Do your moms or mothers in law know about your TTC? What do they think or say to you?
My mom is really supportive of us since its been over a year and we just started fertility testing. Since we found out we have some issues (high prolactin as of now) she tries to avoid most baby talk until I have more answers and is always so positive. I know she can't wait to be a grandma and will be thrilled when that finally happens.
My MIL is another story. Last time I saw her I felt like bonding so I mentioned how we had been trying for a baby for over a year and was getting kind of nervous. Her response was "well you haven't reallybeen trying THAT long" followed by a pause and then "are you sure you even wantkids"? She then went on a long tangent about how her first husband never wanted kids and she divorced him and blah blah blah but never once offered support or a kind word. She did not go through any infertility issues so I have no idea where this came from. Needless to say she is staying with us this weekend again and I will not be speaking about babies or TTC in the least.
My Mom and MIL both know. My MIL would never say anything or pry. She had trouble staying pregnant so I think she remembers how it feels to have people bugging her. My mom just says it will happen when it happens and that she can't wait to be a grandmother
Our families didn't know we were trying before, but we told them once we got pregnant. After our loss, everyone has been really supportive, so I'm really thankful for that.
I am weird and antisocial, I don't like anyone IRL to know anything about me for the most part. MIL knows nothing, I told my step mom about our troubles last year and she offered nice words but we don't talk about it.
My mom just found out Monday. Because she's ROTTEN and refuses to stfu. I had to see her shortly after my RE appt and out of the freaking blue asks "so are you PREGNANT??" and I just crumbled. And told her to eff off and mind her business because we're dealing with IF thankyouverymuch you insensitive asshole. (Clearly we have an *awesome* relationship...)
Ugh, that's an assy response from your MIL. Neither my mom or MIL know we are trying and I don't really want to share. They know we want kids someday though.
Post by EllenGriswold on Oct 8, 2014 10:42:39 GMT -5
My mom does not know about us TTC or about my mc this spring. I think she would be fine about it but it's just not a conversation I really want to have with her. I wanted to be able to announce a pregnancy and have it be a happy surprise, but now, considering things are taking a while, I prefer her not knowing so she doesn't expect an announcement all the time.
My MIL does know about our mc, but DH was the one who told her so I'm not exactly sure how much he shared (if we were trying, how long, etc.). I also made sure that he knew to tell her in no uncertain terms that I WAS NOT going to discuss it with her or anyone else so she hasn't brought it up.
Our families do not know we're TTCing #2. I think with all the trouble we went through with #1 (miscarriage, hospital bedrest, 2 month NICU stay, 5 surgeries, developmental delays) that no one expects us to even want a #2. But we do
We haven't told MIL we're TTC because MIL would blab to everyone she knows, and I don't want that. I did mention it to my mom, who often likes to give me "helpful hints" on how to get pregnant. I don't really like getting these helpful hints, but that's what she does.
My mom knows that we are TTC. She doesn't know about us starting fertility treatments yet, though. But this is the first cycle for that and I'm sure I'll tell her at some point. I should really talk to my sister about our infertility since she had to have an IUI to conceive my nephew. But my mom never really talks to me about us TTC. She took almost a year to get pregnant with my sister and a few years to get pregnant with me. Plus my sister went through the same kind of thing. She understands that it'll happen when it happens.
MIL knows were TTC. DH wants to tell her that were starting fertility treatments but she has a big mouth and I have a feeling that the whole family will end up knowing about it. Same reason why I don't want to announce a pregnancy to her until later. Especially since I would like to tell my own family first before they find out via facebook.
My mom and sister know just because I told them when I was briefly pregnant in March. They know enough to not ask about it. My siblings all have kids so my mom has 6 grandchildren so she's not pressing it.
My MIL knows nothing and will know nothing till I am 12 weeks. She told me once not to tell her till I am atleast 12 weeks so she doesn't have to "deal with it" if I have a miscarriage. We are close so I was hurt by that and have told her nada. I think she assumes we are trying but she has no details.
My Dad and Stepmom and my Sister know we are trying. I told them one weekend this summer when I was due to O and had to make alternate arrangements than staying in their one bedroom cottage for the long weekend. They were so confused since we always stay in the cottage with them and here we were towing a trailer up for the weekend. I really like my Dad and my Stepmom though so this is not a big deal. They also have my Stepsister's son to keep them occupied so while they are quietly excited for us, there's not too much pressure.
My Mom will not be told forever and ever and ever. She'll hate me for it but after listening to her whine and bitch and moan about not having grandchildren for the past, I don't know, 7 years, she can wait. She can wait forever. She gave me a turkey baster as a Christmas gift while loudly announcing that my husband wasn't doing it right and obviously I had to take matters into my own hands. This, in front of my Sister's new boyfriend. Ugh.
