Does your spouse rein in your crazy? (poll)

[doobeedoo]

This may be the most random question, ever.  But I am dying to know if we're weird or normal in this regard.

So, let's say you overreact to something.  You recount your story, complete with your over the top reaction,  to your spouse.  Does your spouse generally enable your reaction or help you understand the error of your ways?

This post is brought to you by the fact that I have two acquaintances who are prone to episodes of crazy--over the top reactions to minor infractions by others (teachers, customer service reps, co-workers), that sort of thing.  NONE of their DHs as far as I can tell ever call them on it, and in fact, I think they enable/promote the behavior in some cases.  

Recently, I witnessed an altercation of sorts between two neighbors.  There was a very benign, but not neighborly, verbal exchange that took place because one person's dog barked at the other dog.  One neighbor overreacted, yelled a bit, went home...and next thing you know, her DH was in the other neighbor's (a male) face.  I couldn't help but think that if I came home and told my DH the very same story, he'd not only not march down to the neighbor's house, he'd tell me I was wrong.  But I think this may be rare?

[doobeedoo]

I also wonder, too, if we know we're overreacting when it's happening. And assuming not, when does that realization set in, if ever? So, would we even be able to answer this poll accurately? Maybe a better question would be if we do the same for our spouses? My DH and I have some good checks and balances, I think and I hope that continues, but who knows?

[doobeedoo]

Oct 21, 2014 17:28:48 GMT -5 @sfgal530 said:

Ha! My H won't tell me to my face I'm being crazy because my crazy is almost always (like 99% of the time) due to hormones and he knows better than to say anything to me then (admittedly it doesn't happen often - maybe 1-2 times a year). The other 1% of the time I'm crazy my rage is generally due to Comcast and he'll commiserate with me on that front because he knows I am in the right.

Now, if I tell the story of me being crazy to my H when I'm not hormonal, I'll usually be the first to be like, "And then I as a totally inappropriate bitch", but if I don't say that he'll call me on it.

H is very protective and when he sees me upset he gets defensive. He would not do what your neighbor did because a dog is not that big of a deal, but he has said on more than one occasion he would like to go have words with someone who has pissed me off.

So I guess my answer is he won't directly enable the crazy, but he won't call me on it until after he knows I'm not going to direct my attack at him.

LOL that makes sense to me. Why bring the pain to your own doorstep, if you don't have to?

[v]

He tends to be the only thing that I overreact to, and he's happy to tell me that I'm overreacting to him. Oh, and I definitely overreact to his parents' crazy, which gets me a lecture as well. I think I'm pretty good at reacting appropriately in most other situations though? Or at least, we tend to be on the same page on what is the appropriate level of reaction to things.

I am crazy in many, many other respects, though, and he tries his best to rein in my crazy on those things. I can be pretty impulsive and get bees in my bonnet that need to be addressed NOW. Sometimes he's successful in talking me down

[Deleted]

Yes and no. There are times where he asks me to be more reasonable, or calm down, or whatever. There are times where he fully enables the crazy. What he chooses to do depends on what or who it is I am upset over.

[krystee]

We are the first in line to tell each other that we're a little crazy. Now if we are genuinely having a terrible or sad day, we will be sympathetic, but kindly point out the other perspective. But otherwise we have no issues telling each other to calm down and stop the crazy. Fortunately we are both relatively sane most of the time.

[imojoebunny]

There is not much crazy in our house. Neither one of us has much tolerance, but to say my DH is the anti-drama is not really a strong enough description. He has a look that can stop practically any drama, even group of ladies drama, in it's tracks.

I hope he will be as effective when our kids are teens.

[kadams767]

We are both completely nuts, and we both know it. So we tend to egg each other on when re-telling stories of our respective overreactions, but neither of us would ever act on it, if that makes sense. I can't really imagine a situation where one of us was pissed about something and the other would go confront someone, for instance. We keep everything in check on the outside and our hysterics between each other. It's sort of cathartic, actually.

[WinterWine]

Neither of us tend to get too agitated or aggravated by things. However I tend to be a bit emotional, and H does reassure me and provide hugs and cuddles. I can also get unnecessarily stressed about work or family and he'll tell me to just stop worrying- he calls my shit in that way. H tends to get over the top annoyed at other drivers (somehow that is fun to him)- I have refined "the look" over the years and it's quite effective in shutting that shit down.

So yes, we both call each other on "shit", it just isn't typical overreacting crazy ;-)

[Stingyshark]

He usually just looks at me like I'm nuts.
He lets me vent & sometimes he will say stupid shit to piss me off even further, but most of the time he just let me rant and then tells me I'm ridiculous.

He would not confront anyone unless he felt that I was in danger.
I've been bitching about our neighbor for a year; he will never say anything to the neighbor bc the guy is in BEC territory with me and DH knows it.

[Deleted]

Neither one of us tend to be overly aggressive with people, so we don't escalate.

But neither of us are 100% good at talking the other down. Sometimes saying the other is crazy will make us more irritated.

We tend to both be more level headed than not.

[heyrebekah]

My husband *is* the crazy. If anything he tells me I'm underreacting.

[arch01]

He's the one to tell me I'm being over the top. I'm not allowed to complain at restaurants or hotels when I'm with him since I tend to go overboard and he used to work in that industry.

He did tell me last night that I went overboard getting irritated and voicing my frustration to the DC teacher and director for them yet again forgetting to put DS in a diaper for nap time-and so he wakes up soaking wet. He told me I can't control everything-which yes, is true, but frankly he's not the one dealing with the aftermath of it right now and DS being upset about it.

[Deleted]

BF and I are both pretty rational people but we're better at being rational about whatever the other person is experiencing. So when he's stressed about something I sympathize but then also reassure him that things will be ok and vice versa. Sometimes we both need a reality check but I don't think we've yet had a circumstance where either of us was actually going to run and tell someone off or DO anything crazy... more just where we're complaining to each other. He's a really good check for "should I be upset about this?"

Sometimes we egg each other on jokingly - like I've told him I was going to tell his professor that she should go fuck herself, and obviously I'm not going to do that but it makes him laugh and say "yes, you should do that. She SHOULD go fuck herself!" but that doesn't actually make him angrier, it's just silly talk.

[spankswife]

My husband recognizes my crazy, and sways me back in to the non crazy zone, without me really realizing it at the time.

He's a keeper

[jlt19]

DH will enable my craziness, though I do try to talk him out of his. maybe I'm a bad wife?

My mom tries to talk me down and I get mad at her. The only person that can make me see things rationally w/o me getting defensive is my BFF. Hence his status as BFF I guess!