Good news/bad news/moral dilemma

[jennlin]

The mom I donate my milk too, her baby is soy/milk intolerant too. I am 50% of her milk intake. She gets 25% from one other donor, and 25 from expensive formula that still doesn't sit right with baby.

I tested ds with soy about a week ago, and he seems fine, which is GOOD. I'm so excited. But I worry about the poor baby. She's about 4 months I think.

So since things were good with soy, I wanted to test milk, too. So I went to Dairy Queen, and things are STILL good....so I think I can eat dairy and soy again...but I also think dq might be a fluke because..are there fillers in there? Has it been processed so much that the proteins have been removed? I don't know. I want to eat cheese again...but the poor baby.

Should I keep avoiding dairy for the baby? Mom said soy was a maybe, and mild, but for sure dairy. I already told her about the soy, and she said she will be testing her baby with my milk when she picks up again in 2 weeks. Dairy is not that difficult for me to avoid. I miss it, but it is not a struggle like soy was.

[mrslefty]

Personally I'd keep clear if dairy for the other baby but my guilt levels are extremely high so I'd feel responsible lol. Most other people wouldn't and I wouldn't judge you for it!

As an aside how do you pump that much? How often do you pump? How long? You're amazing!

[dana86]

yay for your food restrictions being lifted possibly! I would guess with dq that there is still a decent amount of the protein present but don't know for sure.
I think the only one who can decide if you want to avoid for the baby or not is you. Its your time and effort thats going into it. If you choose to stop I would maybe give the other mom a time frame in which you will stop avoiding and then let her decide what she wants to do.

[sarack]

First, you are a Godsend to that lady and baby who you're donating to. Second, yay, RO and KL can eat soy! Third, dq is delish.

Now, for the me part, i think you need to do what is best for your family. I have spent entirely too long caring about other people and how what I'm doing effects them, and even though I love to help people, as you do, you've got to do what is best for you. Yes, it is incredible that you've given so much so far, do you have any stash that she could have as a cushion? If you did hold out, I'd only do it until the baby is 6 mo or so. I know we started feeding our LOs at 4mo and they did fine.. Having the baby test it out would be great, and i'll be praying the baby does ok with it! I know K&O had issues with dairy but pretty much grew out if it between 4-6mo. Most of the dairy sensitivities are something babies will grow out of. I'd have her test it out and see how it goes.

having children is hard, no matter your situation. giving your body, your life, your time, your money, all your efforts, everything, takes everything out of us. i think that we all know that we'd do anything for our littles. you've done everything so far for yours. if you can't donate anymore, she will have to spend a little more, but you've got to feel good about what you've done this far, and not think about anything else.

it is a hard decision, and knowing you, you'll probably hold out and stay soy and dairy free to continue to donate, which is incredible. BUT, it's too much to keep up forever.

Know that you've done incredible and seriously have saved them so much (money, heart ache, suffering) by what you've done so far. i can't even imagine if some one donated milk to us.

[sarack]

btw, jennlin is a milk machine.

jenn- have you posted photos of the milk you've donated on here.. it's fuckingnuts. i'm not sure i ever had that much milk in my freezer altogether!

on a side note- we don't have any more breast milk, i don't think. i can't believe my littles are 1.

[jennlin]

Sept 30, 2014 13:05:19 GMT -5 mrslefty said:

Personally I'd keep clear if dairy for the other baby but my guilt levels are extremely high so I'd feel responsible lol. Most other people wouldn't and I wouldn't judge you for it!

As an aside how do you pump that much? How often do you pump? How long? You're amazing!

this is what i'm leaning toward, too...i have enough pumped milk for us that i won't need to freeze any until i think thursday, so the DQ will be mostly out of my system by then (for bjl, she would react for 2-3 days, but i was also her primary food source).

i pump for 20 mins 3x's a day at work (5x's a week) and get 30-40oz. bjl nurses all day on the weekends, but on weekdays, she's not interested in milk in any way shape or form...boy only takes about 10oz while i'm gone..so i freeze 20-30oz a day.

[jennlin]

this is the only donation shot i've ever taken. this is 52 bags, 416 oz. my total donated as of last thursday is 2,856oz.

[jennlin]

i actually do not have a stash of my own. i only keep 16oz for myself, just in case...i really do need to start my own stash, because boy is coming up on one year...i don't know how long i can get away with pumping at work. i pumped until 15mos with bjl and stopped due to supply issues. i'm only legally protected for 1 year.

[toratoratori]

OH MY GOD 30 OZ A DAY I LITERALLY CANT EVEN

[jennlin]

and yes, DQ is SO delicious..which is why i wanted to go there to test out the milk. i figured if they hadn't grown out of it, and i wasn't going to eat dairy for a long time, at least i got to eat something good while i was at it. i had a peanut buster parfait. YUM.

