Post by greencrayon on Oct 18, 2014 19:12:19 GMT -5
I am missing deadlines. My house is a freaking hot mess. I'm not cooking so we are eating out so the time. I'm not getting my school work done. I am not exercising. DH and I are fighting all the time. I'm losing things. Help. What keeps you organized? Show me your mail sorting area or your kitchen or your bedrooms or your kids nursery or play room. How do you meal plan? How do you stay on top of everything? How often do you vacuum our dust or change the sheets?
Post by stealthmom on Oct 18, 2014 19:23:49 GMT -5
Oh hugs. I'm so sorry. You have so much on your plate. You need to prioritize. You CAN'T stay on top of EVERYTHING.
Is DH helping 50/50 or even more? Can you hire out some stuff?
The last thing I'd worry about if I were you is housework and clutter. Unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I do housework when I can. And that could be once every two weeks or once a week or whatever. Oh and I dust about once in never.
Sit down with DH and work out a schedule. Your status quo maybe have to change but you should be able to carve out small blocks in order to get some activity in. And if you can't seem to fit everything in, that is okay. Start small and work up to other things.
Honestly, for meal planning right now I'm making a lot of the same meals. It's easier and I don't have to think when I go shopping. Costco chickens are my best friend right now. Shopping happens on Fri. night. Gets it out of the way and I have the rest of the weekend to do whatever.
We clean 1-2 rooms each night & every Monday - Friday DH cleans bottles & pump parts, fills bottles for next day, loads the dishwasher when needed, makes all the meals (usually very simple - PB&J, cereal, reheating a meal, etc.). I make sure diaper bag and pump bag is packed, wipe down the kitchen counters, & unload the dishwasher as needed. DS also goes to bed every night by 7pm so we do this the hour after her goes to bed. We also work very similar schedules so DH is always around to chip in & do his part.
ETA: DH will also run errands on his lunch break like the grocery store & target. I will pay all the bills online as they come in...usually when I have a free minute at work.
Oh hugs. I'm so sorry. You have so much on your plate. You need to prioritize. You CAN'T stay on top of EVERYTHING.
Is DH helping 50/50 or even more? Can you hire out some stuff?
The last thing I'd worry about if I were you is housework and clutter. Unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I do housework when I can. And that could be once every two weeks or once a week or whatever. Oh and I dust about once in never.
Sit down with DH and work out a schedule. Your status quo maybe have to change but you should be able to carve out small blocks in order to get some activity in. And if you can't seem to fit everything in, that is okay. Start small and work up to other things.
Honestly, for meal planning right now I'm making a lot of the same meals. It's easier and I don't have to think when I go shopping. Costco chickens are my best friend right now. Shopping happens on Fri. night. Gets it out of the way and I have the rest of the weekend to do whatever.
Assume I'm a single parent. DH gets home around midnight for work, and is gone 6 nights (sometimes 7) nights a week. I pick up, I drop off, I clean, I do bedtime and baths and laundry, etc.
I don't know but I am very interested if anyone has suggestions. I am going through some of the same things though I have some husband and family help when it comes to DD.
I vacuum about 1 - 2x/week (no pets). We do have a cleaning service come about every 4 - 6 weeks but I try to wipe things down in the meantime.
I usually spend Sunday prepping a giant salad, but it takes so much time. If you have to do take out to survive, then that's what you have to do right now. Trader Joe's gets a lot of my money every week for their prepared and frozen foods.
Assume I'm a single parent. DH gets home around midnight for work, and is gone 6 nights (sometimes 7) nights a week. I pick up, I drop off, I clean, I do bedtime and baths and laundry, etc.
You need help! I would hire someone to do my cleaning. I would tell DH to help with laundry - he can at least throw a load in, in the morning and throw it in the dryer when he gets home. I would send out whatever I could to be dry cleaned if possible so I didn't have to iron his clothing. I would find easy crock pot meals or meals you can make on Sundays (or he can make) so you can reheat as needed during the week.
Post by stealthmom on Oct 18, 2014 19:32:39 GMT -5
Can you hire a mother's helper for the evenings? Or on the weekend so you can go exercise and go grocery shopping? Get a housecleaner? All of the above?
Exercise on your lunch break or before daycare pickup, after daycare dropoff? Take baby for a walk after dinner?
