Drop-off help

[youbetcha]

Need some advice about my almost-4-year-old DD. She goes to preschool two days a week and has started telling me she doesn't want to go to school the last several times I've taken her. The other times, she's gone in OK. But today she sobbed and sobbed and clung to me.

She is a mama's girl and is shy with other kids her age. She does better when her older brother is there to help her engage. I talked to her teacher just now and she said that DD is not crying anymore but also is not playing with the other kids but sitting in their "safe spot." 

Has anyone else dealt with this? Are there some magic words I can say to reassure her?

[Deleted]

My daughter did this. She was great for the first few weeks and then had a few weeks where she was crying.

We just talked up school a lot and asked her to tell us all the things she loved about school. Then we reminded her again before the next school day. It's hard, so hard to see them cry

Best thing is to stay strong, and leave fairly quickly when the teacher takes over.

Hugs, it sucks!

[youbetcha]

Oct 21, 2014 10:03:14 GMT -5 kooshball said:

I feel like this as an adult sometimes. I wish we had safe spots in real life.

Poor introverted kiddo.

I know, right? She is so extroverted with those she trusts, but so shy with her peers. Even other older kids she does fine with...she loves playing with big girls. She just finds something intimidating about kids her own age. Which, actually, I did/do too, I suppose. Sigh. I just wish there were a way to make her feel better without staying by her side 24/7. We've had a lot of transition lately...I'm sure that's the main cause.

[ECB]

It's hard to pull stuff out of kids, but I'd try to find out if there is something/someone specific that is bothering her. DS went to a home daycare for a good 2 years and was very happy there. Then about a year ago, he started acting like this. SOBBING when I'd take him, clinging to me, etc.

It took some time to figure it out, but it was partially that my DCPs older daughter was mean to him. A LOT. And then also that my DCP "made" him (all the kids except her two DDs) take naps. He simply was NOT napping anymore but was forced to lay down. And really- the DCP herself was being mean to him.

Long story short- it was no longer a good environment for him for many reasons.

It might just be your DDs introverted nature, but I'd take some time and really talk to her and try to find out if there is more to it than just that.

[Deleted]

My son is 9 and switched schools this year because we moved. He had a really hard time, and would tell me he didn't want to go to school because he had no friends. It was heartbreaking. One morning he was sobbing in the car on the way to school (and he rarely cries). He also faked being sick one day. Over time he made friends and now he's fine. I think it's just an adjustment for kids and often there isn't much we can do. They just have to find their own way in the world. It's hard as a parent though!

[luckyval]

I agree with calamity and will add some advice eddy gave me: talk a lot about all the great stuff she has to look forward to at school the night before and the morning of. Not only to get her excited but to give her time to process that she's doing something different today. In addition to being a mama's boy, Hart has a terrible time with transition. He does so much better when we constantly remind him what's coming up.

I also agree with short and *bright* goodbyes.

[youbetcha]

Oct 21, 2014 10:05:40 GMT -5 calamity said:

My daughter did this. She was great for the first few weeks and then had a few weeks where she was crying.

We just talked up school a lot and asked her to tell us all the things she loved about school. Then we reminded her again before the next school day. It's hard, so hard to see them cry

Best thing is to stay strong, and leave fairly quickly when the teacher takes over.

Hugs, it sucks!

Thanks! Yeah I made things worse after she sat down in circle and I said goodbye to her. As soon as I did that, she was crying. Mom fail.

[gretchenindisguise]

L has historically done horrible at drop offs.

This fall I started a sticker chart for drop offs. Made a really simple chart in word, bought stickers. She and the teacher put on a sticker after I leave if she has a good drop off. If she gets a whole week of stickers, she gets something special over the weekend (like a milkshake, or hot chocolate, or something from target $1spot). It's helped us tremendously. I think it's both that a) she has something to concentrate on while I walk away and b) she gets something she wants out of it at the end of the week.

[saywhatnow]

Ugh. My life. My kids go to daycare and have since they were 1.5 (DS- he's 3.5 now) and 3 (DD- She's 5 now). Every morning for 2 years it was both crying and clinging (maybe only one if it was a good day). An awful way to start my day, for sure. The only thing that made it slightly ok was that every day when I would pick them up they'd be smiling and have a great time, sometimes not wanting to leave. Miraculously in the last month or two it has improved a lot. We still have our days (usually Monday) when it's a challenge. Sorry I can't be of more help but I definitely sympathize!

[lg28]

Ugh. This is my life recently too. DS is 2.5 and started preschool at the beginning of Oct. 2x per week. He liked his visits before he actually started and I wasn't there. Now, he cries hysterically when he realizes it is a preschool day. Drop-off is awful.

I asked my therapist about it, and she said to have him select photos of our family to take with him and keep there when he is sad. Also to spend more time with him at drop off until he is comfortable and explain I will be back later in the day.
I did that today and it seemed to go a bit better.

It is stressful. Good luck!

[youbetcha]

Oct 21, 2014 10:11:19 GMT -5 gretchenindisguise said:

L has historically done horrible at drop offs.

This fall I started a sticker chart for drop offs. Made a really simple chart in word, bought stickers. She and the teacher put on a sticker after I leave if she has a good drop off. If she gets a whole week of stickers, she gets something special over the weekend (like a milkshake, or hot chocolate, or something from target $1spot). It's helped us tremendously. I think it's both that a) she has something to concentrate on while I walk away and b) she gets something she wants out of it at the end of the week.

Love this. She would love it too. I think she's probably having a hard time. H's job is very strange and unpredictable so I think she's having trouble with our move, how sometimes Daddy is there and sometimes not, etc.  Poor baby. 

[jeaniebueller]

www.barnesandnoble.com/w/kissing-hand-audrey-penn/1100085976?ean=9781933718002

This book helped my DS immensely with his anxiety about kindergarten drop off.

[8675309]

My DD is a very anxious kid too. We had her in a preschool MWF for half days and the crying was non stop. I finally had to move her into a school that was full time because she needed that every day structure. Is that an option? I swear, it worked like magic.

[youbetcha]

Oct 21, 2014 11:16:02 GMT -5 8675309 said:

My DD is a very anxious kid too. We had her in a preschool MWF for half days and the crying was non stop. I finally had to move her into a school that was full time because she needed that every day structure. Is that an option? I swear, it worked like magic.

It is an option, I suppose, but as I work PT and she (right now) only goes the days I work, it might be cost prohibitive to send her FT. We talked about also sending her on Wednesdays next year to get her more used to time away from me in preparation for K the next year. (And to get me a break...wahoo!) But thinking of that breaks my heart now, knowing how upset she was today. We'll have to see how this school year goes.