[ilovebed]

I know right Tori! I would pump maybe 6oz on a good day.

JL I I were in your shoes I would stay soy and dairy free until the baby is 6 months. That gives mom plenty of notice, gets baby to solid foods, and it's not such a huge hassle for you to refrain just for two more months.

[jennlin]

okay through some major fb stalking (sorry work), i just found out baby is about 6.5 months old, and i also found her birth mother, who lives in the marshall islands, is in touch with adoptive mom, and they share pictures. very sweet, but breaks my heart. birth mom writes "i miss you XX" and calls her by her birth name on every photo. i can't imagine the heartbreak. bless those birth moms that make such a selfless decision....

man how many times do i need to cry today.

[dana86]

that donation is amazing! you are awesome

[sarack]

Sept 30, 2014 13:23:25 GMT -5 toratoratori said:

OH MY GOD 30 OZ A DAY I LITERALLY CANT EVEN

two things- first, i fed two babies on my breasts all the time for 10mo+, i'm not sure i ever got 30oz in a day. i think my most was 28-29oz ever. one time i pumped like 15oz because i missed a session and i was full as shit, but seriously, she is a milk machine, like i said earlier.

almost 3k oz of gold... you should be rich because of that. and you are- in good vibes, good karma, and just goodness. feel fabulous about yourself lady. you are amazing.

i pushed enter with out the second thing. my cousin posted a meme about 'for the girls taht can't even'. i was so lost. is this a thing to say 'i can't even' without finishing what you can't even (imagine, believe, grasp, etc?)?

[jamer]

As someone else who is dairy/soy free please eat what you can! I'm dying over here and desperate for some cheese in my life

[jennlin]

Sept 30, 2014 14:27:51 GMT -5 jamer said:

As someone else who is dairy/soy free please eat what you can! I'm dying over here and desperate for some cheese in my life

i've been dairy free for so long, since bjl is dairy free as well...i can live...it's the chinese food i desperately needed back in my life.

i *think* what i've decided is that if baby is fine on soy, then i will continue dairy free until i stop pumping... maybe another 3-4 months. and then i'm going to eat all the clam chowder, spinach and artichoke dip, and blue cheese...mmmm...celebrate.

[mrslefty]

This makes me want to up my pumping...I thought it was good I have about 200oz in my freezer! And that's since July lol. I was getting about 5th per day but my supply is suddenly up and I'm getting about 8oz in one session (after he eats in the am)

[toratoratori]

Sept 30, 2014 14:17:25 GMT -5 sarack said:

Sept 30, 2014 13:23:25 GMT -5 toratoratori said:

OH MY GOD 30 OZ A DAY I LITERALLY CANT EVEN

i pushed enter with out the second thing. my cousin posted a meme about 'for the girls taht can't even'. i was so lost. is this a thing to say 'i can't even' without finishing what you can't even (imagine, believe, grasp, etc?)?

Yeah, it's a thing. My husband hates it. Every time I say it, he yells "FINISH YOUR SENTENCE!!" at me.

[shevacc]

You are doing a selfless amazing thing for that family and have already given so much. You've earned your soy/dairy if you want it. I pumped until G was 18 months old since she was under weight and I thought she could use the extra calories. I don't think I'd do it again -- it's just too much.

[7costanza]

You are doing a really amazing thing, but I personally hated pumping and would not feel bad at all about eating dairy and/or stopping pumping for the baby once your guy is a year.

[jennlin]

Sept 30, 2014 22:03:35 GMT -5 spunbutterfly said:

What you do is amazing. Donating is hard. I donated my milk stash after Thor was done with bottles at just past a year. It was really emotionally painful and I might have cried.

That said... I do not think you are under any obligation to continue keeping a clean diet for another baby. You totally can, but you're under no obligation to. You've been nominally dairy free for what? 3 years now? In the scheme of things another 8 months is a small amount of time, but... but... I think at some point if not having cheese is blocking your level of happiness, you should just eat the cheese. I'd eat the cheese. The day I could eat dairy again, I swear, the heavens opened up and cried tears of joy for me. You are also no longer covered after a year to pump, even though most work places don't really enforce that. I'd say eat the cheese the day R turns 1.

i've been dairy free for about 2.5 years. we didn't really notice the correlation in bjl until she was about 2 or 3 months...before, we just thought crying all day and LOTS of vomit was normal...first baby and all...people always said "spitting up is normal" or "it looks more than it actually is"....i feel super guilty it took so long for us to notice.

the milk/cheese is not affecting my overall happiness, disappointing, but didn't affect my well being...although the soy definitely was. cooking was a huge struggle for me, which resulted in eating-out, or eating-crap...and both of those also are high in soy, so my options have been low. i absolutely will never turn back for being soy-free. i had tofu cooked in soysauce last night. every single night has been better and better for me lately..eating good chinese food. it's amazing.