here to get rid of some of the crap we have laying around. If we can hold a yard sale before the weather starts turning that could easily bring another $300.
This will get sorted out. I know it will. I will make it happen! Its just frustrating sitting on close to $15 - 20k worth of things that aren't doing anything right now. DH just reminded me of 2 other "projects" today. He has a small boat with a motor he is almost finished rebuilding and another effing car! I forgot about them both!!! The other car has been in the garage for maybe 6yrs and we pay no insurance on it thank goodness. He's tweaking the engine and trans which only costs him his time and throwing on a coat of paint that was leftover from another job so just time as well. He can sell that for $3k easy, maybe $4k. And the boat will bring in a couple hundred.
You guys, its like its all just sitting there out of reach. Just freaking barely. And now its taunting me. I'm going to have him find me a respirator and start sanding that damn car and getting it prepped for paint on Sunday. I'm hoping to give you all a very positive update very soon!
I just wanted to say thanks for sticking around through the tough love. It sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders and i think you'll make it through this. It will be painful for a while, and getting your H to agree to everything will take effort, but you have the right attitude. Definitely keep us updated!
This is probably not the best time to look for a new job, but long term one or both of you need to bring in more money. You mention you would hate doing anything else - but is that realistic when you have a family to provide for? Sometimes we just have to suck it up and do a job because it pays for what we have to pay for. I would LOVE to be a vet tech but didn't go that route as a career because I know I'd always struggle financially. What does your H do? Is there any chance he could get a better job?
I feel like there are a lot of good quick fixes here, but you're going to struggle long term unless you can figure out a way to drastically reduce your ongoing expenses or earn more. I know that's easier said than done and millions of people are in the same boat as you, so I don't say that to criticize. I just think you may need to look beyond the immediate if you aren't comfortable living like this. It's unfortunately not going to get better just by cutting back on internet and selling one of the cars.
None of this is set in stone but one or both of us will be bringing in more next year. DH's family owned company (again the brothers) was sold just under 2 yrs ago and DH was the only person brought on. He's been going through the "proving himself" phase since then. DH is a welder/fabricator btw. He went to his boss for come to Jesus meeting since he lost every single one of his benefits with the new company. His boss gave him back vacation and health insurance along w/ half of the raise DH was seeking. Boss stated that if the business continued to thrive the other 1/2 would be his at the beginning of the year. Its not in writing, just good faith though so anything can happen. Otherwise he is maxed out for his line of work. He can get a little more working for smaller companies but would then have no health insurance.
Yes, my job pays shit. Always has and likely always will. The job seems realistic because I would likely need to incur more debt in student loans to learn a new career. I've been doing this since I was 17. I know nothing else. I will get a small bump in pay once I get my license ( I have the option of grandfathering in at the cost of $500 vs school for $20k). I've gotten half way through that now, just need the additional funds to pay for the testing.
My office also just went through a revamp of sorts. Our manger left and they are bringing in a new one. I applied for the job myself ($60k/yr starting would do us nice) but was never interviewed. I have suspicion on why and I'm looking down at that now but can't prove it....but getting back to things.
Over the last 3.5yrs I've taken on additional responsibilities and worked very closely w/ the owner and manager. I am currently working as an "acting manager" of sorts. The owner came to me about the position checking in and everything and said that he needs me blah, blah.....the new manager will be relying on me blah, blah and that he will be working on making an assistant manager position but not sure when that will come to fruition and wants me to know I'm wanted and needed long term. This would be my pay raise and allow me to continue working in the field. Unless this new guy completely tanks and fully relies on me I don't see this happening until after the baby is born. But its a much needed position and I will be not be letting them forget about it.
I just wanted to say thanks for sticking around through the tough love. It sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders and i think you'll make it through this. It will be painful for a while, and getting your H to agree to everything will take effort, but you have the right attitude. Definitely keep us updated!
Absolutely! I know things are a mess and I value your opinions. I have to send many thanks as well for all of you sticking around as well! I truly and greatly appreciate it. (heart)
Definitely sell everything and anything you do not absolutely need or have used in the last 1-2 years. A garage sale, craigslist, or e-bay. Apply everything you make from the sales on debt. Become frugal - really folks, you do not need 6 pairs of jeans, and 1/2 of what is in our closet --
You might consider an office manager position in a different office -or other office work in general and then add pet sitting/walking on the side for your "animal fix". Do not become the owner of multiple animals - with them comes the responsibility of feeding, care and medical bills -- as you well know. You cannot afford to take this on with your financial situation.
Track all spending and print it out. Show it to your DH -- in black and white - what comes in and what goes out. Ask for his input on where HE wants to cut and how he sees a path to become financially stable.