Family to help?
If DH isn't around, it is not reasonable to do it all. It's just not. No wonder you feel so overwhelmed.
When ds was that age i did not exercise other than going for a walk with him on the weekend. I did the bare minimum around the house, we vacuumed every week or two, and really just kept the kitchen tidied up as much as we could.
For meals i did easy stuff like pasta, rotisserie chicken, salad, sandwiches etc. i also tried to do crockpot meals that would feed us for a few days and when i cooked i cooked enough so that we had leftovers. Also doing prep on sundays helped.
Post by redpenmama on Oct 18, 2014 19:46:52 GMT -5
I could have written your post. Someone in our house has been sick for the last 3 weeks. DS has been so clingy that he goes nuts if I put him down. So, we are living in a disaster zone, and it is driving me nuts. I have no family around, and H is not exactly helpful. It is overwhelming at times.
At any rate, the only thing from your post that I have any advice on is meal planning. I have a Pinterest board full of recipes that we've tried and liked. I usually have a good stockpile of pantry items and meats in the freezer. So, when I plan every week, I first evaluate what I have on hand and design meals around that. I use the Pinterest board for inspiration if needed. I have a Google Doc that I print out every week and fill in each day's meal and the ingredients I need, and I build my grocery list based on that.
Post by crazycakes on Oct 18, 2014 19:49:01 GMT -5
My DH has a similar schedule to yours - he's a restaurant manager and I'm on my own most of time.
We hired a weekly housekeeper and a lawn service to take care of the mowing, trimming, etc. I do very little cleaning in between her visits. Just the kitchen, which I tidy up daily, and I'll run the vaccuum a couple of times (we have 4 pets, so the hair is crazy). I will cut back on a lot of other things before cutting the housekeeper. I would go nuts.
I plan out a week's worth of meals at a time, and make enough for leftovers. Mostly simple meals. Grilled chicken and veggies. Soup in the crock pot. Spaghetti. Tacos.
I don't really exercise other than doing active stuff with DD: playing at the park, walks around the neighborhood, stuff like that. I am lucky that my parents watch DD for a couple hours on Saturday so I can go horseback riding. That's my "me" time.
As far as staying organized, I put EVERYTHING on my Google calendar. Credit card due dates. Appointments. Trips. DH also uses Google calendar so I can include him when needed. I use the Tasks feature for my grocery lists and general to do lists. I have a Droid so everything syncs to my phone and I get reminders for everything. If it doesn't go on my calendar, it doesn't happen.
You have a lot going on! Go easy on yourself, I think anyone would feel overwhelmed.
For the house I just try to keep it without dirt where DS crawls. I often vacuum or load/ unload dishes while DS eats dinner- I've just started giving table foods for this meal. I make one big meal on Sundays which I use for lunches all week, I don't mind eating the same stuff everyday. And then this week t least I did shredded chicken in the crockpot and used it all week. Sheets once every two weeks except for DS which I do every few days. Mail I get once a week because really nothing important is coming. I was not really exercising until about 3 weeks ago when I realized I needed to make is a priority as it makes me feel, sleep, be better. So 4 nights a week when I put him down for bed I do 30 minutes make in the basement. It means my house is messier and my dinners are mean but it makes me feel so much better and less of a mess
Post by stacyb1983 on Oct 18, 2014 19:55:40 GMT -5
I feel like you just described my life.
((Awkward internet stranger hug))
I try to do easy dinners. Clean on Saturdays before we head out for the day. DH and I just agreed to have someone come clean once a week. I use my lunch hour to do personal stuff (ie tweeze my eyebrows, write thank you cards)
I would say make life as easy on your self, use paper plates, buy extra undies to stretch out laundry, let the house be messy.
Post by AlpineSlide on Oct 18, 2014 20:00:36 GMT -5
There's no way 1 person can do it all. so please cut yourself a lot of slack. Hugs!
I change the sheets every 2 weeks (or longer).
i do laundry after DS goes to bed and 1-2 loads at a time so I don't get buried doing it all one day.
I repeat the same 5 meals all the time taking a lot of help from the store (frozen meatballs, chicken or turkey burgers pre-made, frozen steam in the bag veggies, prepared salads, etc.) No creativity with meals, just basics.
