The ethnic group with no word for "father"

[ttt]

www.psmag.com/navigation/health-and-behavior/ethnic-group-china-doesnt-even-word-father-92274/


The Mosuo practice what they call a walking marriage, where the role of the biological father is discretionary.

In the Yunnan and Sichuan provinces of China lives a small ethnic group called the Mosuo. Among the Mosuo, romantic and family life are separated into different spheres by design. Children are usually raised in the home of their maternal grandmother with the help of their mother. She may maintain a long-term, monogamous romantic relationship with the father but, unlike in the West, this is considered separate from her role as a mother.

The role of the biological father is discretionary. There is no word in their language, in fact, for husband or father. A father is allowed, but not required to provide financial support and he is usually permitted to visit the mother and their child(ren) only at night. They call it “Axia” or “walking marriage.” The children’s primary male role models are usually their uncles, who remain under the authority of the children’s grandmother as they live under her roof.


From the Mosuo point of view, separating marriage from the raising of children ensures that the vagaries of romance do not disrupt the happiness and health of the child and its mother. Nor can the father wield power over the mother by threatening to withdraw from the marriage. Meanwhile, because the family of origin is never eclipsed by a procreative family, the Mosuo system reduces the likelihood that elders will be abandoned by their families when they need support in old age.

“Think about it,” writes an expert at Mosuo Project.

Divorce is a non-issue … there are no questions over child custody (the child belongs to the mother’s family), splitting of property (property is never shared), etc. If a parent dies, there is still a large extended family to provide care.

This way of organizing families is an excellent refutation of the hegemonic view that children need the biological father to live under their roof (and by implication, to be their patriarch). You can learn more about the Mosuo in the documentaries The Women’s Kingdom and The Mosuo Sisters.

[pixy0stix]

That sucks for the males. Also assuming that this keeps the romance portion from the family is a bit short sighted. People bring their issues with them to all aspects of their lives.

[wawa]

this kinda makes me sad for all the dudes. I don't buy that paternal feeling isn't just innate...so to tell them, "well, you can kinda be involved. If you want. At night. As long as grandma gives it the ok" is pretty shitty.

[ijack]

From the Mosuo point of view, separating marriage from the raising of children ensures that the vagaries of romance do not disrupt the happiness and health of the child and its mother. Nor can the father wield power over the mother by threatening to withdraw from the marriage. Meanwhile, because the family of origin is never eclipsed by a procreative family, the Mosuo system reduces the likelihood that elders will be abandoned by their families when they need support in old age.

These are definitely all good points, but it makes it sound like there are no upsides to having a father in your life. If the choices were shitty father, mom with a slew of transient boyfriends and this model, then this model wins for me. But those aren't the only choices.

[ttt]

According to Wikipedia, it's a lot more complex than the original article makes it sound (the father thing plus the society in general):

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mosuo

I do think it's interesting to see how differently various cultures have structured families, for good and for bad. The two parent nuclear family is certainly by no means the 'natural' or default version for humankind.

[katfco]

It's actually a lot more complex than that. Fathers can indicate their desire to be a part of their children's lives but their responsibility is to be "fathers" to the children in their own families.

Sexual relationships are also not always long-term or monogamous, so the woman may not know exactly who the father is.

www.mosuoproject.org/walking.htm 

[5thofjuly]

If you're interested in this, Judith Stacey has a good chapter about them in her book "Unhitched: Love, Marriage, and Family Values from West Hollywood to Western China."

With spreading cultural ideals, a lot of the Mosou don't actually live like this any more, but sometimes pretend to have these walking marriages for the tourist trade. It's fascinating.