I don't really care if MIL knows. She's not really a baby person so she won't be excited or anything. She may actually know since I think DH told his Brother. She won't say anything or ask questions until we announce.
Post by rockinrobyn on Oct 8, 2014 12:16:47 GMT -5
After my m/c in March when we started trying again I told my mom. She doesn't push and knows how hard my m/c was on me. She knows that if something happens she will be one of the first people I tell.
MIL doesn't talk about kids to me at all. After our m/c in March she told H that it will happen when it happens. SIL is getting ready to give birth to baby #2 and no one has talked about it around me the entire pregnancy. A friend of mine asked MIL at a wedding if she was excited about baby #2, she brushed her off with a quick yes, but then said that she wished things would have worked out for H and I. So, I guess in her own way she cheering us on.
Post by callmehales on Oct 8, 2014 12:59:58 GMT -5
i refuse to tell my mom we're TTC. i know how she is, and she'd try and be supportive but i KNOW in the back of her mind she'd be wondering every month if this was "it". and a selfish part of me wants her to be completely surprised once we finally are PG.
my MIL and i have JUST started getting along in the last year and a half or so, and i know part of it is because she knows i'm her only real shot at grandkids (DH's brothers are 1. weird. and 2. kind of slutty). so i'm sure she's hoping for babies but she's thankfully never asked me about it.
My Mom will not be told forever and ever and ever. She'll hate me for it but after listening to her whine and bitch and moan about not having grandchildren for the past, I don't know, 7 years, she can wait. She can wait forever. She gave me a turkey baster as a Christmas gift while loudly announcing that my husband wasn't doing it right and obviously I had to take matters into my own hands. This, in front of my Sister's new boyfriend. Ugh.
I hope you told her where she can stick that turkey baster.
Oh this is minor in the grand scheme of things.
For our engagement gift, she gave us a honeymoon in Paris (appreciated) which she wrapped in lingerie so we could make babies on our honeymoon! This would have been fine if I didn't open it at a major family Christmas dinner in front of my Grandfather and if she wasn't chanting 'sex! sex! sex!' in the background.
At my shower with all of my friends, my first gift from her was a lovely handsewn voile baby dress and a handsewn pair of corduroy overalls and a plaid shirt that she had made for my future children.
My friends are pretty sure she is certifiable. Luckily about 4 months ago HER best friend gave her shit for going after me all the time about GRANDBABIES!!!
Did I mention that she now lives 7 minutes away? It used to be 30 but a new bridge opened up between our houses in September. I don't think I'll tell her until the kid is 8. What? This? Not my kid.
Wow, I'm sorry that so many of you ladies have had bad experiences with family knowing about your TTC activities.
My MIL and her ENTIRE FUCKING FAMILY know thanks to my SIL. Well, really thanks to H who told his father who told his sister who asked us about it at a family BBQ over lunch and everyone immediately stopped talking and turned and looked at us. I was pretty pissed at H for telling FIL since he cannot keep his fucking mouth shut about anything (clearly). So far FIL and SMIL haven't said anything about it, but SMIL definitely gives me a very long uterine stare down anytime we see them. MIL has been good so far, she doesn't really ask about it and she's the only family member who knows about my chemical pregnancy. The other night she was over and on the way out said something about her baby having babies which threw me so I responded "well we're trying!" None of my family knows and we plan to keep it that way. My dad and SM would be insufferable asking us about it every 10 minutes.
A few close friends know and they generally don't ask me about it unless I bring it up first. We didn't plan to tell anyone we were TTC but it's nice having the support when I want to talk about it. H is good, but he just really doesn't "get" it sometimes.
My mom knows now, after 3 losses. I've talked to her about the testing that we are going through before we try again. She is very understanding, she was also having a hard time through my losses because she also had a loss at 15 weeks and this is bringing back so many memories for her.
My MIL knows about our losses and that we have had some testing with no answers. From here on out she will not know about the rest of the testing. She didn't have any problems TTC and she doesn't "get" it that some people do. She thinks that I "must" be doing something wrong. So basically she doesn't need to know about anything else.
Post by HoneySpider on Oct 8, 2014 15:54:35 GMT -5
Since we had a late loss everyone knows we are TTC, now since it's been 1.5 years since the loss and I'm not pregnant again, it's obvious we're having trouble. Fortunately both sides of the family are supportive and not too invasive. I talk to my mom about everything but with this she sort of lets me guide the conversation, we really don't talk about it much unless I bring it up. MIL hasn't said too much to me, not sure if she's talked to DH. We've been dealing with a lot of others things recently so it hasn't been a focal point.
My mom, sister, step-mom & a few close friends know. Friends are ones who very recently had babies and mentioned that it'd be nice to be pregnant together (kind of annoying now, but at the time didn't bother me). My MIL does not know (she doesn't want to know). She doesn't care about grandchildren because they interfere with her party life style. She will be present but not a typical grandma.
