Post by peachdragon on Oct 20, 2014 14:49:38 GMT -5
I dunno. A white friend of mine got the same question while she was with her baby twins. When she said it I assumed the commenter just thought she looked young.
Post by missmaddie on Oct 20, 2014 14:50:40 GMT -5
Not a legit question.
Intentions depend on location. Are you in Central Park (or other such locations) where 98% of the kids are there with their nannies? No? Then not cool, lady, not cool. Never cool to ask though.
Maybe she thought you were really young? Someone asked me that in the last year and my children are the spitting image of me. either way it's not a legit question. keep your trap shut!
More info needed. What time of day was it? What day of week? Were there lots of "nannies" there. Was the person who asked a grandmother-ish age that was acting as nanny?
Racist to me would have been- "are you their birth mother?"
WTF, rude. And probably just because you looked hot. On the other hand I was chatting with a woman at the museum a few weeks back and just said something like "oh she likes that climbing structure too" and she was all "no I'm just the nanny!"
Huh? I'm white and my kids are white and look very much like me and I get this question sometimes, too. I think it has more to so with how common nannies are in an area versus stay at home moms.
More info needed. What time of day was it? What day of week? Were there lots of "nannies" there. Was the person who asked a grandmother-ish age that was acting as nanny?
Racist to me would have been- "are you their birth mother?"
It was on mid morning Sunday. She was youngish 30's/40's. Her son was playing with my son.
More info needed. What time of day was it? What day of week? Were there lots of "nannies" there. Was the person who asked a grandmother-ish age that was acting as nanny?
Racist to me would have been- "are you their birth mother?"
It was on mid morning Sunday. She was youngish 30's/40's. Her son was playing with my son.
With this info I feel the question was out of line---- teetering on racist.
Post by Captain Serious on Oct 20, 2014 14:59:55 GMT -5
Eh. People ask us, "Are they your kids?" all the time, especially my husband because he's a lot fairer than I am. As parents who don't look like their kids, we are just understanding.
If someone is really prying, I've found the best answer outside a simple "yes," is to smile really sweetly and ask, "why do you ask?" I'm no longer afraid to point out someone's rudeness.
Post by speckledfrog on Oct 20, 2014 15:00:18 GMT -5
Is it racist to assume someone's children aren't theirs because of different skin tones? Or just ignorant? I feel dumb asking (and it's probably a total white privilege thing).
Post by Captain Serious on Oct 20, 2014 15:03:17 GMT -5
Personally, I don't think it's racist. Just like we say it's not racist for children to notice different skin colors. I think it is small-minded, because it indicated the speaker can only conceive of non-mixed-race families.
Why would it be racist? Is the assumption that a nanny is racially inferior?
I think the racist twinge congress from the idea that, if they can't imagine an interracial family, they may also have negative/racist feelings towards those in interracial relationships. That being said, I'm not sure most people asking this question are thinking that way. I think they just expect more similarity among generations.
The only time I've assumed someone was a nanny, was at a huge cool play place that serves wine and good food. There was a very skinny, young looking, really stylish, put together woman typing on her laptop and studying thick college-ish books. The kids looked nothing like her and only stopped by a few times to get water.
Meanwhile I was newly postpartum and felt like crap, and me and my friends all felt frumpy and gross. We all thought she was the nanny. I asked her after a few hours and she was really offended, I felt terrible for asking. I only meant it as a "you look really cute and put together", but she was pissed. She was white and the kids were white.