Thanksgiving WWYD?

[hilwithonelary]

DH has the week of Thanksgiving off. He will not get extra time off for Christmas or New Years. We talked about going home, but ultimately decided against it. I was honestly looking forward to a nice quiet week with DH home from work.

We told my parents they are welcome to come see us. They said they can't get away because they already have a week long vacation earlier in November. Ok, that's fine. Then they offered to pay for our plane tickets. It would not be a financial hardship for them to do so.

I don't want to go. I hate air travel and have never done it with my kids. My parents live 3 hours from the nearest airport, so it's not exactly convenient. DS just started prekindergarten last week. They're only closed Thursday and Friday. I hate to pull him for the week when we got a late start to the year thanks to our move. I also dislike short trips home because DH's parents live 30 minutes from mine, and it always feels like we end up having no quality time with anyone when we try to equally divide our time.

However, I know my parents will be extremely disappointed if we say no. And if we don't go now, I think it will be next summer before we're able to.

WWYD?

[VillainV]

Stand your ground. Explain to your parents that you appreciate their very kind offer, but have to decline, as you've decided to spend thanksgiving at home and not traveling.

We're doing the same thing for Christmas. We have always been the ones to travel, and quite frankly, we're exhausted. We don't want to spend every holiday on the road or in airports. We invited everyone to come visit if they want, but WE are staying put. Of course in January I'll probably be complaining that I spent my entire holiday catering to houseguests, but at least we don't have to travel.

[redheadk]

I would not go. Thanksgiving is a terrible time to travel and with all of the other things (DH not having the other holidays off, your DS being in school, etc) plus just your desire to be home with your family, it sounds like you'd really rather be home.

[sjh722]

I wouldn't go. Traveling alone, over Thanksgiving, with 3 kids, sounds like a nightmare.

ETA: I misread, he is off over Thanksgiving. Either way, I wouldn't move heaven and earth to travel if you don't want to. I get you - splitting time is miserable. We are about 2.5 hours from my parents, and the back-and-forth over the holidays makes me crazy each year. 

[meij]

Stay home. Especially since your DH won't have time off for Christmas.

OR go on vacation and see no one. We did that last year and I loved it. ILs couldn't be mad we didn't go there because we didn't see my parents either. Our time off wasn't spent stressed out or running back and forth between family gatherings or hosting and cooking for everyone. I like time off to feel like time off.

[dcn]

I wouldnt go. I would probably feel guility for a bit but traveling around Thanksgiving is just god awful.

By the time we finally go home to visit again it will have been at least two years since we were there last. It is just too much and we decided we wanted some trips just for us. Such is military life sometimes.  We have spent the last nine years traveling multiple times a year to them and we just need a break.  Our families know they have an open invitation to visit anytime, some do, and others dont.  

[zarapipe]

Don't go. You won't regret it. We have the same thoughts every year and last xmas we didn't go home. It was amazing. We also have his family nearby back home and my parents are divorced and it's 2 hours from the airport, it's just too much. This year we are going home so ppl can meet the baby. I'm already dreaming of staying home for xmas 2015.

[ECB]

Let them be disappointed.  Seriously.  You have 2 young kids, one in school.  This is your life now.  Ruled by their schedules.  I would NOT pull my child from school for a Thanksgiving trip "home".  This will not be the first time someone will be disappointed.  You're going to have to let it happen and you're going to have to get used to it.

Your parents can find another time to come visit you if November won't work and they want to see you before next summer.  It really shouldn't fall to you to have to always go to them.  ESPECIALLY over what is truly a CRAZY time of year to travel. 

[gibbinator]

Oct 20, 2014 21:54:08 GMT -5 swizz said:

Lone dissenter here, but I'd probably go. I'd feel badly if I had the time and resources to go and just didn't, especially since it sounds like you don't get to see them all often.

This is how I feel too. Assuming you like your parents and they're not going to drive you crazy if you visit for several days.

[Deleted]

I would just say you would like to spend the holiday at home and reiterate they are welcome to come visit you. I don't think it's unusual to not want to travel with young kids during the holidays.

Once we had J we stopped our annual trip home at Christmas. My parents fully understood. My mom moved here this past July but now my dad just comes to visit us if he wants to see us.

[tacokick]

You offered, they said no. That is enough. Stay firm.

[kershnic]

I would go. But I would want to go. You obviously don't so stand your ground and stay home. You are not obligated to travel.

[Deleted]

That sounds like a lot of work over the holiday for such a little time.