Post by IrishBelle on Sept 20, 2014 8:46:23 GMT -5
Between the house deal and the job deal, I think your DH really needs to start looking out for himself. I wouldn't count on anything until it actually happens. At this point, he could end up with nothing.
I wish you best of luck, but until you and your DH are willing to make some drastic changes, you aren't going to get yourself out of this situation.
Re: your husband's ankle, shouldn't he have insurance that would cover at least part of the surgery? What is his line of work? I'm concerned that waiting to do anything with his ankle could lead to him being unable to work or even more $$$ medical costs.
This is minor, but you mention something about cancelling internet and using Netflix/Hulu to watch TV instead of cable. You need internet for those. I'm not sure if you can somehow use your phone data to run those, but I'd then be afraid that you'd end up with overage data charges if you're already using most of the data you have and end up streaming a lot.
We don't have cable in my household and I'd call us pretty moderate/heavy internet users because we stream constantly and use it for surfing - neither of us play games online or do a ton of downloading usually. Last week my BF bought a new Playstation game and downloaded it, and we hit our 250GB monthly limit (I didn't even realize we had a limit..lol). I assume it was the download that pushed us over the edge, but we must not have been too far off to begin with, and that is primarily from streaming Netflix. Based on that - I'd be really nervous to count on 8GB for both internet use and streaming. You're probably going to go WAY, way over.
You have gotten a lot of criticism here, and you really have a great attitude, so kudos to you for that.
But the problem here is a lot bigger than money. It seems you guys need to not just organize your budget, but your life.
Figure out the housing arrangement. If you don't understand something, keep trying. Do not give up. Ask questions.
Read things before signing. Make sure you understand it.
Figure out your health insurance situation. Why won't insurance cover your husband's surgery? What other options are available right now to fix it? He's on the verge of becoming permanently disabled - stop waiting and figure out a solution, because the costs of addressing it now are going to be less than whatever ness is on your hands when he can't walk.
Look into public assistance. You might qualify for state health insurance programs, WIC, etc.
If the utility bill was really 100% their fault, fight harder, research your state laws, and call the state utility commission to lodge a complaint. And in case it wasn't, make sure that in the future, you read your mail and understand it. Get a handle on all these projects and finish them.
Make sure you really understand what your employers are promising.
Plan your projects better. Don't spend money on new projects when you don't have the time and money to finish them. Sure, maybe that $500 piece of junk can sell for $5000, but if you have to pay the $500 on a CC, and don't have the money for parts and time and willingness to fix it ASAP, it is a bad deal.
And you haven't discussed this yet, but given that I'm seeing a pattern, I'm going to bring it up. If you do not know all the ins and outs of the child support arrangement and custody arrangement, figure it out ASAP. It could be everything is 100% in accordance with that arrangement. It could be that you'll have an unfortunate surprise on your hands down the toad. Or it could be that you guys aren't getting a fair shake, and it's time to revisit.
It seems you guys are just trusting everyone else and giving up when you don't understand or are afraid of the answers. If you keep repeating this, it won't matter if your budget is balanced, because shit is going to keep blowing up. If you organize your life, the money part will be a lot easier.
Post by belovedbride07 on Sept 20, 2014 11:33:35 GMT -5
Thank you for sticking around and taking the tough love.
I wanted to bring this up about your job situation: I would absolutely not count on them making you an assistant manager. From your description, it sounds like you're doing the job now for the same pay; why would they pay you more when they're getting such a great deal? It sounds like you want to be loyal to your employer and I do think job satisfaction is important, but please remember to keep your best financial interest in mind. I would keep an eye out for other opportunities that might pay better.
Trying for #3; FET 8/18 -- BFN. Leaving things up to chance for now... After three years, three IVFs, and two FETs, we finally have our miracle babIES!
You need to get the childcare stuff organized right now. How long will people be willing to pitch in? Realistically, how much do you expect to pay? How are you going to pay for the baby - diapers, food?
Post by vanillacourage on Sept 20, 2014 13:18:28 GMT -5
Your DH and his family are a financial albatross around your neck that you might never be able to overcome. Totally harsh, but this isn't about switching to a cheaper phone plan. There is major, major dysfunction in how your DH processes his financial situation. You need to resolve that before anything will get better.
Your DH and his family are a financial albatross around your neck that you might never be able to overcome. Totally harsh, but this isn't about switching to a cheaper phone plan. There is major, major dysfunction in how your DH processes his financial situation. You need to resolve that before anything will get better.
Yep, yep, yep. You need to find a way to get your H totally on board with cleaning up this mess so that you can move forward with your lives.
Sorry for being MIA today. Lots of family(my side) things going on. So I'll try to chime in on some stuff but may still miss some of it.
So the minor Hulu, Netflix thing.....I mentioned that to DH a year ago when Comcast was still raping us. This was prior to the DirectTV-gate and all. This is not an option I feel is realistic now, before hand maybe.
