My parents are getting divorced

[ZoeHart]

I'm actually not surprised, but damn, I am not processing this well as I should be. I know they are unhappy and long term it's the best but I'm being selfish and thinking about how sad it's going to be on the holidays, etc. I feel like as adult I should not be sitting here crying about it but I'm sad. And my dad's birthday is next Sunday which is when we usually have family dinner and he already commented that there was no point in celebrating
This is rambly.

[mrsukyankee]

I get where you are coming from. My parents divorced when I was 30. It was painful even though it was a good thing in the long run. I cried so don't feel weird doing so - it's a change in what you expected for your future. Completely normal.

I think you should respect that your dad is feeling upset with this and may not want to celebrate but I'd keep the door open - let him know that you'll be making dinner and he's free to join you even if he doesn't' want a big celebration (make cake).

[mskitkat]

I'm sorry. My parents also divorced when I was an adult, and I struggled with the same sense of sadness/feeling like as an adult, I shouldn't be so sad. It's tough.

[greenmonster]

I'm sorry! Hugs to you and your family!

[ralphlauren]

I am sorry. I can imagine it being very difficult as an adult

[W.T.Faulkner]

I'm sorry. That's difficult at any age, even if it's for the best.

[dexteroni]

I'm so sorry. It's natural and totally ok to be sad though. My brother was in a marriage that wasn't good for him or his ex-wife (I still love both of them, they just shouldn't have been together), and I cried when they split up. I can imagine it's significantly more sad when it's your parents. The rewards will come later when you see how much happier they are on their own. ((((hugs))))

Your dad will be ok in time. I would never, ever have told my dad to "knock off the pity party," but I would let him know that we're getting on his birthday no matter how he's feeling. If he's sad, who better for him to be with than his daughter.  

[blueshirt2003]

Divorce is hard at any age. I'm sorry.

[bonnie]

Sept 21, 2014 12:55:13 GMT -5 @evelynrichards said:

The fun part is that they sometimes feel they can share inappropriate stuff because you're not a kid. Try to shut that shit down quick.

Ugh, yes! My parents divorced when I was 19 and my mom tried to do this. Shut that shit down immediately if it starts.

I'm sorry for your family. It's hard to go through something like this at any age.

[Deleted]

Aww I'm sorry. My parents divorced after 30 years and it was a complete shock to everyone, including me. They seemed like the "picture perfect" couple.

It's been about 5 years now and it's still a little bit of an adjustment and at times I selfishly don't like it and wish things were like they always were. But overall I've found a new normal and I'm glad both of my parents are happy.

My dad did make a few comments that I felt were a little inappropriate (for me to hear) in the beginning, but I knew it was because he was hurting. 

I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in your feelings. Hugs.

[awick14]

((Hugs)) divorce is hard at any age.

Get your dad to come over for dinner, he will enjoy himself.

[Deleted]

Sept 21, 2014 12:46:09 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

I am so sorry.
And, tell your dad to knock off the pity party and come over and celebrate. Jesus, that was a crappy remark.

Aww give the guy a break. It's hard adjusting to a new normal. 

[Saint Monica]

((hugs)) + what sue said

[Deleted]

Sept 21, 2014 12:56:26 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Sept 21, 2014 12:55:39 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

Jeez sue you are stone cold lol. I'd give dad a break on the comment. He's at the beginning of a divorce. He can have a little pity party.

Nah. I'd do it in a brisk and loving way; this is no way to start out. 
and yes, I can be pretty brisk. lol 

What? You're not allowed to be sad when you're getting a divorce? I mean obviously if it's a year later and he doesn't want to do anything at all, that would be concerning, but to make a remark about not being in the mood to celebrate is a totally normal way to feel. Especially in regards to an event that would typically involve a family celebration. 

[revolution]

Sept 21, 2014 13:01:48 GMT -5 bonnie said:

Sept 21, 2014 12:55:13 GMT -5 @evelynrichards said:

The fun part is that they sometimes feel they can share inappropriate stuff because you're not a kid. Try to shut that shit down quick.

