I don't understand even being on FB or any other social media if you're not going to post about your actual life.
But apparently I'm a FB oversharer, since someone reported a picture of my kid (that only showed her top half without a shirt) using the potty, which got taken down.
Post by irishbride2 on Sept 22, 2014 10:11:50 GMT -5
I will say I think it is important to help teens have an online presence, actually. In this day and age, people are googling everyone and you want to ensure that positive things pop up. We talk to our high schoolers about this all of the time and help them create an online presence in a positive way. Having no internet presence is considered a negative in this day and age. And god forbid one negative thing does get online, you don't want that to be the one thing that pops up.
I will say I think it is important to help teens have an online presence, actually. In this day and age, people are googling everyone and you want to ensure that positive things pop up. We talk to our high schoolers about this all of the time and help them create an online presence in a positive way. Having no internet presence is considered a negative in this day and age. And god forbid one negative thing does get online, you don't want that to be the one thing that pops up.
I would assume it's the difference between crafting your own narrative and letting your drunk friends do it for you lol
I also think parents who don't want their children of a reasonable age on social media are being incredibly foolish and shortsighted. For one, your kid probably has a FB account, okay? They're just hiding it from you. Secondly, it's a great way to interact and check in on your kids now and then. It's also a great way to slowly introduce common sense, appropriate boundaries, and situational awareness to your children. Because otherwise, they're going to graduate high school and launch themselves onto the internet and not know how the fuck to use social media.
Social media is no longer some thing you play with when you're bored or want to see if your high school boyfriend is still hot or a fat poser, but an integral part of society including the job market.
Oh yes yes YES on this. My (crazy) aunt had my cousin on LOCKDOWN--no social media of any kind, ever. My cousin just started college (she's 18). She friended me on FB and clearly either A) doesn't care or B) doesn't understand privacy settings. I have SO MANY pictures of her holding red and blue Solo cups on my page I've hidden her. At all stages of dress and partial undress. At parties. With comments, totally visible, from her friends about what I presume is their relative levels of drunken/highness, but they're in textspeak using such poor grammar and so many code words I can barely decipher them.
And they're visible to EVERYONE. On earth. Who has access to the internet.
I messaged my cousin about it just a quick little "Hey, looks like you're having as much fun in college as I did! Did you know those pictures are visible to [the fucking universe]?", but no response yet. And no stop of the onslaught.
I will say I think it is important to help teens have an online presence, actually. In this day and age, people are googling everyone and you want to ensure that positive things pop up. We talk to our high schoolers about this all of the time and help them create an online presence in a positive way. Having no internet presence is considered a negative in this day and age. And god forbid one negative thing does get online, you don't want that to be the one thing that pops up.
I would assume it's the difference between crafting your own narrative and letting your drunk friends do it for you lol
Exactly. I think shielding teens from any internet identity puts them at risk.
We work with them to find a way to highlight their successes and skills and make it be what shows up when they are googled. Also, if you all have not done it yet, set up a google alert for your child's name (if possible). If they are old enough, have them do it as well so they are aware of what is out there about them as it happens.
Yes, don't be the first to post someone else's newborn on Facebook. But this prohibition decreases the older the kid gets. The article doesn't even say how old this baby is.
I never post pics of other people's kids without asking. Maybe I'll be eating my words some day, I think this is a completely overblown fear. With the exception of my actual true circle if friends, I don't give a crap about people's kid pictures and I scroll past the majority of them without really looking. I'd assume most people do the same. Since my page is fairly private, I also don't think the random identity thief coming and getting the info they would need to steal their identity is very likely. Or maybe I just like posting pictures of my kids and I have too many other things to worry about instead.
That said, who posts a picture of someone else's newborn? Really.
I have done this. But, I was in the presence of the new mom and aunt who were both like "Tag me on IG."
Oh yes yes YES on this. My (crazy) aunt had my cousin on LOCKDOWN--no social media of any kind, ever. My cousin just started college (she's 18). She friended me on FB and clearly either A) doesn't care or B) doesn't understand privacy settings. I have SO MANY pictures of her holding red and blue Solo cups on my page I've hidden her. At all stages of dress and partial undress. At parties. With comments, totally visible, from her friends about what I presume is their relative levels of drunken/highness, but they're in textspeak using such poor grammar and so many code words I can barely decipher them.
