S/O wedding planning: what about those guests you're not

[tacom]

quite sure about?

Specifically, I have four second cousins who I was very close to growing up; I'd spend weeks at their house during the summer. We now live in the same city but we've just drifted over the years. I see them about once a year for family stuff (xmas eve, reunion, etc) and enjoy their company when we do get together but none of us really make an effort. I asked my mom and aunt, and their votes were split.

basically, for the guests you were on the fence about, which way did you end up going? did you ultimately regret your decision to include these guests? anyone regret not inviting them?

I'm currently filling out save the dates so this is somewhat time sensitive  

[nomad100]

We invited them. We weren't close to our max for the space or our budget so figured the more the merrier.

Though for us these weren't family members but friends of the family. And most of them came and it was so nice to see them.

[dragonfly08]

We hit our limit and still had people who, at the time, we'd have liked to include, so obviously anyone we were just on the fence about didn't make the guest list. Thirteen years later I have no regrets about who we did/did not invite...if anything I'd even have been ok with cutting the list more and having had a smaller wedding (and ours was only about 160 invited/125 attended, so not overly large to begin with).

[rubytue]

The folks we were on the fence about were mostly extended family that "had" to be invited, and I don't think any came. Wait, H just corrected me and his uncle did come, but without wife and kids. No real regrets.

If you are on the fence, especially if they are local, you could skip the save the dates and defer the decision to a later time.

[konapoppy]

We had an OOT wedding, so most of our budget was spent in activities and meals for our guests. We cut the people on the edge if it wouldn't ruin our relationship with them.

[lime]

We had a small wedding so we didn't invite people we weren't close to. I got flamed many times for this on TK, because that was "selfish".

Whatever.

ETA -  I think a good rule of thumb is if they were getting married would you want to go or be ok with not being invited? 

[drloretta]

We invited them. We knew they wouldn't come, but my mom stressed that they would be happy/honored to be invited

[ECB]

If it's not an issue of money or space, id invite them. But if money and space is an issue and it's between inviting them and, let's say, good friends, I'd invite the friends first.

[mbcdefg]

If you'd like to see them, invite them and let them make the decision.

If you don't have the space or budget, skip them.

If you're unsure, skip the Save the Fate and reevaluate when it's time for invites to go out. (Honestly this was part of the reason why we skipped Save the Dates.)

[tacom]

I have no idea how close we are to our max. we're inviting 161 (so far) and hope to have no more than 150. I would be pretty surprised if any of my friends/family didn't show -- I stuck to those I'm very close with. however, FI has 91 invites and they are unpredictable. his whole family could come or we could have less than half show. based on previous OOT weddings, many will make a group decision whether they'd like to travel together.

we are already over budget by about $1k if we have the full 150 show. the budget is kind of arbitrary in the sense that we have the cash to cover extra but I need to draw the line somewhere for my own sanity.

[Deleted]

I would invite them. Weddings are a great time to reunite. If it were random people I would say no but they are family and you were once close and could be close again.

[VillainV]

We're "the more the merrier" type people. As long as we had room in the budget, and there hadn't been any drama, we invited people.

[L]

I stopped looking at it as a wedding issue (because somehow weddings make people crazy and they blow way out of proportion things that should be basic etiquette). Are these people close enough to me that I'd invite them to my home for dinner? If yes, they got a wedding invitation, if not, then no.

[Deleted]

If you'd like to rekindle the relationship, invite them. If you're perfectly happy letting it slip away, don't.

Weddings are a good way to make an effort.

[Deleted]

Since you're only at 160, I wouldn't worry if a few get added. There were people who normally would have attended my wedding but couldn't--other important events, had just had babies, etc.

It's good to make sure you're set if everyone comes, but better than 75% attendence for a normal sized wedding seems very unlikely.

[cheezer]

I'd reevaluate in the spring when you are getting ready to send out invitations.

[Awkward]

We're taking a "the more the merrier" approach and are no where near the limit for the venue, but obviously don't know how it will turn out yet. We sent save the dates to all kinds of relatives and family friends, most of my sorority from college, and I've gotten tons of notes and facebook messages back about how nice it was to hear from me (I included personal notes with some of them) and how they can't wait to come.

GBCN is the only place where I've encountered people who complain about being invited to weddings.

[Deleted]

I've been having the same debate with myself re: baptism invitations, except I have to send them out now. I've come to the conclusion that when in doubt, invite. The person/people can always say no. It's an invitation, not a summons. The one exception - I was on the fence about inviting my coworkers and I've since left them off because I am nearing the end of my ML and I am unsure if I want to go back to my job vs. SAH.

[keweenawlove]

I had a few distant cousins/great aunts that I was also on the fence about. My mom ended up pushing me to invite them and her big push was your family's always going to be your family. In your case, I would lean towards inviting them, especially since it sounds like you do actually like them. In my case, it was really nice when all of my more distant relatives who I rarely saw were able to be in one place and I enjoyed having them at the wedding.

I think with the number's you've got, you'd still be safe to stay under 150. It seems like there will always be a handful of people you expect to come but can't make it for whatever reason.

[flygirl22]

Honestly I had barely enough time to greet most of my guests. I don't regret not inviting or inviting anyone. Anyone that I maybe didn't care about being there and were there to appease family, meh, I never even really saw them. I invited more people than I could accommodate knowing that some people wouldn't make it,

[sjh722]

Oct 19, 2014 17:26:27 GMT -5 @kcpokergal said:

Since you're only at 160, I wouldn't worry if a few get added. There were people who normally would have attended my wedding but couldn't--other important events, had just had babies, etc.

It's good to make sure you're set if everyone comes, but better than 75% attendence for a normal sized wedding seems very unlikely.

I agree. We found that we came in pretty close to the invited:RSVP ratio the invitation store told me was pretty standard. (Something between 2/3 and 3/4, if I remember right?) People will have vacation plans, babies, graduations, no vacation time, another close friend/family member's wedding the same weekend, etc etc etc. If you have 155 out of 161 attend I would be shocked. 

[nonsenseabound]

Oct 19, 2014 17:26:27 GMT -5 @kcpokergal said:

Since you're only at 160, I wouldn't worry if a few get added. There were people who normally would have attended my wedding but couldn't--other important events, had just had babies, etc.

It's good to make sure you're set if everyone comes, but better than 75% attendence for a normal sized wedding seems very unlikely.

I also agree.  It is highly unlikely that 150 people will come if you invite 175.  Especially if it's a summer wedding.

I invited 250 and about 180 came.