DH does the financials and all of the bill paying. I keep track of appts. on a regular wall calendar that hangs in the kitchen.
Good luck! But please don't beat yourself up. Enjoy your kid, she won't care about dusty furniture.
Post by undecidedowl on Oct 18, 2014 20:04:17 GMT -5
It sounds like you just have way more on your plate than one person can handle. Hire out anything you can, and know that it's ok to just survive. Take out, messy house, and all.
Post by spaghetticat on Oct 18, 2014 20:04:27 GMT -5
I just want to say that I totally understand. I feel like every aspect of my life is half-assed and I don't know if mh realizes how much it takes to keep the household running while he's at work.
Anyway, tonight I made 5 mason jar salads for my lunches for the week and I also did the prep for DD's school lunches (she only goes 2 days). One day every six weeks or so, my FIL watches my kids while I make freezer crockpot meals.
Post by nancybotwin on Oct 18, 2014 20:32:14 GMT -5
I am in your boat - I work 60+ hours/week (and am working 2-3 nights each week) and DH is often not home until 10 or 11 at night. I feel ya, sister.
Here is what I have started to do, after having a huge meltdown about this situation --
1. We have a google calendar with EVERYTHING. I seriously calendar 30 minutes/day for lunch or I won't eat. It helps keep us organized, and keeps me on top of my work.
2. We have a housekeeper once/week. This is indispensable.
3. One night/week (I aim for Sunday or Monday) I do the laundry and declutter. I have to do it all on one night -- and I like to do it towards the beginning of the week so I feel organized. Stuff gets put away, if there is spot cleaning to do, mail gets organized, bills get paid etc. I do this after the kids go to bed.
4. Cooking is the one thing I have given up. DD is super picky and only likes a few things anyway, but I make lunch my big meal of the day and have PB&J or snacks for dinner. This is the one thing I am saddest about (that we don't have family dinner) but it is the one thing I simply can't do at this juncture.
5. DH and I are working on a date night once/week. I am currently trying to find a standing babysitter for Sunday nights because our marriage is having a rough time with our schedules.
6. I use delivery services (like google express or amazon) whenever I can.
It's tough, and I am constantly shifting and reevaluating things to try and make it work. Sometimes it's just about survival.....
I think first you need to take care of yourself. I think you sound overwhelmed (rightfully so). So take a break one night where you just do the bare minimum and go to bed early. Feed the kids, but everything else can wait a day. Breathe and then start working on a plan to get organized.
Meals need to be simple. Rotisserie chicken and frozen veggies and a bun, Soup and sandwiches, beans on toast.
Mail I open as it comes in and throw out all the envelopes/junk/fliers right away to keep down clutter and the rest goes in a to-do pile.
I SAH and I'll admit I only wash my floors 2 times a month (I have a roomba that does in between vacuuming)
I know lots of people have said that they housework isn't the most important, but while I HATE cleaning my house after working 50 hours a week - I find that my family and I are much happier when the house is clean and organized. Even waking up 15 minutes earlier to run the vacuum, wipe out the fridge, ordust the living room would make a big difference. Try to always load the dishwasher before going to bed, and unloading it in the morning. Wipe down the counts each night.
For clutter - sign up for paperless EVERYTHING! Sign up for bill pay or auto debit for all your bills. Keep a small file for all papers you have to keep and sort them into categories - medical bills, tax documents, insurance documents, etc.
For workouts - you just have to make the time. There is no magic solution. But this doesn't mean you have to go to the gym for an hour everyday. Try to go 2-3 times a week. Other days, put the baby in the stroller and go for a long walk at the fastest pace you can maintain. Buy wrist and ankle weights, and wear them when you are at home. Pop in a workout DVD while the baby is napping.
For meal plans - we make a meal plan every week. We plan around what is on sale. When my kids were that little, they have leftovers of what we had the previous night for dinner. So while I fed them their dinner, I was making dinner for DH and I for that night. I use a cockpit at least once a week, and Friday nights are leftover nights.
One of the best things I ever did to reclaim my life was to start saying NO to everybody's everything. I RSVP no to just about every baby shower, bridal shower, 31 party, kid bday party we get invited to. Honestly, it has changed our weekends, and gives us so much more family time. I felt bad at first, but I have gotten good at it, and it has been great for us.