And they're visible to EVERYONE. On earth. Who has access to the internet.
I messaged my cousin about it just a quick little "Hey, looks like you're having as much fun in college as I did! Did you know those pictures are visible to [the fucking universe]?", but no response yet. And no stop of the onslaught.
Dude, there has got to be some kind of middle ground between this and what my aunt lets my cousin do. He's 15 and has a huge online presence. He and his friends curse back and forth, vent every little adolescent thought that comes in their heads, trade hentai porn pics with each other, and interact with grown ass (gamer) adults as if they are all equal.
I do not get it.
I do get it with my aunt and uncle though. These fools are the same people who told me they can't get their kid to do his homework because he just wants to play video games. When I mentioned my kids don't play shit until their homework is done, my uncle said that he took my cousin's console once and the kid cried so hard he gave it back. So he just doesn't think that's a good punishment.
Post by StrawberryBlondie on Sept 22, 2014 10:32:04 GMT -5
I have pretty strict privacy settings so I share pictures all the time. I have a bunch of family that live abroad and have never met my kid. Its the easiest way to have them "meet" her. Plus, I think my kid is freaking adorable and others should see her cuteness.
That said. Occasionally certain family members who have public profiles will tag themselves in a picture I post. Not ones they are in. Like on my anniversary an aunt tagged herself in a wedding picture I posted. So I got a bunch of randoms commenting on it. I really don't like that. So I just untagged her. If she keeps it up I'm going to talk to her about it.
Oh yes yes YES on this. My (crazy) aunt had my cousin on LOCKDOWN--no social media of any kind, ever. My cousin just started college (she's 18). She friended me on FB and clearly either A) doesn't care or B) doesn't understand privacy settings. I have SO MANY pictures of her holding red and blue Solo cups on my page I've hidden her. At all stages of dress and partial undress. At parties. With comments, totally visible, from her friends about what I presume is their relative levels of drunken/highness, but they're in textspeak using such poor grammar and so many code words I can barely decipher them.
And they're visible to EVERYONE. On earth. Who has access to the internet.
I messaged my cousin about it just a quick little "Hey, looks like you're having as much fun in college as I did! Did you know those pictures are visible to [the fucking universe]?", but no response yet. And no stop of the onslaught.
Dude, there has got to be some kind of middle ground between this and what my aunt lets my cousin do. He's 15 and has a huge online presence. He and his friends curse back and forth, vent every little adolescent thought that comes in their heads, trade hentai porn pics with each other, and interact with grown ass (gamer) adults as if they are all equal.
I do not get it.
I do get it with my aunt and uncle though. These fools are the same people who told me they can't get their kid to do his homework because he just wants to play video games. When I mentioned my kids don't play shit until their homework is done, my uncle said that he took my cousin's console once and the kid cried so hard he gave it back. So he just doesn't think that's a good punishment.
Just. No. This was a 15 year old bawling his eyes out? Please tell me this was not a 15 year old but he was 8 or something at the time.
I wish my 11yr old WOULD cry because I snatched her dang Kindle and told her to do some homework. The Devil is a Lie.
He was eleven or twelve I think at the time which isn't much better.
But given the epic shitfit he threw over facebook when PSN shut down his account for a week for trolling, I can imagine he'd still cry rivers.
I didn't know they did that. Huh.
I can't remember the phrase he used. Basically, he was talking mad shit and they shut his ass down. Then he spent the whole week crying on FB about how unfair it was and how PSN should provide screen shots of what he was supposed to have said, etc and on and on and so forth. I cannot lie. I WAS ROLLING. That was the funniest shit I'd seen in some time. Some 14 year old (he recently had a birthday) c&ping his discussions with customer service, trying to be a snarky bastard while actually being a whiny little bitch.
The way he speaks to adults though, it makes me grateful I don't live near him because no. He's the child of my mother's youngest sister. My mom had her kids in her early twenties. My aunt had hers in her late 30s. I can only imagine him trying to talk to me like he's grown and like I don't have kids only a few years younger.