Can you cut a compromise and ask your parents to come right after the holidays when things or slower or you go there?

Or make your stay longer in the summer.

I'd feel bad too but that sounds like more work than it's worth at this time.

[chickadee77]

I would respectfully decline. Reiterate that they are welcome to join you (if that is the case), but that you will be having a quiet holiday at home.

H and I started doing this even before we had kids - we made it known that we might join in, but that we have our own traditions, too, and while people are welcome at any time, we prefer not to travel for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Best thing we ever did - it took a couple of years, but no one is offended any longer if we gently decline. Now that we have L, I am ever so glad that we won't have to fight this particular battle.

[sunshine608]

I wouldn't go. When we lived out of state and away from our families, I refused to go home for TG. The "holiday" is too short ,compared to Christmas where you have several bigger days.

Travel is a nightmare b/c everything is so condensed and there just isn't enough time to see everyone and do anything ( but eat Turkey). Just wasn't worth it.

The only thing that gives me pause is not seeing them until Summer. That might change my mind, but then I just think of 2+ travel days over a 5-7 day period with kids and I can't.

[hilwithonelary]

Oct 21, 2014 7:34:39 GMT -5 @starry said:

I don't get why they can't come to you? I get that they have a vacation earlier but why does that stop them from visiting?

My dad owns his own business and it is extremely difficult to get away. He just doesn't think it's feasible to be gone two weeks in one month.

[ECB]

Oct 21, 2014 8:14:25 GMT -5 hilwithonelary said:

Oct 21, 2014 7:34:39 GMT -5 @starry said:

I don't get why they can't come to you? I get that they have a vacation earlier but why does that stop them from visiting?

My dad owns his own business and it is extremely difficult to get away. He just doesn't think it's feasible to be gone two weeks in one month.

And this is exactly why they need to be understanding of your situation.  You can say almost the exact same thing:  Your child is in school and it's extremely difficult to get away. You don't think it's feasible to start this expectation that you can just pull your child from school simply because it's "the holidays". 

[robot]

Oct 20, 2014 21:54:08 GMT -5 swizz said:

Lone dissenter here, but I'd probably go. I'd feel badly if I had the time and resources to go and just didn't, especially since it sounds like you don't get to see them all often.

Yeah me too - I'd seriously consider going.  But we travel to family for Thanksgiving/Christmas every year, so I may be biased. Travel with kids is no fun, but I always feel like it's the right thing once I get there and have a great time seeing family.  This is of course assuming you guys all get along and such. 

Regardless, I actually would not use your son's school as the reason, since it's just pre-K.  If you don't want the hassle of travel, that's reason enough. 

[aspentosh]

Stand your ground if you don't want to go. It doesn't sound like it would be that enjoyable in the long run. It stinks that you don't get to see them more, but just because you going to them is more convenient for THEM doesn't mean you should have to do it.

[teatimefor2]

I would also go. They are offering to pay, I don't mind traveling with kids and family is family. We travel often over thanksgiving, honestly it's not that bad. Leave the Saturday before and return in Friday or Monday after.

My son's in preschool and it's preschool. The sake, for me, applies to pre-k. Time with grandparents at this stage is more important to me.

[Deleted]

Nope. You guys just moved. He just started school. You don't want to. Stay home and relax.

[sh10]

I would go. It's just Thanksgiving, so to me it's not as important to stay home as Christmas. Your kids are at an age where the travel can be fun for them. Talk up the plane ride, I'm sure they will be excited. Yes it's a short trip, but it is four days. Have your parents get inexpensive car seats that way it's one less thing to travel with.

If my parents or IL's offered to pay for our tickets, I would definitely go. For us, the drive is too far to do three months in a row.

[autumnfire]

This is tough. If it were me I'd go especially if it were paid for and I knew it was my only opportunity to see my family and more importantly have my children see my parents. There are certain things I'd stand firm on but with this and given how long you're going to go before you see them and your children see them, I'd really consider it. Yes it'd be a pain but sometimes it's worth it to get some quality family time in with long distance family. It's always a pain to drive 8 hours to see my family, a lot of time in the car but it's worth it every time. Mind you I like my parents and I want to see them. If you don't and are put off by your family I can understand not wanting to go.

[jeaniebueller]

I am with everyone else. Not your problem that they already scheduled a November vacation. To me, the ones with small children trump everyone else. Stay home if that is what you want to do.

[Willis Jackson]

If you don't want to go, don't go.