Post by sunshine608 on Oct 18, 2014 22:12:28 GMT -5
I'm in a similar boat. H travels during the week and sometimes doesn't get home until Saturday so it all falls on me. I try and keep things simple. I cook the same rotation of meals and grocery shop Sunday mornings then cook for lunch and dinner M-w and portion it all out. The rest of the week is chicken breast Or salmon I can bake quickly when I get home.
I sort mail and pay bills first thing in the morning when I get to work or in my car. My work bag is my mail sorting area. I have enough pump parts and bottles so that I have to wash every other day. I toss everything in the dishwasher for the next evenings prep. Evening prep takes about 20 minutes to do bottles and pack.
My biggest way of staying On top of things if prepping as much I can on Sunday. I find that can get me until Tuesday or wednesday and then I'm in the home stretch for the weekend or till H gets back.
I clean for 10 minutes a night. Then I go to bed. It's easy to keep clean when h is gone. There is still clutter and i still misplace things so no tips there. I've misplaced every one of credit card and my cash at least once this week alone.
Life is messy when you've got a little one. I sort mail in the garage, after grabbing out of the mailbox on my way in, throwing junk mail immediately into the recycling bin and using the shredder that sits in my garage to shred credit card offers and the like. Only the mail worth keeping goes into the house where it gets put on the table for H to see. At the end of the evening I do a 10 minute declutter where I put everything back in it's place. The mail gets put in a basket where it will accumulate for a couple months. Then every couple months I pull out the mail worth saving (mortgage statements, health insurance information etc.) and file it away. What is left, including anything where statements can be found online, is shredded. My biggest sanity saver is having a place for everything and having things at the ready, like diapers. I stock the diaper drawers and put two rolls of toilet paper in each bathroom on Sunday when I do my major cleaning. I kind of like cleaning and will do it while H takes J on an outing. I could hire a cleaning lady, but I'd rather allocate that money for lunches out during the week since lunch is something that never comes together for me. Do what works for you, and cut yourself some slack. If dinner out works and fits in your budget do it. Things won't be like this forever.
Oh hugs. I'm so sorry. You have so much on your plate. You need to prioritize. You CAN'T stay on top of EVERYTHING.
Is DH helping 50/50 or even more? Can you hire out some stuff?
The last thing I'd worry about if I were you is housework and clutter. Unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I do housework when I can. And that could be once every two weeks or once a week or whatever. Oh and I dust about once in never.
Assume I'm a single parent. DH gets home around midnight for work, and is gone 6 nights (sometimes 7) nights a week. I pick up, I drop off, I clean, I do bedtime and baths and laundry, etc.
1 person can't do it all. My DH also works long hours. I outsource. I have a sitter so I can work, I would suggest you do the same for school work. I have someone come and clean my house every other week. The only things I do in-between is clean up the kitchen and do laundry. I prep meals (chopping veggies, etc.) either when DS is napping or after he's in bed for the night. That cuts down on cooking time when I actually have to make a meal. I use the slow cooker a lot, or I make big batches of stuff on the weekends when DH is around to entertain the kids while I cook. I also keep around lots of ingredients for "easy" meals- eggs to scramble, tofu to fry up in less than 10 minutes, frozen veggies to add to pasta, avocados to make a salad heartier/more filling, etc.
i go to the grocery store when DS is napping in the stroller and run other errands (post office, dry cleaners, etc) during this same time frame. I wear him in a carrier to do laundry.
i order a lot of stuff on line, too, to cut down on store trips, like diapers and drugstore items.
I feel you. I am the solo parent a lot and H is around I'd rather be doing something than scrubbing bathrooms. I'm also out of money for the "hire it all out" theory as well but have learned to put my money where it counts all the same.
These are things I do:
1) Who is it on here that always says "standards. Lower them?" (cookie maybe?). It's so so true. If it won't matter tomorrow, or a week from now it can wait. No one will know if I dusted the blinds. That said, I also can't half a$$ things. I do better at doing one thing perfectly rather than 34346 things half way. I'd rather wash, fold and put away all the laundry and skip floor mopping than half it with the swiffer and clothes on the bed. It's a trick I learned from my MIL (She had six kids and an acceptably clean house). The next night I do no laundry but do a great job on the floor. It's a better sense of accomplishment and things just look cleaner.
