Post by browneyedhunni85 on Sept 22, 2014 17:09:59 GMT -5
How is everyone handling discipline? I feel like I'm being a failure in this department. C likes to throw tantrums when he doesn't get his way. We are about to eat dinner and he literally threw himself in the floor for a popsicle. I picked him up to explain that we were about to eat and he slapped me in the face. We do pop him on the butt but I feel like it's something I shouldn't be doing. Please, no judgment. I'm just looking for advice.
Post by imimahoney on Sept 22, 2014 17:12:52 GMT -5
We redirect and ignore whenever possible. When Ari throws himself on the floor I tell him that when he stops screaming/crying, etc then we can talk about it. H is impossible to deal with in the middle of a tantrum. He needs to calm down first. I try to ignore whenever possible.
Redirect or ignore for tantrums. He threw an epic one today over wanting water in a cup instead of a sippy and I just walked out of the room with the sippy. He followed me sniffling, but got on my lap and drank from his sippy nicely.
Most things, I like natural consequences. If he spills, he helps me clean up. If he throws toys, he gets a couple reminders that we only throw balls outside and then I remove the toy.
For hitting he gets a time out. No set time, he has to tell me when he's ready to apologize and be sweet again. His preschool teacher recommended sending him to his room until he can be pleasant but I'm not comfortable with that yet since his room is upstairs.
I remove her from the situation until she calms down. She sits in the sad sad step (they have a sad sad chair at school) after about 30 seconds, I talk her through calming down. "Take a deep breath, count to 4 (thanks Daniel tiger) and stop crying" when she calm, I get down and explain that she went to sad sad because she ______, and it's not nice to _____" That being said, A is crazy lately. When she throws a super tantrum, we ignore.
Post by honeybee503 on Sept 22, 2014 17:17:44 GMT -5
If she hits or bites it's an automatic timeout. I know a lot of people say not to, but I put her in her room. She stays in there for 2 minutes and then I talk to her about why what she did was wrong and ask her to say sorry.
If she's having a tantrum I try to just ignore it, but if it escalates I do what you do and get down to her level and explain why we can't do whatever she's mad about. I also try to distract her if she's having a tantrum about something unimportant, which is about 90% of all of them, Lol.
We basically ignore tantrums. B wanted peanut butter crackers instead of dinner the other night and laid down kicking and screaming. Once he was done we strapped him into a booster seat with a plate of food in front of him. After whining about peanut butter crackers for a few minutes and realizing that neither of us were going to do anything, he picked up his fork and started eating his food. For bad behavior like hitting or kicking in response to a "no" answer, he has to go sit in his room by himself - we don't close the door or anything, he just hates being by himself, so that's removes him from the situation until he's calmed down. To "get out" of his room he has to say sorry to the person who was hit or kicked, otherwise he goes back to his room.
Post by carawestt on Sept 22, 2014 17:25:03 GMT -5
For mean things like hitting, biting, etc. he gets a timeout, which is on the floor in his room for 2 minutes. For a tantrum, I usually just wait it out or try to distract him and get him to concentrate on that rather than whatever it was he got upset about. If it's a bad one, I sit him in his room to cool down.
And totally not judging, I just feel like you "popping" him on the butt for slapping you is a little confusing for him. His punishment for hitting is getting hit..
For mean things like hitting, biting, etc. he gets a timeout, which is on the floor in his room for 2 minutes. For a tantrum, I usually just wait it out or try to distract him and get him to concentrate on that rather than whatever it was he got upset about. If it's a bad one, I sit him in his room to cool down.
And totally not judging, I just feel like you "popping" him on the butt for slapping you is a little confusing for him. His punishment for hitting is getting hit..
Agree with all this. Also about the spanking for hitting. It doesn't make sense.
Trust me, there's MANY times I feel like spanking my kids. But it just doesn't set a good example, KWIM?
Our issues with the kids are mostly fighting/bickering. They both automatically get time outs (separately) if they fight. No matter who does what. Of course, if it's a blatant injury by someone then that kid gets in trouble (privileges removed, etc) but often they just niggle each other and I can't figure out who "started it".
My DS2 also gets natural consequences, like cleaning up a mess or helping fix something he's thrown down. He doesn't hit (yet?) but mostly throws things and goes all destructo when he's in that mood.
At this age I feel like it is difficult, they are too young to understand things like "later you won't get x because of y". But if it's instant stuff then it might work. Like earlier she was kicking Williams seat in the stroller and I said "stop that" and she ignored me, what a surprise. Not. So I said " we aren't stopping at the playground if you don't stop kicking" and she stopped. Then she said " this is a silly game mummy." Ummm not a game, it's just you doing what I tell you lol
Post by christidee on Sept 22, 2014 17:58:18 GMT -5
We do a combination of things. He will get a timeout for many offenses. If it is a tantrum we try to ignore them if they are bad. He responds well when we ask him, "are you done?" When he is throwing a tantrum. He usually says yes and snaps out if it. He just started hitting though, which is something we are trying to squash quickly.
The other day he pulled our dog's tail hard. He got yelled at and a time out and a very stern lecture. For us that is a big no no. We've got a big, powerful dog, and though we trust her and she is a sweetheart, every dog has its threshold.
After punishments we ask what he did wrong, explain why it was wrong, and try to teach the correct behavior. It took him forever to understand that he gave zoey an owie
Post by christidee on Sept 22, 2014 17:59:32 GMT -5
Oh, and it seems as if timeouts might not be working as effectively anymore. We are going to get a clear bin and start taking away favorite toys for a set time.
Hitting is a TO here too but I basically have to sit her in my lap to keep her from running away. No interaction for about a minute, facing away. When she calms down, we talk, but it can take a while.
Other things, I try to think if a natural consequence. Throwing off the high chair means the food takes a TO it dinner is done.
DD is usually pretty good about self-calming (knocks on wood) so when she is very naughty like that, it almost always means she's exhausted or hungry. Sometimes I'll give her a little cup of juice to try and raise the blood sugar if I think that will help, then talk about the "problem" a bit later.
Post by DesertMoon on Sept 22, 2014 18:10:49 GMT -5
Lately he's been having tantrums over food. When he does that he goes straight to his bedroom for a time out and time for him to cool down, then we talk to him and he comes back down and eats, if he won't eat he doesn't get a dessert, and I also take away the t.v and cartoons, which is like torture to him.
For tantrums I redirect and ignore depending on what it is. I guess I bribe too like tonight and most nights she does t sit at the table and eat. So she was hiding under her little table yelling No No. I ignored her until I sat down, then asked her if she wanted butter on her rice lol. It worked. She ate with us and was fine.
We do time outs for hitting but also for doing certain things where she just refuses to listen and yells at us. Like trying to climb onto the entertainment center. We put her in her room for time out. She usually cries for a min then comes out on her own.
Post by thedahliharpa on Sept 22, 2014 18:39:49 GMT -5
You need a system to follow, consistency, and to lower expectations in terms of what is developmentally appropriate.Hitting during a tantrum is not ok but that needs to be taught over and over and over. Dinner is a hard time for a lot of kids for a long time.
1-2-3 magic isn't exactly my cup of tea but it's easy to follow and in the long term will be much more effective than popping or whatever neck hair bristling term is used.