NSOR: How to deal with a condescending professor?

[riverpestie]

For those of you who don't "know" me, I am non-confrontational (I have worked on it in the past with a therapist). I have been working pretty hard on talking more about my feelings and what's bothering me etc. 


I have this professor that is completely rude to students. She teaches this one class that had 27 students in it at the beginning of the semester and now there are 7. 
On the first day of class, she made a girl cry, basically making her feel as though she isn't fit for this program. 
She told another one of my friends that she should buy used books because the authors (she assigned all books that SHE wrote) don't get kick backs on used books. 

So, onto what I am dealing with...we each have weekly one-on-one meetings with her at a restaurant and she goes over whatever she wants to go over that day and when I meet with her, she reams into me every single time about how she doesn't understand how I could have passed the pre-req to this course. (I made a B+ in it, BTW), and the only reason she is saying that is because I did it without buying/reading her damn book that she uses every opportunity she can to tell me that she wrote it.

She also keeps bringing up things like, "Well, you must not have been paying very close attention that semester, since you are asking me this question. Maybe you should have paid more attention and you would know." And she doesn't give me the answer!

Every time I receive an email from her, I immediate go into panic mode and I hate that feeling. 

Yesterday, I receive an email from her that initially said she couldn't find the assignment I turned into her prior to the deadline, so I forwarded her the email and I CC'd myself. I guess after that she read it and her response to it was very rude. She said that it is ALL wrong and I need to do the entire thing over. BTW, the document that I sent her was 31 pages, and 2.6MBs.

I have a feeling that she gets off on pointing out everyone else's flaws, which is fine, but her approach is uncalled for. If I were to treat people the way she does, I would have been fired from my job long ago.

I have a feeling I will be meeting with her on Monday, again and I need to talk to her about how she is treating me. I can't take it anymore. I rarely cry and I called my Mom bawling yesterday after work, telling her that I don't want to deal with her anymore and I want to drop the class.
I am a people pleaser and very sensitive, and I get worked up easily if people are unhappy with me and I avoid confrontation at all costs. I really think I need to talk to her, because I can't keep doing this with her. I will have her next semester, too for the next phase of my thesis. 

Does anyone have any advice on how I can handle this situation when she brings up last semester again? I am tired of her bringing up old crap over and over again. I honestly want to cuss her out and walk out, but obviously I am not going to do that, although I'm doing it in my head!

My GPA is a 3.68 right now and after this semester I only have three classes left to take and I am done, so I really don't think dropping the class is the best idea. 
I am going to talk to the Director of the program and ask him if I can take a different professor for the next step, but in the meantime (for the next two months) I need to figure out a way to deal with her. 

[cuddlyevil]

I would talk to the director of the program and your advisor.

[riverpestie]

Oct 17, 2014 11:06:32 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

I would talk to the director of the program and your advisor.

Do you think I should do that before trying to work things out with her?

[stephreloaded]

I sometimes tend to be like you but you do need to speak up. Whenever she tells you something that you don't agree with, I would tell her that you would appreciate more constructive criticism.

I would still talk to your advisor even before talking to her as you may get some pointers on how to handle the situation.

[cuddlyevil]

I would talk to your advisor first, if only to get a decent battle plan together. They may have a good idea about how best to handle this professor.

[bullygirl979]

Oct 17, 2014 11:07:40 GMT -5 riverpestie said:

Oct 17, 2014 11:06:32 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

I would talk to the director of the program and your advisor.

Do you think I should do that before trying to work things out with her?

I don't know if I would go straight to the director, but i would go to your advisor. 

I hate to say it, but she sounds like a cunt who gets off on demeaning others. I get the sense that no one can EVER do anything right in her eyes, and I'm not sure that talking with her can change that. 

[riverpestie]

Oct 17, 2014 11:30:07 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

Oct 17, 2014 11:07:40 GMT -5 riverpestie said:

Do you think I should do that before trying to work things out with her?