2) I also pick what's important to me and simplify it. I like real, solid healthy food for meals. I cook when I have the time but I am not afraid to use the prepared salads, premarinated chicken, fresh made pasta etc. out of the deli at our local grocery store. It costs more, but I also use it so it doesn't rot away, I save a ton of time, it's still healthier than a box and the kids think it's cool so they eat well.
I like clean floors but couldn't careless about kid junk around. So therefore I only pick up toys when it's mop day or time to vacuum. I also only clean what's dirty. I do my LR carpet 2xs a week probably, but I can't tell you the last time I did the MBR. No one sees it, we're never in there, it can't be that bad. I wash our sheets 1x every other week or so. I can't tell you the last time I did DDs. She sleeps on top of them anyways.
3) I have a teen girl come over every other week or so. She's cheaper than the other options and good enough for me to go for a run, shower in peace, do errands, read a book, whatever the hell I feel like. She will also willingly vacuum for me, do dishes etc.
4) I've also taught my kids that it's okay to leave me alone for five minutes. I never had that Mom guilt, "Must play all the time!" feeling with them. It's good for them to color while I unpack the dishwasher, dust or whatever. DD is now getting old enough she can help and she thinks it's fun. My 8 month old hangs on the floor while I do whatever a lot of afternoons.
5) As for clutter, I have baskets for stuff and put the baskets where I use them. No sense in keeping the bill basket in the office if the kitchen counter is where I sort it. Put it where you do it and it'll be easier. I keep a bag by the door for Goodwill stuff and drop it off on my lunch break when full. The amount of organization this has given me is astounding.
6) I autopay as much as I can or figure out if it's really worth having. If I can't find the time to pay it I probably don't need it in some cases.
7) Amazon. It's more pricey but I don't buy random sh*t at Target and I save 2 hours when the UPS man appears.
8) These seems counterproductive and H gets mad me but I stay up an hour later and watch a show or read. I NEED that time without someone hanging on me or needing something. I feel so much more rested and refreshed with it.
9). I take my me things where I can get them. I like high end makeup and fun shower products. I pretty much buy whatever I love and use it. I may not have time for a full face of makeup everyday, but I can use a great moisturizer and some ridiculously overpriced shampoo I love no problem. It's stuff I need to do anyways.
10) I exercise while the kids are playing. The treadmill is in the playroom. I can do an exercise video while play on the floor. Now that DD is 3, she does them with me and thinks it's hilarious.
Basically, take it where you can get it, decide what's important and let the rest go. You matter too. Nobody's life is perfect, nobody's house is clean, nobody has it all together. The internet just makes it seem like it.
Post by iheartbanjos on Oct 19, 2014 13:54:09 GMT -5
We are a busy family with 2 demanding careers and we have a weekly housekeeper (she does the girls' laundry every other week), a weekly lawn service, a handyman that works 10-40 hours a month for us, depending on projects, and we have an arsenal of baby sitters so that we can have a date nights 2x month. It takes a village, lol.
I will say that during the week and I am never awake and not doing something. I don't get to sit and unwind, and can't name a single TV show that is on the air right now. By the time the kids are in bed, the kitchen is clean, and laundry is done, it's time for bed.
If it ever got to be too much, I would cut back on DD1's activities (she has 6:30pm swimming lessons 2x week and 6pm soccer 1x with games on Saturdays.) For now, we're making it work. DD2 is 14 months, so it may get harder before it gets easier, but we're taking it a week at a time.
I can't stress enough the important of contracting out as much as possible. It's worth it to your sanity and your marriage. Hang in there, momma.
Post by leonard131 on Oct 19, 2014 14:26:40 GMT -5
Everyone has had good suggestions. You just can't do it all. Out source, out source, out source and a schedule. That is how we do it. Everything gets ordered online, we have a cleaning service every other week and I have a schedule of when I vacuum and do laundry. I keep Lysol wipes in the bathrooms and wipe down the sink and quick swipe of the shower after I am down getting ready. I just wipe down the kitchen after dinner. We have been known to use paper plates some times. We have very low standards of what is considered dinner. Think PBJ.
Can you hire someone to come help with the baby for few hours a week to do school work? Also are you not happy about eating out because of the cost? If you don't mind the cost what about a meal prep service that can provide a certain amount of meals a week?
