Um, I'm still not sure what's so nutritionally deficient about veggie dip or what's so bad about being within 10 pounds of pre-pregnancy weight about 2 months out from giving birth. It seems like a dick move to comment on either of these things, even if you don't think it's abuse.
OP, I say this with kindness, but he shouldn't be talking to you like this at all. It's not ok if it's once in a blue moon. You know this. It's. Not. Ok.
The fact that he knows weight is something you care about makes it even more of a manipulative move on his part. He's being intentional.
For me, my H was being a jerk pretty regularly. I waited until we had a calm moment and I stayed calm and repeated what he had said to me and how disrespected I felt. I told him that he treats coworkers and cashiers at walmart nicer than me. He has really changed.
if you give him a chance, when he fails, you can feel no blame. It's on him. He chose not to respect you.
I wish my mom would say this to my dad. He's gotten better but he's so short with her. And she's so down on herself because of it (she freqeuntly refers to herself as stupid, dingbat, dense, slow, etc.).
Post by ilikedonuts on Sept 22, 2014 15:12:16 GMT -5
It doesn't matter if its not all the time. It still should never be happening. The incidents you have posted in the last however many months (3?) are enough to show that he's an asshole that doesn't respect you. He's controlling and thinks he runs the show.
He isn't trying to change. He doesn't care. Why do you want to continue to be belittled and degraded by someone? Why do you want to raise your kids in an environment where their dad treats their mom like that?
I haven't read through all the post so I might be missing things. I've had it out with my DH about some of the food related things he's said to me (I have serious food issues) so it run deep in my house. But he'd know if he said something like that to me he'd have veggies and dip in his hair.
So help me out guys. I plan on talking to him tonight. What would you say that would not put him on the defensive and shut down immediately? I want this to be a productive talk so that this doesn't happen again. So no name calling etc. Helpful input only please. I am not ready to give up. TIA
So help me out guys. I plan on talking to him tonight. What would you say that would not put him on the defensive and shut down immediately? I want this to be a productive talk so that this doesn't happen again. So no name calling etc. Helpful input only please. I am not ready to give up. TIA
I would ask him why he says those things? I'd ask him how does he think it makes me feel?
Then, I'd tell them that you expect that he doesn't treat you like that at all because there's no excuse for someone who is supposed to be your partner to tear you down. Lastly, I'd tell him you plan to go to counseling if there is another episode.
I would make sure to follow through on whatever you say.
Once I got serious, I gave my ex one more chance and then I was on the phone making an appointment with a counselor the following morning.