I don't know if I would go straight to the director, but i would go to your advisor. 

I hate to say it, but she sounds like a cunt who gets off on demeaning others. I get the sense that no one can EVER do anything right in her eyes, and I'm not sure that talking with her can change that. 

Oh.my.gosh! You're reading my mind!!
Seriously, this is EXACTLY what my girlfriend and I have been saying. We feel as though there is nothing we can do right. My friend even says she sits lower than her in their one-on-one meetings, to make her feel superior! I, on the other hand, sit up as straight as possible! 

[mcc]

I would ask her flat out--what can I do to make you happy/get a good grade/do this right?

Chances are you can't make her happy or she doesn't know what to tell you. If she does, use her answer against her when you do it correctly. Follow up with emails so things are in writing. It shows that you're trying but that she has horrible expectations. I'd follow up with your advisor, using the answer or conversation with the above question as a starting off point depending on her answer or at least as proof that you're trying unsuccessfully and are beyond frustrated. I'm sorry.

[Deleted]

Yeah I had one of these in grad school. Unfortunately, I'm not sure there's a lot you can do. I would stand up for yourself and like mcc said, ask her directly what she is looking for and what will satisfy her. I'd also talk to your adviser. Try not to let this persons insecurity cause you insecurity.

[peppermint]

i agree with mcc - ask her directly what you need to do, and follow up with emails so things are in writing in case you need to elevate this.

it seems there is no pleasing this one - sorry you're in this position.

[riverpestie]

@stpete, the meetings are anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour. Depending on how many people she schedules that day.

She doesn't send an agenda, but she says that she's going to go over one thing, and she doesn't even look at it. She asks me to see something else.

We have "notebook checks" and last Monday's meeting was supposed to be all about my notebook, but instead she looked over my conceptual framework. She talked about it, she marked it up and I revised it. The following day, I sent it in with supporting documentation, my notes, and my opertionalisation table.

In addition to telling me the OT was ALL wrong, her comments on the revised Conceptual Framework were asking me all sorts of questions about what I put certain things, when SHE is the one that told me to put those things there and that everything needs to be done all over again.
I am getting no direction from her whatsoever and when I think I am getting some, that all changes when I get the work back.

[riverpestie]

Thanks, Everyone!
I appreciate the advice.

[gault]

I've had variations of this person in several courses as a working adult and as a student.

You've gotten excellent advice, but from my experience the one that will hold the most water with her might be some shanking from above. I'd inform your advisor with the intent on coming up with a game plan, not just to tell them for their information. Make it a goal-oriented meeting. And from now on be direct with the awesome professor. Don't let the moments pass you by, call her out on her shit (BREEZILY of course)

Good luck. I'm sorry. Classes are enough stress without a dick teacher on a power trip.

[onedayatatime]

I agree with mcc - try asking her directly what she wants.

Then, no matter what she says, I would talk with your advisor and ask for advice. They probably know she is like this already and may already know how to deal with her.

Good luck - it's hard to deal with authority figures on a power trip

[abcdefu]

riverpestie - I can totally relate to what you are going through. When I was in undergrad, I had this awful professor. I got up to use the bathroom and she embarrassed me in front of the whole class, saying that if I couldn't sit through her short class without going to the bathroom, there was something seriously wrong with me. After that incident I went to the student services and had my disability documented. I gave her the paper in the beginning of class and she immediately, in front of the whole class, asked a student by the door to switch seats with me because I was disabled and couldn't sit through a 90 minute class without interrupting. I immediately went to the dean of the department. She was fired for what she did to me. After that I wrote her a long nasty email stating that I couldn't believe he became a teacher with the way she treats people and that I prayed she would never have a child or family member with a disability so that they would never be treated that way by her.

Your professor is using her position of power to bully her students. If I were you, I would go to the dean of the department and report her. If she is treating other students this way maybe a bunch of you can go together, or write statements so the college knows what is going on. I'm really sorry you are going through this! ((hugs))