We went out of town this past weekend and our usual dog sitter, who is a 20 y/o family friend, stayed at our apartment. We pay her $50/night to walk the dogs and feed them.
I got a phone call at 3:30am this morning that the girl apparently had a party while we were out of town and was drugged and raped at our apartment. The police came shortly thereafter with the crime scene unit. They searched our apartment and took a bunch of stuff as evidence.
I feel awful. She stayed there Saturday night and is just now reporting this. I'm sure a very small part of it is because she was scared to admit she had a party at our place. There was bloody tissue in the bathroom trash. I cannot imagine going through something like that and feeling too scared to say anything for 2 whole days.
And I know it is awful to say this, but I'm livid that she had people over to our apartment drinking. I know that is absolutely not the important thing here but I can't help but feel that she violated our trust. I have specifically talked to her on 2 occasions about not having *anyone* over, not even a friend, because one of my dogs is aggressive and we don't want to be responsible for the dog biting someone. I also see now that someone went through our medicine cabinet and moved my road bike. Who knows if someone took something and we don't even realize it. The dogs also peed several times in our apartment (which usually only happens when they are sick) so I'm wondering if she even walked them regularly. On top of that, we ended up changing our plans and coming back a day early but still paid her for an additional night.
I don't even know what to think about everything but I feel sick that this happened at all and that it was in our apartment. I want to take the mattress out to the dumpster because I don't see how anyone could sleep there again.
I am so incredibly sorry for her and your family. I've gone through something a little similar to this (from your perspective), and it took lots of therapy and time to heal. You are entitled to your feelings, please know that.
She definitely did violate your trust, but you're right, now isn't the time to be talking to her about that. If I were you, I just would never hire her again. I'd find a new pet sitter.
Post by orangeblossom on Sept 30, 2014 9:12:03 GMT -5
Oh my goodness that is horrible. It is at absolutely upsetting and sick-inducing that this happened to her, and I hope the people are found and brought to justice.
That said, please don't feel like you shouldn't feel bad that you're upset this happened in your house, when she was supposed to be watching it and your dogs. You can be pissed at the situation and upset for her at the same time.
I would see what else the police need to do, and then thoroughly look through the house to see, what if, anything is missing and report that ASAP.
Also, I don't blame you, and I would get a new mattress as well.
She definitely did violate your trust, but you're right, now isn't the time to be talking to her about that. If I were you, I just would never hire her again. I'd find a new pet sitter.
Wow, I think your feelings about everything are justified. Of course what happened is awful, but at the same time, your trust and your home were violated.
I agree with pp, I just wouldn't hire her again and I would probably get a new mattress too.
Oh God. I am so sorry for you and for her. I think what you are feeling is totally normal. Have you been able to speak with her? What an awful situation.
I think it's perfectly acceptable and understandable that you would at once feel incredibly sorry for what she went through, and also feel incandescently angry that she had a party at your house.
I... wow. Just wow. I am trying to think of what to even say. How horrible from every single angle.
Why did you get a call at 3:30am though if she waited two days to report it?
She apparently has been throwing up since then and finally told her mom what happened last night. Her mom took her to the hospital and that is when the police got involved. They pretty much came over here right after they left the hospital.
Oh God. I am so sorry for you and for her. I think what you are feeling is totally normal. Have you been able to speak with her? What an awful situation.
I have not. I know she was in the hospital all last night.
I talked to her mom a little while ago (because I just found a random towel in our washing machine and didn't know if I should call the police to come get it as evidence) and she said she's doing okay. I will probably wait a few days and then try to contact her.
OMG I'm so sorry. That is absolutely terrible in so many ways. Are your dogs acting okay?
They seem okay, but my one dog (the aggressive dog) has been panting a lot. She has so many health issues that it's hard to tell if she's acting like that because of something that happened.
Now I'm wondering if she just locked the dogs in our bedroom or something. There is no way my dog could be around people at a party, so I'm wondering what she did with her.
Post by laurensmomma on Sept 30, 2014 9:47:46 GMT -5
Wow, tragic situation. I feel sorry for the girl, but feel you have the right to be angry as well, since you were also violated, just in a different way. Agree with PP that now is not the time to bring anything up to her, but in due time, I would if that would help you get closure.
I hope you get everything sorted out quickly. I would be so unbelievably pissed at the situation and so sympathetic towards her. Dual emotions like this are a bitch always come with a side of guilt followed by a side of anger followed by a side of guilt etc. etc.
Wow. This is horrible all around. Like others said, you have every right to be mad as hell she violated your trust. Just probably not the time to say anything to her or her mom about it. I would hope she apologizes when she is feeling better.