Ugh, yes! My parents divorced when I was 19 and my mom tried to do this. Shut that shit down immediately if it starts.

I'm sorry for your family. It's hard to go through something like this at any age.

I'm so sorry. I was 28 when my mom left my dad and almost 30 when they divorced. It sucks. And I cried a lot. It's ok to cry. Your parents are divorcing and that sucks no matter what your age is.

And I agree with the above and to shut that shit down now. My mom did this, and still does to an extent even though my dad is now deceased.

[revolution]

If you live close to your dad, invite him over for his bday or take him to dinner.

[speckledfrog]

I'm sorry, Zoe. I was in my early twenties when my parents divorced. It wasn't a surprise, but it still hurt.

[kirra]

I'm sorry. It's fine to be sad and cry. Things will change, and change can be hard. Feelings are just that- feelings. They aren't thought out, or rational, and it's ok and healthy to feel whatever you feel. Just think before you say things, so your in the moment feelings don't make you say things you'll regret later.

[hamster]

My parents got divorced in my early 20s. It was for the best, but it was still hard because now I had to divide my time. I wanted to be a kid and get shuffled around with no say so I wasnt responsible for making it fair.

My dad was very angry about the whole things and said some things that had be seriously thinking about never talking to him again. Shut that kind of talk down, and absolutely don't be the messenger. It's not your job. If they have something to say, they can be adults and tell each other.

It does get easier with time, I promise.

[derp]

Why does he have to come over for birthday dinner? It's his fucking birthday. If he wants his space he can have it right now.

[Deleted]

It is tough no matter when it happens. I was 21 and my parents had been miserable for years. I wanted it to happen and was still bawling when I heard papers had been served. Hope you find some waybto celebrate with your dad; just remember you are not their therapist or responsible for their happiness.

[ZoeHart]

Thanks everyone, it's nice to have a place I can awkwardly talk about my feelings since I'm not going to bring it up randomly to people IRL.

[Deleted]

Sept 21, 2014 13:12:22 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Sept 21, 2014 13:05:46 GMT -5 @wandering said:

What? You're not allowed to be sad when you're getting a divorce? I mean obviously if it's a year later and he doesn't want to do anything at all, that would be concerning, but to make a remark about not being in the mood to celebrate is a totally normal way to feel. Especially in regards to an event that would typically involve a family celebration. 

NMS. I hate when people pull the 'no point in celebrating.......sigh' stuff. There is a point, and it's his bday, and this divorce is happening to the whole family.  Brisk, friendly, cheerful "aw dad, knock that off. We'll have a nice gtg with you on Sunday like always" isn't unkind. 

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. I'm the eternal optimist so it's generally not my style to "throw a pity party", but even I can recognize that it's not a crappy remark to feel like not celebrating in a time like this. Not everything needs a brisk and cheerful response. 

[ewall]

I'm sorry. It really does suck. I'm going through the same thing right now with my parents' divorce. I just keep telling myself that it won't be this raw and hurtful forever. Eventually there will be a new normal.

(I didn't acknowledge my dad's bday this year because he's being an ass. Oh well.)

[laddie]

Hugs for you, Zoe.

[kaybee85]

I'm sorry. My husband's parents had a really nasty divorce after he had moved out of the house (he was in college), and it was really painful for him, too. It's not only hard on little kids. This is still your family, and it is normal to mourn the loss of it as you know it, even if you know it is for the best in the long run.

[cville]

Sorry. Even if it's not unexpected, it's upsetting.

[RoxMonster]

I'm sorry, Zoe.

[isabel]

I'm really sorry. DH's parents are getting divorced and it's been really hard for him. You're never too old to be sad and upset about this situation. ((hugs))

[pittsmcgee]

I'm so sorry. My parents just got divorced a few years ago and it hurts more than you'd think as an adult, even when you see it coming.