Post by downtoearth on Sept 22, 2014 10:57:51 GMT -5
I was just thinking this weekend how awesome it is to still be part of people's lives as they post on facebook. It's not everyday or every month even, but I love that we can share our lives and kids' lives by showing pictures to 100+ friends/family instantly.
However, I'm not on FB for random social connection really - my account is only for about 200 friends/family and only people who I would share pictures or Christmas cards (if I wasn't a Christmas card sending flunky) with anyway. However, I just joined a couple group pages (liked a high school reunion page and such, so I am off to make sure people can only see my profile pic on those).
I can't remember the phrase he used. Basically, he was talking mad shit and they shut his ass down. Then he spent the whole week crying on FB about how unfair it was and how PSN should provide screen shots of what he was supposed to have said, etc and on and on and so forth. I cannot lie. I WAS ROLLING. That was the funniest shit I'd seen in some time. Some 14 year old (he recently had a birthday) c&ping his discussions with customer service, trying to be a snarky bastard while actually being a whiny little bitch.
The way he speaks to adults though, it makes me grateful I don't live near him because no. He's the child of my mother's youngest sister. My mom had her kids in her early twenties. My aunt had hers in her late 30s. I can only imagine him trying to talk to me like he's grown and like I don't have kids only a few years younger.
I think that might be quite entertaining educational. For him.
Post by litebright on Sept 22, 2014 11:00:19 GMT -5
On a smaller scale, I do struggle with this somewhat. Not really with pictures, but with information about my kids, particularly DD1 who has ASD. There are other parents/groups I could connect with on FB, or experiences I'd kind of like to post about/talk about, or even just a whole lot of informative articles I think about sharing or commenting on related to vaccination, services for kids with SN, parenting issues, etc.
But she has ASD. It's not just about my experience as a parent, it's about the fact that the second that I start talking about this stuff online, people with whom we have not shared her dx are aware that she is autistic or at least has special needs. We've only chosen to share that on a need-to-know basis, and although I'm very open about it here and with, say, parents of classmates or activity leaders or coaches IRL, I'm a lot more circumspect on FB even though I have a much longer history with most of my FB friends even if most of them are no longer in my day to day life.
It's hard. I don't want to seem like I'm "hiding" the fact that she has ASD, but I want her to have agency over that information at some point. And if I'm very public about that information, she doesn't really get a choice on whether it's public or private. Some parents post a lot about such things, some post just enough that you could figure it out, others post nothing. It's a complicated decision to make.
I was just thinking this weekend how awesome it is to still be part of people's lives as they post on facebook. It's not everyday or every month even, but I love that we can share our lives and kids' lives by showing pictures to 100+ friends/family instantly.
However, I'm not on FB for random social connection really - my account is only for about 200 friends/family and only people who I would share pictures or Christmas cards (if I wasn't a Christmas card sending flunky) with anyway. However, I just joined a couple group pages (liked a high school reunion page and such, so I am off to make sure people can only see my profile pic on those).
I completely agree. I enjoy that Facebook has allowed me to stay in contact with people I would have lost touch with otherwise. I recently moved several states away from all of my family and friends. I have been making conscious effort to be more involved on Facebook both in posting and commenting on others' posts. I love that it make it so much easier to keep up with people you care about.
Post by cinnamoncox on Sept 22, 2014 11:09:01 GMT -5
I may share things I do, but not pics of it. Or pics of the event, not individuals. Like, so excited for xyz this weekend! But not a selfie to accompany the post. Or jeez work was busy today, but again, no selfie with it. Or, can't believe they're in such and such a grade already where does time go, but no pic.
I know many people who share the kids pics on Facebook and many who don't. I didn't realize it was a big deal. Personal preferences and all. And I know people who don't have kids who still have an interesting Facebook feed, so kid pics aren't required in order to have a point in being on Facebook.
On a smaller scale, I do struggle with this somewhat. Not really with pictures, but with information about my kids, particularly DD1 who has ASD. There are other parents/groups I could connect with on FB, or experiences I'd kind of like to post about/talk about, or even just a whole lot of informative articles I think about sharing or commenting on related to vaccination, services for kids with SN, parenting issues, etc.
