I just wanted to add another "I'm proud of you" for taking all the steps that were right and necessary. And ditto on being watchful at this point in time. The text is one thing, the candy for your daughter another. Both together would make me very nervous to be anywhere in his vicinity or have him anywhere in mine, especially after what happened Saturday.
Yesterday they met with him and got his side of the story. I'm not sure what it was other than it wasn't the same as mine (big surprise). They sent him home after on temporary suspension until they decide what to do- given the nature of our jobs they said they didn't want to risk him having access to stuff.
In the afternoon I spent two hours going minute by minute through every detail of what happened from my perspective. I'm feeling a lot more unsure of what will happen, but I do know they are just trying to do everything by the books. They said they hope to have a decision made by the end of the week.
I've basically gotten no work done this week, this whole thing sucks so much lol. The more I think about it, I just don't see how I can possibly keep working there if he is still there, so I'm trying to prepare myself that I might need to find another job. My mom says maybe I'll realize it's fine, but really, how could I keep working with him, not only working but supervising! After all this,
Also, I talked to a former coworker because I knew she'd been friendly with him and I wondered if she had ever gotten any uncomfortable vibes. She said that he used to take her and another coworker (both 24 year old females) out to lunch and pay for it, and then regularly came to their after-work soccer games (not a work-sponsored team or anything like that). She said they were never alone with him and he never did anything, but that still seems odd to me.
Anyhow, I guess right now it is wait and see mode. Thank you again for all your support!
I am really hoping for the best here (he leaves the company and leaves you alone) but it's probably good that you are mentally prepared for other scenarios. I absolutely think you did the right thing. Just stay on your toes. Good luck and thanks for updating.
You are a strong person for standing up for yourself and handling this professionally and personally. I am hoping and sending good vibes for the best outcome for you.
Although it's hard to know he's contradicting you, it's good that your company is following what seems to be a correct procedure (I am not in HR but I can't imagine a world where it wouldn't be correct to ask for his side of the story).
Based on my experience with a personnel issue last summer, this was the period where it did get worse before it got better. I did take people's advice to write everything down. I've actually not looked at it again since then, but I think it helped me a little bit to feel like it was out of my head.
Thanks for the advice. I did sit down and write out what I remembered, which I gave to them this morning. They are going to type up everything they wrote down from the meeting yesterday and send it to me to review to see if it accurately captures my perspective (and are doing the same for him). Then they are sending both reports to legal and I guess we see what they think.
I used to roll my eyes when I worked places that did mandatory harassment training, but now I feel like it's crazy for anywhere not to. Maybe if it had been emphasized what was/wasn't ok he wouldn't have done this? I just can't reconcile in my head how he thought this was something that was ok or that I wanted. Don't people normally flirt or date or something first even when they are going to cheat on their wife? Also, I keep being told that I need to understand cultural differences, by my boss and by my mother. I'm struggling with that. I guess they are just trying to make it feel better but it doesn't help lol.
Anyhow, continued thanks for the advice, support, and letting me brain dump.
Grabbing a co-worker's ass isn't "normal" in India either.
I haven't been around much this week, just wanted to add that I'm proud of you and you are doing great with this whole thing.
This.
I don't think I've commented on your post yet, OP. Mostly because hearing about this guys behavior has me insanely pissed off. But, I've been in offices in India.
Yeah, I was the westerner visiting the office, so I was treated differently than the local female staff, I'm sure. But, having seen the interaction between male and female staff at these companies, I would agree with the PP - this would not be normal behavior in India.
Yes, there are some cultural differences between India and the US, but they don't go that far. And, the dude is here in the US, working in a US office. He knows this isn't normal for here. His behavior showed that - targeting you only when you were alone and when your daughter wasn't watching, so there could be no witnesses. His behavior screams that it was planned, targeted, and deliberate. He should lose his job. If he doesn't, I would suggest you contact your own lawyer to see if you can take action against your employer. (I don't know if this is something that could be done, but I have to imagine that keeping a known assault risk on staff would open them to poisonous environment type lawsuits... or _something_ - hence the suggestion to look into it.)
And, go you for the amazing way you have handled this! I am totally impressed.
I'm glad he was suspended, and I hope they take this seriously. But the "cultural differences" part is a bunch of goddamn bullshit, and I hope you stress that to them (professionally, lol). They're suggesting that he would have no way of knowing that it's not ok to force yourself on a woman in the US? And that you should be ok with that? Bulllllllshit. But even if it were true, that's no reason for you to have to continue to be in what is now a horribly uncomfortable working environment. And if your employer doesn't fire him, I will be livid for you.
I'm sorry your mom is saying these things too. Good lord.
He knows this isn't normal for here. His behavior showed that - targeting you only when you were alone and when your daughter wasn't watching, so there could be no witnesses. His behavior screams that it was planned, targeted, and deliberate. He should lose his job.
I agree. There's no "I had no idea this wasn't ok" kind of thing going on here. These were not the actions of someone who doesn't know better.
Post by vanillacourage on Oct 1, 2014 11:27:20 GMT -5
I would strongly consider consulting your own attorney before you sign anything making your statement official or it being forwarded to legal as an official recounting of the events.
I would strongly consider consulting your own attorney before you sign anything making your statement official or it being forwarded to legal as an official recounting of the events.
This might be a dumb question, but what kind of attorney should I talk to? The lawyer I've been working with for divorce stuff is a property attorney, but maybe I could start with her for a referral?
Of course he is going to tell a different side of the incident, not like he is going to openly admit he was an ass grabbing POS. You know the truth, I bet your boss and HR know it, too.
I'm sad your Mom is trying to give him any benefit of the doubt with the culture excuse. Your boss is going to wind up in an HR nightmare if she believes actions like these are okay if you are from a different culture, WTH. You mentioned a DD and I believe you would give someone a piece of your mind if they ever tried to convince you it was okay since they weren't brought up to think otherwise.
I would strongly consider consulting your own attorney before you sign anything making your statement official or it being forwarded to legal as an official recounting of the events.
This might be a dumb question, but what kind of attorney should I talk to? The lawyer I've been working with for divorce stuff is a property attorney, but maybe I could start with her for a referral?
Post by sapphireblue on Oct 1, 2014 16:32:17 GMT -5
The fact that your boss is mentioning cultural differences makes me nervous about the outcome here. However, if they are sending it to the legal department I have to assume they'll handle it correctly.
I know a lot of Indian men because one of my best friends married a man from India and they have a very large group of friends. None of them have ever done anything remotely like this. I think it is insulting on about 100 different levels to even reference cultural differences!
Glad to hear though that so far it seems that your workplace is handling this well (aside from the comment).
I think it would be a good idea also to consult an employment law attorney.