No, I'm certainly not counting on the promotion. Thats why I mentioned a raise would only be for one of us. And after further clarification from DH his offer is written and not just in good faith. I can look into other job opportunities but being honest wouldn't know where to begin. I can't imagine being hired on as an office manger in a completely separate field when I can't get that position in one I've been working in for 14yrs. I hope you guys don't think I do this work to get an animal fix. Its rarely happy, play with puppies stuff. I do it because it matters and its important (devalued) work. But again being honest....making every other change is the direction I want to head before I turn in my stethascope. It may make me sound like a clueless, hardheaded ass and if you get that impression then I am sorry. I am who I am because of my job.
DH's ankle - yes, insurance will cover part of it. But its terrible insurance with a high deductible. He would also need approx 6wks recovery time and only gets 2 wks pto. We can't afford it because of the time off. Yes, he can be up shit creek and be in a much worse position later. I've voiced that more times than I can count. I'm 100% with you there.
We do not qualify for any public assistance. I've checked and quite often. We need to fix this in other, more permanent and correct ways.
Child support and custody - I suspect (know) we are getting the shaft. Its needed re evaluated for years. DH and his ex are too effing lazy to do it. If I could make it happen this would change yesterday. We have 50/50 custody, he pays child support (I took that number out of his bring home, but $200/mth) and we pay all extra curricular, school supplies and clothes. Ex gets state assistance on nearly everything.
DH family....its a bit dysfunctional. I love them and all but I don't get it. But its what they know and DH too for that matter. There is even crazier shit that happened and since then I have distanced myself some and at one point saw a counselor. DH went as well and had a different understanding of "real" and had more of an eye opening ah-ha moment. He didn't get it until then but is on the same page now. Thats only been since May and not something that can change overnight. Its getting there.
A friend of mine owns a Tae Kwon Do place and I know they've worked with families who were having a hard time and traded/bartered for the kids' classes. I know a mom who helped to clean on the weekends and her child received free/reduced classes for a short time while they were handling temporary unemployment. I don't know if this is normal, but maybe something to look into. From what I've seen, it seems like martial arts type people are invested in keeping children involved. I doesn't hurt to inquire about any options for lowering costs.
Verizon - we went back and forth over the costs (they are the only carrier that gets signal at our house and DDs school so we strongly preferred to stay with them). I accidentally stumbled on their prepaid plan. We have 3 iPhones with 1GB data each for $130 a month. Bonus - no taxes on our prepaid plan like we had with the post-pay one. If you only have 2 phones, you'd pay only $90/month. Definitely look into this.
If you're a vet tech, is there any chance (either immediately or in the future) of serving as an adjunct/instructor at a local training program? I have two friends who do this - one is a dental tech and the other is a massage therapist.
Good luck to you. I was pregnant with my own DD in a financial crisis situation and we pulled through. With some changes, you can be okay.
Post by Velvetshady on Sept 21, 2014 8:54:19 GMT -5
This is going to sound harsh, but you need to hear this--you don't seem to be having a financial crisis, you and your DH are choosing to live in perpetual financial crisis mode. This isn't one bad thing that happened or a short time of bad luck. This is a long term series of financially-unwise decisions you both have made. You, as a couple, need to make a decision to stop that and get control of your finances together. You both got yourselves into this and you need to get out of it together.
Set some financial priorities together, set some short term goals, mid-term goals, and long term goals together. Then set a plan to get there and both of you need to commit to following the plan.
I'm personally not a huge fan of Ramsey but that might be a good place for you to start. I'd also suggest getting Smart Couple Finish Rich by David Bach (from the library), both read it, and do the activities suggested in it.
This is going to sound harsh, but you need to hear this--you don't seem to be having a financial crisis, you and your DH are choosing to live in perpetual financial crisis mode. This isn't one bad thing that happened or a short time of bad luck. This is a long term series of financially-unwise decisions you both have made. You, as a couple, need to make a decision to stop that and get control of your finances together. You both got yourselves into this and you need to get out of it together.
Set some financial priorities together, set some short term goals, mid-term goals, and long term goals together. Then set a plan to get there and both of you need to commit to following the plan.
I'm personally not a huge fan of Ramsey but that might be a good place for you to start. I'd also suggest getting Smart Couple Finish Rich by David Bach (from the library), both read it, and do the activities suggested in it.
Very well said. In addition, it doesn't sound like your H realizes this is a crisis given his whining over the minor changes you've proposed.
And I could have missed it but I still haven't seen your plan for care for your new baby?
Others have given you lots of great suggestions. I wanted to just make sure that you know to look into CHIP for the baby. The cost may be more affordable and offer better coverage than your employer's insurance.