Wow what a terrible situation all around. I agree with a PP that you are completely warranted to feel the way you are feeling, please don't minimize that.
Wow....that's awful. Ditto OPs, your feelings are completely reasonable.
I hope they nail the guy. I also hope she makes one hell of an apology and returns the money (when she's up to it).
I know! I have so many questions but it's not appropriate to ask right now. I wonder if she knew the person or if he was just some random guy. They took all of the bedding to check for DNA and I hope they find what they need.
Post by dexteroni on Sept 30, 2014 10:53:00 GMT -5
omg. I would be so unbelievably pissed. I would feel bad for what happened to her, but I'll be honest, I would have a hard time expressing only sympathy if I spoke to her right away. I would take a couple days to cool down and then call her.
In the meantime, I would take your dog to the vet in case someone abused him or slipped him drugs too. Poor pups.
omg. I would be so unbelievably pissed. I would feel bad for what happened to her, but I'll be honest, I would have a hard time expressing only sympathy if I spoke to her right away. I would take a couple days to cool down and then call her.
In the meantime, I would take your dog to the vet in case someone abused him or slipped him drugs too. Poor pups.
Yeah, I'm not sure when I am going to try to contact her and what I would even say. I want to tell her I'm sorry for what happened to her but I would have a hard time not expressing how unbelievably pissed I am. The apartment people are coming over this afternoon to change the locks. That probably isn't necessary but it would make me feel better.
I just found some medication that was in my bathroom medicine cabinet laying by the front door. I have specifically asked her to not go in our bedroom (mainly bc it is so messy and I'm embarrassed). Wtf? I feel like people were all in our stuff.
There was dried puke on the carpet that someone attempted to wipe up and then just left there. I assumed it was from my dog but her mom told me it was from her. I understand the gravity of the situation but could she not have just told me she had gotten sick and couldn't clean it up or something? She just left it there.
The last time she dog sat for us, someone had gone through all of my husband's video games and left his game console on. At the time, I honestly thought she had played them because she has 2 brothers and we told her she could help herself to anything here. But now I bet she has had other people over before. I feel like an idiot.
Post by emilyinchile on Sept 30, 2014 11:19:40 GMT -5
What an absolute nightmare for all of you. Obviously that's horrible for her, and I hope that she is physically ok and that she will get the support she needs to eventually be mentally healed as well. But I also feel so bad for you guys dealing with these feelings of violation and not knowing WTF went on in your own home. I would definitely consider taking the dogs to the vet to have them checked over if you think they might need it, and I'd do through your medicines and any other valuables over the next few days to see if you can find anything missing.
I had something similar happen to me when we were on vaca in Hawaii. (Not the rape of course). She was the daughter of a good friend of mine. She proceeded to post an invite on FB for the St Patty's Day party. I immediately contacted her telling her this was absolutely a bad idea. She ignored me. I contacted her mom and she blew me off saying it wasn't a big deal. At the time we had a unpredictable psycho aggressive adopted dog. I was on pins and needles not knowing what I was coming home to. It completely ruined my vacation. A few weeks later there were a few pics on FB. I was livid. I still am and it was 6 years ago. Thankfully everything in the house was ok. But it felt so violating to know perfect strangers were in my house when I wasn't there. I feel your pain. In your case, I hope the girl will be ok and they will prosecute the guy.
I tried to call the police station to get more information about what happened but they told me they can't tell me any details. I understand why, but still. I just want to know how many people were here, how long were they here, were they just drinking alcohol or were any other known illegal drugs involved. They told me I need to call the victim. Yeah, I'm going to call her and ask her those questions right now. He also asked me why I didn't talk to the police officer about all of this last night. Um, I had *no* idea what was going on and it was the middle of the night.
I don't know if I should file my own police report given that I can tell someone went through some of our stuff. I don't want to seem like I'm overreacting but I do want to cover all of my bases.
Our apartment complex is charging us $40 for new locks. I understand why they need to charge us this but it is just annoying. Today is my day off because I'm working 10 days in a row after this, and I have to stay home because the police might need to come back out here again.
Post by jennistarr1 on Sept 30, 2014 14:20:53 GMT -5
whoa...I hope I can come up with something more constructive but I'm just taken back...this is A LOT to handle...WHOA!!!!!!!
Okay, her having people over...yeah that was wrong of her, you can be mad about that for sure because she violated your trust, put your dogs and your possessions at risk. But being mad over it will be to no avail, something awful happened to the girl and I'm sure she's regretting every last detail of it all including having a party to begin with.
I wouldn't blame you for getting rid of the mattress and bedding, is there where it all went down? Maybe even just a professional clean of the place...
I agree with paying her...you kind of have no choice there, it's the supportive thing to do.