Toilet seats are for GIRLS.

[catbus]

jezebel.com/guy-finally-realizes-hes-been-pooping-wrong-his-whole-l-1648284649


A note to men: Don't get too carried away with being the kind of dudebro who prides himself in never putting the seat down. It might just go very, very wrong for you one day.

The brave poop experts at Uproxx first caught wind of this man's toilet awakening. In what is sure to take on a life of its own and become an urban legend weary women tell their lazy husbands or boyfriends, a Redditor posted to r/TIFU ("Today I Fucked Up) and shared his soon-to-be-legendary story about his weird pooping habits. JayDogSmith recounted his sad tale of public humiliation for being outed as a bad pooper, bro:

So I'm hoping a load of people are going to come out in support of me here but I've got that sinking feeling I may be alone in this.

Our toilet broke so I was in shopping for new ones and the sales person joked (no doubt for the millionth time) that I'll want one that automatically puts the seat down after I'm finished with it. I 'joked' back and said if I didn't have a wife I could save money and not buy one with a seat and I'd never have to hear women complaining about putting it down again. To which he gave me a strange look and said "but what about when you need to poop?" I naturally pointed out that I'm a guy and therefore don't put the seat down, I sit on the rim of the bowl. Several embarrassing moments later, I realize that I've misunderstood my entire life and that guys do indeed use the toilet seat. I left empty handed and red faced.

Thinking about it now, it makes sense. Especially how men's restrooms have seats. But I just assumed it was a unisex/cost saving/oversight deal.
The truth is, we're all probably pooping wrong, But if you're doing it this way, by cramming your ass on the cold porcelain rim of your toilet, you are doing it extra super special wrong. Even other Redditors commenting on the story know better:

But, seriously, did you ever think, "Wow, this porcelain is cold, and sometimes wet and caked with dried piss. And I have to spend extraordinary effort to not hit the water with my ass and balls. What could I use to get around some of these obstacles? If only they made a toilet seat for dudes..."
If only!

[panbitch]

What? he's really that dumb

[Birdie]

I would feel like such a failure as a mother if I ever found out this was my son

[catbus]

I can't decide if I fully buy it, because it seems like such an obvious thing to not "get" until adulthood, but it's also written without hyperbole or drama, which makes me lean toward believing.

[Deleted]

Omg, lol. What a dumbass.

[catbus]

Oct 21, 2014 21:13:50 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

Well thanks, now you make me look stupid by changing your title!

I know, I changed it almost immediately because I thought of a better subject line when emailing this off to friends. Sorry!

[gingerjar]

I am confused as to how this was not addressed when he was a child

[Mrs.Rad888]

I'm guessing he's never had a female houseguest. Not more than once, anyway.

[vampsterdam]

n-a-s-t-y.

And stoopid, too.

[melodramatic26]

Oct 21, 2014 21:05:54 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

I thought this was going to be about men sitting to pee. Which would be AWESOME.

right? I'm all for guys sitting to pee. ALL FOR.

[birdistheword]

Just...how? How did he think only girls sat on the seat? Lol.

[mudslide]

Oct 21, 2014 21:05:54 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

I thought this was going to be about men sitting to pee. Which would be AWESOME.

H sits to pee. He's awesome.

[wise_rita]

Oct 21, 2014 21:12:27 GMT -5 Birdie said:

I would feel like such a failure as a mother if I ever found out this was my son

My first thought was who the hell potty trained this guy?

[Kristinmo]

DS likes to poop like that. It looks so uncomfortable. I yell at him about it.

[captainobvious]

I feel like the little boys I helped potty train would have been even more afraid of the toilet if the seat wasn't down.

[felicity]

My H also sits to pee when at home. No toilet seat issues ever

I'm not buying this guy's story. He would have had to use a seat as a kid, right? Little boy butts would fall right in. When would you make the transition to, "Oh, I guess I don't need this silly seat anymore. Let me just sit on this cold, uncomfortable porcelain instead."