Perspective needed ED/friend related

[Deleted]

As someone recovering from an ED I can pretty much guarantee you this is not about you. Part of my recovery was hanging out with people who had normal eating habits. Also I was much more likely to eat when I was with people ( which I needed to do if I didn't want to do in patient). With my ED I still loved everything about food and cooking but just couldn't bring myself to eat it. When I did I felt guilty. In fact I would make full on meals in the evenjng and then just package it all up and put it in the fridge. Other peoples eating never really entered my mind. That being said it is an obsession and I know it can be super hard to be friends with someone with these issues so I get where you are coming from.

[jojoandleo]

I had an ED in high school and part of undergrad. I can guarantee it's not aimed at you. In fact, when I was around people who are normal, I didn't feel smug about what I did. Sometimes I felt jealous that they could eat normally and look normal, but mostly I didn't really compare myself to my friends. It was all me, all in my head.

Her issues are about her.

[mcc]

Thanks jojoandleo and @pdx18. I figured as much and usually am not so self absorbed but when someone is writing about their feelings on a blog and you were part of it you're all, "Hmmm" especially since I was lamenting to her how I was a bum on the couch and cancelled yoga because of cramps. It might have even been a "I'm being healthy for myself which is more than some people can do" instead of an "I'm lapping every fat slob on the couch haha" kind of thing which is how I took it at first.

I want to be there for her so I needed something to tell me it's not about me. I'm also feeling guilty for eating like crap and not working out so it's likely a battle of both of our issues here. Maybe I'll suggest we do something healthy next time we hang out instead of stuffing our faces-it will likely make both of is feel better. Thanks!

[hungrycaterpillar]

Another person chiming in with an eating disorder. I can promise you this is absolutely not about you. I wish I could explain to you the kind of self hate I struggle with on a daily basis. I'm not your friend but I bet she feels something very similar. If anything she is probably envious of your ability to live a happy life, eat normally, and be absolutely gorgeous, because you are.

I like the idea of doing something healthy together next time you guys hang out. I struggle with the same thing. I want to surround myself with friends right now but the easiest social activity is to go out and eat/drink. She will probably appreciate doing something different.

[jojoandleo]

Oct 22, 2014 7:43:27 GMT -5 mcc said:

Thanks jojoandleo and @pdx18. I figured as much and usually am not so self absorbed but when someone is writing about their feelings on a blog and you were part of it you're all, "Hmmm" especially since I was lamenting to her how I was a bum on the couch and cancelled yoga because of cramps. It might have even been a "I'm being healthy for myself which is more than some people can do" instead of an "I'm lapping every fat slob on the couch haha" kind of thing which is how I took it at first.

I want to be there for her so I needed something to tell me it's not about me. I'm also feeling guilty for eating like crap and not working out so it's likely a battle of both of our issues here. Maybe I'll suggest we do something healthy next time we hang out instead of stuffing our faces-it will likely make both of is feel better. Thanks!

I completely understand. Half the time I read vague shit on facebook I am all, "Is that aimed at me?" LOL. The ONE TIME I was all, "No way could that be about ME" it actually WAS. 

[lexxasaurus]

Yep, I still struggle with my ED sometimes and it's so much about self hate and I had extreme jealousy towards people who could eat a real meal, skip a workout, enjoy life. My every move revolved around thoughts of calories in, calories out, and control. Statements like "well at least I did SOMEthing" are almost assuredly not made with you in mind, but a coping mechanism while she tries to be comfortable in that healthy place of recovery and stop hating herself.

The idea of going out for something healthy is great. You'll both feel better, and I know I was way less self conscious in an element like that. When I was first trying to go out with friends to eat or whatnot, I was overly self aware. I wondered if I was eating enough, if they would criticize my food choices, if they'd wonder what I was doing every time I went to the bathroom... A healthy activity didn't make me so nervous.

[mcc]

Thanks lexxasaurus and hungrycaterpillar for your perspectives. She's in recovery and super open about it so I want to support her and not make her life more difficult. I appreciate your thoughts and can see how someone who is all "Gimme bacon all the time; veggies are the devil!" can be frustrating to someone who struggling with control over food. Heading over to make a supportive comment on her blog post