My mom knows. There was no way I was going to be able to keep it from her. I think when we realized that things were taking a lot longer than expected she wasn't quite "getting it." I kind of flipped one day while we were out about having to pee on stupid things just to see if my body was working properly. She's been much better since, but I don't think she understands the sting when other people announce they're pregnant.
I haven't told my MIL, but I think she might have an inkling. She doesn't pry, but I accidentally let it slip that I had to go to the doctor, which turned into me telling her about the cysts on my one remaining ovary. I'm now on her prayer list because she says she knows that this could affect what DH and I would "like out of life." Meaning she knows we want kids. It's kind of sweet, I guess, but I usually just don't want to get into it with her.
Several of my friends and coworkers know that it's been well over a year and that I'm being monitored for my cyst issue and that I will likely be starting fertility testing in the near future.
MIL knows I'm on prenatals because she kept shoving coupons for multivitamins at me and I finally told her that I take PNV because they are free through insurance. I'm not sure if she put two and two together or if she thinks I'm doing that to save money since a vitamin is a vitamin.
My mom knows about TTC. When we got married she was always "I'm too young to be a grandma". Now, four years later, she has been hinting that she's ready. I got tired of it so I told her exactly when I went off the pill (March 2013). Now she keeps asking when we'll get tested and that she thinks it's an H issue.
I'm so Sorry about some of these responses you are getting from your moms or MILs.
My mom has known for a while. She is ultra supportive and went through 9 years of IF. I talk to her about the emotions surrounding TTC and m/c's all the time. My MIL didn't know until we told them I was pregnant before I had my m/c. So, we don't talk about it now, but I imagine she knows we are trying again.
My parents know, right down to when we have IUIs scheduled. Honestly I needed someone to talk to and my parents are very good at keeping their mouths shut. My mom doesn't understand having trouble conceiving but is very supportive. Only con with telling them is they won't be surprised when I do tell them, but they'll be super happy regardless. My brother is likely never having kids so whatever I produce will be their only grandchildren.
My in-laws don't have a clue. MIL has pretty much said we shouldn't have any more children, so she's on my "you'll know last" list. MIL also believes all children should be 4-6 years apart like hers were so has been anti-babies for several years - she thought DS was too young to have a sibling. Riiiiiight. How our spacing would affect her, I haven't a clue.
Post by tiptoetulips on Oct 8, 2014 21:26:44 GMT -5
Both of our families know. They have all been supportive. I'm glad we are In the open it would be so hard to hide it and we have lots of young children on both sides so there's some rawness there
neither of our families know--there is already so much pressure to have kids (I keep telling my FIL who is the worst of them that I will not have kids just to spite him) that I do not want them asking "what's wrong" "why isn't this happening" "have you seen a doctor" "try this" or "just relax." The thought of them all knowing that we are trying to get pregnant makes me cringe. Once we go to the RE and if we get some information that we might need to start some sort of treatments, then we can talk about telling our families, but until then, they can butt out.
I am pretty open about our TTC journey with friends, although it took me much longer to tell my mom. She doesn't really get details and tries to be supportive.
My MIL will never ever know. She has been asking for babies for 5 years. We are totally abnormal according to her, I'm the only person in the family over the age of 30 who doesn't have a 10 year old. She made some horrible comments about people who need fertility treatments so she will never know how our kids were conceived.
My MIL will never ever know. She has been asking for babies for 5 years. We are totally abnormal according to her, I'm the only person in the family over the age of 30 who doesn't have a 10 year old. She made some horrible comments about people who need fertility treatments so she will never know how our kids were conceived.
I will never understand why people are so opinionated and rude about this. Just because you had it easy doesn't mean that everyone does. It's so personal and awful and you have no idea what the person on the other side of the table is going through. I'm sorry she's so unsupportive.
Both my mom and MIL know. They pretty much found out when we had our first m/c over almost 2 years ago. They have both been supportive and not really intrusive. MIL had a really hard time TTC so I know she doesn't pry very much. Our family also knows that we are having a hard time conceiving. My BIL and his wife could never conceive and eventually adopted. They have been great to talk to and ask questions.
My mom knows. Since I have to maintain a lactose-free diet off the pill (curse you, endo!), my diet would have given it away anyway. Plus, it took my mom 2 years to conceive her first (me!), so she gets it.
My MiL, no way. She will find out at 12 weeks. Maybe. I am not even remotely interested in dealing with judgey commentary from her. Well before DH and I were even considering TTC, MiL told me that I have to give up coffee in preparation of having kids. When I said that I would probably keep drinking coffee, just less the same way my mom did, her answer was, "well! I guess Chinese moms love their children more."