Try making yourself a schedule of your day. Allot 50% more time for each task than you think it will take. If you get done early, great. I think most people are overly optimistic on how long things take.
You may find when you're scheduling that you need to cut out a lot of things or see where you need to hire help.
If you can cut back even a little on eating out, you'll probably easily find the money for a housekeeper once or twice a month.
We keep convenience meals in the house instead of eating out too--sandwich stuff, Mac and cheese, etc. you'll learn how much fresh stuff you can keep and not spoil after a little trial and error.
Maybe try making meals that make good leftovers, or stuff you can make ahead. Stew is really easy--10 minutes of prep as we use frozen veggies and lasts a couple of meals, lasagna or enchiladas you can make a pan and cook later, lasts a couple of meals.
And don't feel bad if you're still eating out some--maybe your goal should just be cutting that in half, etc.
As for housework, keep the counters wiped and everyone in clean clothes and dishes and that's the most of what you need to do. If every week or two you can wipe the bathroom down, vacuum main areas (like kitchen and playroom), change sheets--you're fine. And again a housekeeper can help.
Even if your husband is working long hours, ask him to grab a few simple tasks--throw towels in wash on Friday, 10 minutes of dishes when he gets home--whatever.
As to the mail, sort it as you're walking in the house. Toss stuff in the recycling bin before you even come inside. Keep a shred bin by the door. Only important stuff will ever make it to the mail pile.
As far as cleaning, I have a weekly schedule where I tackle just a couple/few things every day. For example, Mondays are days to wipe down the bathrooms. Vacuum M/W/Sat. Clean the kitchen floor T/Th. I also have a monthly schedule where I have something every 5th day (eg, dust on the 5th, wipe the fronts of the cabinets on the 10th, etc). Both weekly and monthly are set up so that 1) they don't take more than maybe 15 minutes and 2) it's not the end of the world if I miss it the one day and make it up the next.
As you can see, I don't stay on top of everything. Sometimes things fall through the cracks. Dust was getting out of control until one day I couldn't stand it any more. Vacuuming doesn't always happen. And that's OK.
Meal planning is hit or miss at my house. If I have a chunk of time I'll do a big batch of stuff on a weekend. Is there someone you can come over to help with your LO for a few hours while you cook? We have a teenager come over once a month for an entire day while we get crap done around the house. Can you outsource some things?
Post by teatimefor2 on Oct 19, 2014 18:55:02 GMT -5
I solo parent a lot and it's hard.
Honestly, my standard have slipped and I'm okay with that. I'm pregnant with a two year old and no local help.
I sort the mail with DA during lunch. He loves the mail. Anything that is junk going out immediately and I do as much as possible paperless.
I do wash during the week and do bedding once a fortnight and towels every four days roughly.
I sweep all the damn time and give myself 30 minutes after DS is in bed to do whatever needs doing. Cleaning, paying bills, etc. After the 30 minutes is up, I'm done unless it's a bill that needs to be paid tomorrow.
Post by jeaniebueller on Oct 19, 2014 19:27:31 GMT -5
You have gotten a lot of good advice. I don't stress about the house. I keep the dishes done, bathrooms clean, floor vacuumed, but deep cleaning either gets done sporadically or not at all. I figure that when my kids are older, I can clean all I want. They are only little once, you know? I do laundry on the weekends and grocery shop on the weekends. On Saturdaus, I often make a crock pot meal, so I can put it together in the morning and if we are running around doing family time all day, we come home to dinner ready. Plus, there are usually leftovers. Our kids go to bed by 8pm and that is a saving grace for us to get things done and a little bit of me time. We eat a lot of simple meals and sometimes just sandwiches or breakfast. I run one night a week and on the weekends. Occasionally I do a lunch hour workout.
I feel you, I so feel you. It's been really hard around out house for the last year. I feel like I never get to sit down. There is always something to be done, cleaning, dishes, laundry, etc. I get really resentful at my H when I look at him sprawled out on the couch at the end of the day while I'm bustling around putting things away, cleaning, etc. We've had a few come to Jesus moments about it, actually.
It's small, but I'm a big fan of an audio book and the NPR new app. It lets me "keep up" with current events while also keeping my hands moving. It's something small, but can at least make the time mor enjoyable!