But she has ASD. It's not just about my experience as a parent, it's about the fact that the second that I start talking about this stuff online, people with whom we have not shared her dx are aware that she is autistic or at least has special needs. We've only chosen to share that on a need-to-know basis, and although I'm very open about it here and with, say, parents of classmates or activity leaders or coaches IRL, I'm a lot more circumspect on FB even though I have a much longer history with most of my FB friends even if most of them are no longer in my day to day life.
It's hard. I don't want to seem like I'm "hiding" the fact that she has ASD, but I want her to have agency over that information at some point. And if I'm very public about that information, she doesn't really get a choice on whether it's public or private. Some parents post a lot about such things, some post just enough that you could figure it out, others post nothing. It's a complicated decision to make.
That is tough when you have a friend from another area who may be your FB friend, but wouldn't see you day to day and you don't want to "out" your kid's dx. I think you have it much tougher than us. I'll add that a friend from college has twins, one with diagnosed ASD and they are 5 or 6. I didn't know until she came to visit this last summer that one had an ASD dx and they are pictured on FB almost every week. Oddly, she thought it was "obvious," but she lives 6 states away and from FB I told her I had no idea.
On a smaller scale, I do struggle with this somewhat. Not really with pictures, but with information about my kids, particularly DD1 who has ASD. There are other parents/groups I could connect with on FB, or experiences I'd kind of like to post about/talk about, or even just a whole lot of informative articles I think about sharing or commenting on related to vaccination, services for kids with SN, parenting issues, etc.
But she has ASD. It's not just about my experience as a parent, it's about the fact that the second that I start talking about this stuff online, people with whom we have not shared her dx are aware that she is autistic or at least has special needs. We've only chosen to share that on a need-to-know basis, and although I'm very open about it here and with, say, parents of classmates or activity leaders or coaches IRL, I'm a lot more circumspect on FB even though I have a much longer history with most of my FB friends even if most of them are no longer in my day to day life.
It's hard. I don't want to seem like I'm "hiding" the fact that she has ASD, but I want her to have agency over that information at some point. And if I'm very public about that information, she doesn't really get a choice on whether it's public or private. Some parents post a lot about such things, some post just enough that you could figure it out, others post nothing. It's a complicated decision to make.
That is tough when you have a friend from another area who may be your FB friend, but wouldn't see you day to day and you don't want to "out" your kid's dx. I think you have it much tougher than us. I'll add that a friend from college has twins, one with diagnosed ASD and they are 5 or 6. I didn't know until she came to visit this last summer that one had an ASD dx and they are pictured on FB almost every week. Oddly, she thought it was "obvious," but she lives 6 states away and from FB I told her I had no idea.
Yeah, I've messaged one or two FB friends privately when they've posted about their kids' SN, mostly just to say 'hey, I get it, I'm in a similar boat, I just don't post about it'. And I like some things that other parents post. But I'm even a bit circumspect about that. I post pics all the time, but there's nothing you'd be able to tell from photos that say she's at all different.
Post by msmerymac on Sept 22, 2014 11:53:01 GMT -5
I'm undecided about posting photos of future children on FB. And I have friend who, before children/while pregnant, also voiced their concerns about it, but have gone on to post photos. Cool. Their choice. I don't begrudge anyone the personal choice to post photos and information about their children, as long as it's an informed choice and you use good sense (like don't post photos and information about your kid's diaper blow out - I've seen that happen).
BUT I KNOW that my dad's GF will totally post photos and names and information about my kids on FB, without asking, and even if I personally decide not to do so. I think if your sister or daughter or BFF is the kind of person who posts about diaper blowouts, you're safer if you choose to post your own photos of the kid. But jeez, just ask! Especially if the parent is a private person or isn't posting their own stuff.
I do get kind of weirded out when people post photos of their kid's entire preschool class, or basketball team, or random photos of kids (along with their kid) at events. That's the kind of thing where I'd probably never know someone was posting a photo of my kid unless I was friends on FB with every parent in my kid's class. And really, why shouldn't I, as a parent, have the choice of what goes online before my child has that ability? You can tell people that your child can't have a cupcake, or that she can't stay up and watch a movie, but not that you can't post photos of her online?
