Mom's of 2+, bedtime

[gibbinator]

How do you do it? I'm on my own tonight.

Ds1 is 2.5. Bedtime is 7:15pm and he's typically asleep before 8pm. He gets really upset if I leave (or even suggest I leave) his room before he's asleep. Dh is allowed to leave him alone, but ds1 has always had issues with me leaving his sight.

Ds2 wakes up from his last nap around 5pm and stays awake until 9pm or later. Of course he starts getting fussy around 7pm.

I think the only solution is to just leave ds1 alone in his misery which sucks. But the baby will just keep him awake and I can't keep them both calm.

[loskadoodle]

I put ds2 in the bouncer in ds1 room or on ds1 bed while we do the bedtime routine. Sometimes it sucks and sometimes it smooth. I don't wait til ds1 is asleep though so that helps my cause. Will he let you hold the baby?

[pupcake]

I was sometimes the mean one and let dd2 cry if i was doing bedtime for dd1. But I didn't have to wait until dd1 was asleep until I could leave, so I knew it wouldn't be a long time for her to cry. I really think you need to break that habit with your oldest. Could you say that you just needed to check on the baby and that you would be right back? Give him a timer and say you will be back when it goes off and hope he falls asleep before your come back?

[mswax]

Prepare your DS1 early in the day. Reward his "big boy" behavior preemptively, and allow him to do something special with you while the baby is taking his last nap. Put the baby down for 10 minutes at bedtime, read DS1 a quick book, and then remind him he needs to be a big boy tonight and leave.

Good luck! Solo parenting is hard!

[6fsn]

I agree to start talking about it now. I've never stayed while my kids fall asleep so I don't have any other advice. Good luck though.

[speckledfrog]

That's a tough one. It would be ideal to just have him fall asleep on his own while you are out of the room, but how do you think that would go? Because if it's going to involve a lot of screaming and carrying on, I would just do something else. Can you have a sitter come and hang out with the baby for an hour while DS1 falls asleep? Do you know any preteen/young teen girls who would do a mother's helper kind of thing for you?

[gibbinator]

I like the idea of preparing him advance so I'll try that.

speckledfrog. I doubt I can get my mom up tonight (though she's coming Thurs night because dh is gone to a conference) since I only realized today how late dh would be gone. I don't really know anyone else to call on short notice either.
If things go like the last few times I've tried leaving (even before ds2 was born), he'll just sob and call for me. Even after I come back he'll cry for 20+ mins because he gets so upset. He's used to dh doing bedtime 99% of the time and is totally ok with being left by him so it's a mommy thing not a scared of the dark etc problem.

loskadoodle, He doesn't mind ds2 being there, but ds2 tends to get pretty difficult right at that time, and isn't a comfort nurser, so I have a hard time keeping him quiet. The last couple times I'd let him suck my pinky for awhile but that trick doesn't work quite long enough.

[Deleted]

I have to leave J. It sucks but he "can" be left alone whereas the girls can't and take more work. But bedtime sucks! We only recently, like maybe the last month or so, got our bedtime routine down to an hour from the 3 hours it used to take.

[lilac05]

I agree to start talking about expectations and how you KNOW he can do it early in the day.

Then at bedtime, tell him you'll set a timer and come back to check on him every 5/10 minutes. Or you can tell him you need to go fold laundry and then you'll come back to check on him.

I tell my DS that I'll restart the timer if he leaves his room or if he's being wild.

[whitepicketfence]

Both of my older girls go to bed at 8:00. DH often doesn't get home from school until around 9:00. Sometimes DD3 is content to hang out in the family room in the swing or bouncer by herself; sometimes not. If she cries, she cries. There's not much else I can do.

[matildasun]

We had a similar set up with A. I would put M in a baby carrier, or nurse him while I sat next to A and sang her to sleep.

[speckledfrog]

In that case I would put the baby in a carrier, crank up the sound machine, and cross my fingers for a quick sleep.

[gibbinator]

Dh got home early! Hallelujah!
He came in the door just as ds2 was melting down while I was failing to brush ds1's teeth.

[speckledfrog]

Oct 20, 2014 17:48:56 GMT -5 gibbinator said:

Dh got home early! Hallelujah!
He came in the door just as ds2 was melting down while I was failing to brush ds1's teeth.

Yay!  Glad you didn't have to go it alone.

[turtlegirl]

Glad he got home in time!

When DS2 was an newborn I would just out him in the swing in the living room and hope for the best while I got DS1 to bed as quickly as I could.

When DS2 was a but older but still needed to be rocked to sleep I would set DS1 up with an episode of Curious George and usually have DS2 asleep by the time the show was over so I could then do DS1 bedtime alone.

It was never fun, but had to be done since DH had night school.

Now they share a room and it's glorious, makes bedtime so easy.