I don't have much advice to offer. If your DH wants to do counseling, and wants you there, I'd try to be there. It could help each of you and both of you.
Post by kimibrighteyes on Sept 30, 2014 9:37:48 GMT -5
I am so sorry to hear this. I have been through times in my life like this when it feels like everything is going wrong. I think the therapist is a good idea. Also, I always find that paying attention to eating healthy, regular exercise makes a huge difference in my mood and attitude. Also, if finances are not an issue, outsourcing some things (like housecleaning) can also help
Oh Pom, I just saw your update. Hang in there and try to be kind to each other. Therapy is probably a great idea. It's so easy to punch at each other when you have SO MUCH going on, but it's so damaging.
Post by dexteroni on Sept 30, 2014 10:48:01 GMT -5
Oh Pom. When it rains, it pours. I hope your mom and stepdad's procedures are both minor and they're back to normal asap. I'm sorry about your friend's dad, but like you said, I'm glad his suffering is over. (((((hugs))))) Take care of yourself.
Hugs. When it rains, it pours, huh? That is an insane list of things to worry about all at once. I wish I had some magic solution for you, but hugs are all I've got. GL.
(((Pom))) There's nothing I can say to make it better, but if I could, I would be sitting beside you and holding your hand to get you through this. I hope you can find the time for a good curl up, cry and sleep.
Post by explorer2001 on Sept 30, 2014 12:05:01 GMT -5
Geez. I'm so sorry.
One thing that helped me was trying to accept that things are often out of my control. A phrase I often repeated was: Grant me the serentiy to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
You can't change your families' health. You can't change the progression of disease. You can't be in two places at once. You can change how you take care of yourself, your husband, your family...
It doesn't make it easy but it does make it easier to accept that there are things beyond your control and makes it easier to feel less responsible for not being able to be everything to everyone. Hugs
Post by jerseyjaybird on Sept 30, 2014 12:07:34 GMT -5
Damn, Pom. I wish I had more to offer than empathy and support.
If you're able, think about simplifying/outsourcing whatever you can right now---housecleaning, grocery/meal delivery, whatever. You're going to need extra rest.
When the shit seems to all hit the fan at once, I also think it can help to take a quick break from it: go to a movie with your H, take a spontaneous vacation day to a nearby city/site, something like that. You've got to play a long game here, and remember each other as more than the co-bearer of these burdens. Maybe this isn't appropriate right now, but at some point be sure to connect with yourself as more than a caretaker and with your H as a spouse.