On a smaller scale, I do struggle with this somewhat. Not really with pictures, but with information about my kids, particularly DD1 who has ASD. There are other parents/groups I could connect with on FB, or experiences I'd kind of like to post about/talk about, or even just a whole lot of informative articles I think about sharing or commenting on related to vaccination, services for kids with SN, parenting issues, etc.
But she has ASD. It's not just about my experience as a parent, it's about the fact that the second that I start talking about this stuff online, people with whom we have not shared her dx are aware that she is autistic or at least has special needs. We've only chosen to share that on a need-to-know basis, and although I'm very open about it here and with, say, parents of classmates or activity leaders or coaches IRL, I'm a lot more circumspect on FB even though I have a much longer history with most of my FB friends even if most of them are no longer in my day to day life.
It's hard. I don't want to seem like I'm "hiding" the fact that she has ASD, but I want her to have agency over that information at some point. And if I'm very public about that information, she doesn't really get a choice on whether it's public or private. Some parents post a lot about such things, some post just enough that you could figure it out, others post nothing. It's a complicated decision to make.
YES.
i rarely discuss B's autism on FB. i think i've mentioned it once or twice ever and that was in the context of a fundraiser. i talk about it much more on here than i ever would on FB.
but that said, i'm not going to freak out over a picture of my kids on FB. hell, my sister and SIL posted baby pictures on FB before i announced. it's NBD to me although i get wanting to be the first one. but if you want to post about what great looking kids i make then be my guest.
Post by sunshine608 on Sept 22, 2014 12:02:59 GMT -5
I'm pretty active on FB but generally about news and current events or random tidbits from my day and carefully chosen stuff from work.
H and I made the decision that we would not have many of pictures on FB. We saw no reason to. We group me/chat family and close friends the snaps we take on a day to day. I uploaded one picture of DS's face as a way to let people know that I did have a baby ( although he was 3 months old at the time). All the other pictures don't show his face. I just prefer to keep somethings private but I do enjoy socialness of FB for some things.
I mean, what is folks doing that's so private and can't be shared? You went to a Super Bowl game you're not posting that or a pic because "privacy?" Really? Just stay off social media then. Why are you there?
Seriously. Was it a Super Bowl SEX PARTY?! Then settle down.
I don't post naked bath pics of my daughter, or other people's new babies. But beyond that, SETTLE DOWN.
Agreed. And I cannot understand the hullabaloo about posting a class picture of some random kids. No one knows it's your kid over there in the corner picking his nose and no one cares. They are looking for the kid they know, gushing appropriately, and moving on.
Also, don't bring your damned kid to my kid's birthday party and then be shocked that your child's picture ended up on FB. Do I really have to go through all the birthday pics that only grandma cares about lest someone see some random kids they don't care about?
It actually makes a little hostile.
Oooh but you should blur them! What exactly am I saving your child from? They have their clothes on. They're sober. They are wearing proper safety equipment if required. CALM YOUR TITS!
All of our faces are in some random person's photo album or shoe box from all the film photos that were taken of us at some point in time during our childhoods. Who knows. Ken Burns, III may even use them on a documentary of the "Reagan Years" someday and then our youthful likeness will be seen by millions!! Let's all freak out!!
All of our faces are in some random person's photo album or shoe box from all the film photos that were taken of us at some point in time during our childhoods. Who knows. Ken Burns, III may even use them on a documentary of the "Reagan Years" someday and then our youthful likeness will be seen by millions!! Let's all freak out!!
But that's not like the whole innnnnnnnnnnnnnnttttttttterneeeeeeeeeet!
You know, until that totally nice but totally boring dude gets a part on some BBC drama spawning entire message board threads discussing whether or not he is indeed hot. Then that picture of you two at prom is suddenly at the center of a glossy People magazine spread and terrible celeb/answers.com blurbs on FB.
Also, being a parent can be hard and sometimes joyless. Bragging and or complaining about kids on Facebook and getting instant satisfaction via a virtual thumbs up CAN BE THE ONLY JOY WE GET somedays!!!!
Here's what I know, if I am friends with you on Facebook and you don't share some cute halloween costume pics of your kids, I'm deleting you forever. You're dead to me. *spits on ground*