Ok need some input (DD & CK meeting)

[bebeetmoi]

Oct 21, 2014 8:14:20 GMT -5 pinksapphires said:

My parents got divorced when I was very young. If I'm remembering correctly I believe they introduced us very casually at first if they were dating someone consistently for a while, but we didn't do outing type things together until they were fairly serious.

I don't think you want to hide him from her forever. You can introduce him as a friend, but I would hold off on having them do stuff until you guys have a talk about where you think your relationship is going. And by no means do I think you have to have that conversation now.

Oh yeah he would only be introduced as my friend. And my thoughts on going out and doing something stems from wanting it to be something fun for her, versus casually having him come over before she goes to bed. I feel like that would be more confusing for her? Ugh I obviously am a bit lost here.

[sunshineluv]

I think having them meet in a more casual atmosphere may be better, to not put pressure on either of them. Even something simple like a meal at the food court, where you don't drive together, then she can play on the play ground too. I think if you set up a weekend outing, or even a hay ride, it may get built up in your head. I think she would pick up on the vibe, that it is a big deal. If you keep it causual, it wouldn't be different than her meeting a friend for the first time.

As far as when, I think when you are relatively certain that CK is going to be in your life long term. That doesn't mean you know you are going to marry him, but that this isn't a fling. I think you can trust your instincts on that one.

Also, do you have any friends that have met him you can ask their opinion? I have always been able to tell when my close friends are in a relationship that will last, you can see it on their face and in their interactions with the guy. An outside perspective from them could be helpful .

It is so sweet of you to be so thoughtful about this. You are a good mom!

PS) We all would love to see a pic of this guy!

[puppylove64]

I think it is fine for them to meet and maybe do something like a hay ride, but you should present him as a friend and avoid being too lovey in front of dd. I also wouldn't make trips with the 3 of you often until you feel the relationship is pretty serious. We all have people that come and go from our lives, so you wouldn't keep your child away from everyone you know, but you also don't want dd hurting from a breakup. I'm sure it is a fine line, but just do what you feel is right. <<hugs>>

[ashleydl83]

The kids met John a couple of months in, but it was casual. I think I gave him a ride to pick his truck out of the shop and the boys came along. They didn't ask too many questions and it was a while before they saw him again. When we got more serious, they started spending more time around him. They know we plan on him being around permanently, and are all super excited. It didn't take long for Lexi (and the boys, but especially her) to get attached. They see their dad every few months, so I made sure to keep that in mind.

Good luck. I'm so excited for you!!

[bean47]

I like you're idea of meeting up to do something fun vs meeting at home. I have no doubt in your mama instincts, whenever you choose time wise will be just right. He's going to love her!

[bebeetmoi]

Oh god no there would be no kissing or any of that. No no no no. The more casual and easy the better. Basically, anything that doesn't make DD ask a million more questions than she already does is what I'm going for. Lol

[bebeetmoi]

Oct 21, 2014 8:32:48 GMT -5 bean47 said:

I like you're idea of meeting up to do something fun vs meeting at home. I have no doubt in your mama instincts, whenever you choose time wise will be just right. He's going to love her!

Yeah I just feel like having him come into our home initially would be confusing because it's "our" space. Whereas tagging along for one of our outings would be less intrusive to her environment, if that makes any sense?

[jfh]

What does CK say about it? Is he antsy to meet her, or just taking your lead? Are you both equally confident that this is heading in a long-term direction?

I agree that your mom instincts are the best guide. If it feels right, it probably is. I like the idea of a hayride or something like that - it takes the focus off of meeting someone new and puts it on just having fun. Can you go with another family or some friends, so it's even more relaxed?

I'm sure it will great, even though it's nerve-wracking. Good luck with whatever you decide!

[bean47]

Oct 21, 2014 8:37:21 GMT -5 bebeetmoi said:

Oct 21, 2014 8:32:48 GMT -5 bean47 said:

I like you're idea of meeting up to do something fun vs meeting at home. I have no doubt in your mama instincts, whenever you choose time wise will be just right. He's going to love her!

Yeah I just feel like having him come into our home initially would be confusing because it's "our" space. Whereas tagging along for one of our outings would be less intrusive to her environment, if that makes any sense?

That makes senses to me. I think it would take some pressure off of both of them as she would probably be as equally interested in the activity as him, while at home her focus would just be on him.

What does he think? Does he feel ready to meet her?

[bebeetmoi]

Oct 21, 2014 8:41:39 GMT -5 bean47 said:

Oct 21, 2014 8:37:21 GMT -5 bebeetmoi said:

Yeah I just feel like having him come into our home initially would be confusing because it's "our" space. Whereas tagging along for one of our outings would be less intrusive to her environment, if that makes any sense?

That makes senses to me. I think it would take some pressure off of both of them as she would probably be as equally interested in the activity as him, while at home her focus would just be on him.

What does he think? Does he feel ready to meet her?

EXACTLY. If we were doing something, him being around would be just a side act and less of a "thing".

[TrudyCampbell]

I don't know the answer, but I know you'll do the right thing because you're awesome.

[bebeetmoi]

Oct 21, 2014 8:40:08 GMT -5 jfh said:

What does CK say about it? Is he antsy to meet her, or just taking your lead? Are you both equally confident that this is heading in a long-term direction?

I agree that your mom instincts are the best guide. If it feels right, it probably is. I like the idea of a hayride or something like that - it takes the focus off of meeting someone new and puts it on just having fun. Can you go with another family or some friends, so it's even more relaxed?

I'm sure it will great, even though it's nerve-wracking. Good luck with whatever you decide!

He's been great about understanding that them meeting is something that will take time. He hasn't pressured me at all. We've had a few conversations about it, but he knows it'll only happen when I feel ready so he doesn't harp on it.

[kkfeb04]

I missed the OP but I wanted to shout hooray that Mr. CK is at this point. You deserve happiness.

[carawestt]

I'm just excited that things are going so well with you two! So happy for you!

[PatBenatar]

Mr. CK sounds great and I think you're taking a great approach with this!

[careyalis]

Clark sounds like such a gentleman, and I think he is in it to win it! He clearly thinks the world of you (Helloooo bebe's personal garage space!) and will respect whatever you decide. I say go for it! I don't think he has any intentions of running off any time soon

[jenbelle]

Oct 21, 2014 8:32:48 GMT -5 bean47 said:

I like you're idea of meeting up to do something fun vs meeting at home. I have no doubt in your mama instincts, whenever you choose time wise will be just right. He's going to love her!

This is what I was thinking too. You are such a good mama!