Is anyone else interested in adopting a baby/child, or have you adopted? I have always felt so pulled to it. I would love to adopt a three or four year old when our son is five or six. I worry because I will always have to work FT and I'm sure there are many challenges to adopting a slightly older child that would require a lot of time. But I just really feel I was meant to do this.
I'm sure people are wondering why I pursued fertility treatments if I feel I was meant to adopt, but I really wanted to grow my family both ways if I could!
There is a thread on ML about ugly crying that is about kids who want so desperately to be adopted. I sobbed after reading it tonight and made H read it. The idea of a kid just begging for someone to love him rips my heart out. I really hope we make this dream come true someday!
We haven't talked about it to much. (If our genetic testing in December comes back and it shows problems then we will discuss it further.) I would love to also grow our family both ways as well.
I am not sure if we would have enough time/energy to adopt an older child though. But we would probably adopt a child that is 2-4yrs old. (At least that's what I am thinking.)
I thought about it a lot when I was younger; I always loved the idea behind adopting. As I got older I had the pull to have at least one biological child.
Now I'm not sure. I'm not against adoption at all, it's just something DH and I have not discussed.
I think it is really special that you feel the pull to adopt.
DH and I had conversations about adopting after our second loss. For me, I was getting to the point that if we couldn't have biological kids I knew that adoption would be a route for having a family for me. For my DH, he wanted to do all we could to see if we could have biological children. Had we ended up doing IVF (our next step if this pregnancy did not work) and were not successful we likely would have strongly considered adoption.
Who knows, it's definitely something I'm willing to entertain in the future and we might revisit this topic if we have issues conceiving/holding another pregnancy. I definitely would love to have a sibling for C. However, now that I'm going to be a SAHM I'm not sure how we would actually afford adoption.
Anecdotally, I know of a few families where the adopted child ended up having tons of issues with the fact they were adopted or just ended up having tough personalities. Of course the personality issue can happen even with biological children. For me, I really wanted to experience pregnancy and birth since it had been an interest of mine for a long time. Now that we have one, I'd love to do it again to give DS a sibling. I think if we give up on IUIs, we'll try IVF. If that doesn't work, we haven't discussed what we would do. I'm sure we'd at least discuss adoption again, but for right now, we don't feel pulled to it.
My H doesn't feel the same pull either, but he has agreed we can look into the process when the baby is a few years old. He asked me to slow my roll and just get through the first one in the meantime. I tend to be an over-planner.
My H and both do not feel pulled to the idea. We both new families growing up who had good and bad experiences. I would love to have my own biological children but if we are not blessed with kids then we will re-visit the topic more in depth.
I think people that adopt are amazing. Adopting older kids is a challenge in that most have a history of trauma and a sense of loss. Read up on "cocooning". Friends I've known to adopt older kids took 6-12 months off work to cocoon and some of them became SAHMs because of the needs of the kid.
jjwritergirl - H and I are in a similar situation. I've always known that he doesn't feel the same pull toward adoption that I do, but I still find myself feeling a bit disappointed about it sometimes. Especially knowing that we may not be able to have biological children.
pugz that is what I am afraid of--that I couldn't devote as much time as I needed to. I would get a three-month paid mat leave from work so that would help a bit. My mom sees some horror stories in the ER (lots of violent outbursts and psychiatric issues) from older adopted children, but I remind her that an ER nurse is ONlY seeing the bad things so it's not really an accurate perspective.
yeah attachment is the #1 issue with adoption and no two kids are alike. One of my friends adopted a 23 m/o girl from China. It's been 7 months and they still haven't been able to have family come and visit and spend time with their daughter because it would cause too much confusion and regression to introduce adults other than mom and dad into the picture. It is intense but definitely getting better as time goes on. They've found play therapy once a week to be very helpful in encouraging attachment.
Post by wanderingenough on Oct 22, 2014 10:02:12 GMT -5
I have had a strong desire since I was a child, but like jjwritergirl's H, mine isn't keen on it. I think he would only consider it if we had exhausted all other options.
Post by rockinrobyn on Oct 22, 2014 11:01:16 GMT -5
We have never discussed it. I knew people who were adopted as babies, but no one who was an older child. It is something I will now have to discuss with H just so I konw where he stands.
I'm very interested in the possibility, as is DH. I really want A to have a sibling, and a second biological child may not be an option for us (even if it was, we've talked about adopting a third). I would definitely pursue an older child adoption if we did
My biggest concern is making sure I was prepared to expose the child to his/her culture (if we adopted a child of another race, which I'm very open to). I would really want to prepare and make sure I was comfortable teaching them about their culture, which I see as a huge responsibility.
Both my H and I are open to the prospect of adopting but haven't discussed it much yet. We've been TTC for just over a year, although I have been laid-back about it and didn't yet use OPKs etc. I don't have a very strong urge to adopt, but I do have a strong desire for children, whether they are mine biologically or not.
I think about it a lot. I work with preschoolers, most of whom come from very difficult home situations. I do think about how much I could change the life of a kid like that, and how much they would change my life as well. I might consider adopting a slightly older child after I'm done having biological kids, although I'm not sure H would be on board. If I am not able to have biological kids then i definitely would want to adopt, but I would first try every possible intervention to have a biological child.
Post by HoneySpider on Oct 22, 2014 13:57:01 GMT -5
I really want a biological child(ren) but if we go through multiple processes (IUIs and IVF) and it doesn't happen, then we would consider adopting. Neither of us really know a whole lot about it, but we are open to exploring it.
I definitely don't feel a pull toward it though....my H does more than I do I think.
It's definitely something I would consider in the future. I don't think my H feels the same, though.
My mom works in the court system with lots of abuse and neglect cases. My heart breaks for those children. Unfortunately it's not as easy as giving a child a loving, stable home. There are so many challenges that go along with fostering and adopting. But I think it is a risk worth taking so for that reason I would consider it.
Post by estrellita on Oct 22, 2014 16:59:24 GMT -5
If we hadn't been able to have our own biological child, I definitely wanted to adopt. We probably would have adopted a baby. I think I'd prefer domestically, but not opposed to international. I do want more than one kid so if for some reason we can't have a second of our own, we may look into it.
I think people who adopt, especially older children, are wonderful. I think it takes a certain personality that I don't feel confident enough that I have!