Would you ever take a 10-day, solo vacation and leave DH/SO

[BAMFMrsB]

Would you ever take a 10-day, solo, vacation and leave DH/SO with the kids? Leisure trip, work trip, feel free to apply it to either. I get for work it's not realistic to say 'no'.

This is a spin-off from zarapipe's thread. pandce.proboards.com/thread/381599/hold-me

So... can you leave your kids for 10 days with your DH and not get a side-eye or a "why would you go for that long?" or any kind of feedback for doing so, or is this one of those "it's ok for the DH but not the DW!" kind of things?

Feel free to expound your answer.

Because I would absolutely need a recompense trip of my own for dealing with 2 kids and no Dada on hand.

FWIW, I've only, so far, left DH and DS to go on a vacation with my mom to CA. I think we were gone 3 or 4 nights. It was SO GREAT. DH was just fine, but he did spoil DS while I was gone.

[wavepool]

I'd "let" him go--situation would be similar to hers since he's also a hunter. He's going on a 7 day fishing trip to Canada next summer.
I'm honestly not sure if I would go. 3-4 nights would be just perfect for me.

[Deleted]

Yes. It would be a lot of work for drop off logistics for daycare, but H would be fine. He wouldn't love it right now since DS2 is so little so it's a lot more work to get out the door. I went on a work trip for 6 days before DS2 and H and DS1 didn't have any issues.

ETA: I mentioned in the other thread, but H is going OOT for a boys trip in November for a week. It will be a lot of work, but I know he'll have fun and really in the grand scheme of things it wont be a big deal. But I also have a lot of family support around which probably contributes to this view point. 

[Deleted]

Yes I would if I had the chance or opportunity BUT my husband travels A LOT and thus I'm sort of due for a solo trip. Plus our one child is in day care 8 hours a day and then STTN.

ETA.  DH had to be in Australia for work and they were only going to fly him out there for TWO DAYS so we both agreed he should add on some personal travel to his trip to make it more fun for him.  It sucked for me being home alone that long but I didn't want him to have to fly so much in a 3 day span.  I probably can't afford to go on a ten day trip at this time in my life as I'm saving my vacation time for maternity leave but I do plan on taking a solo weekend at some point or just an overnight at a spa.

[bunch]

No and I would never be okay with him going on such a leisure trip either.  Martyr alert- I don't think either of us would want to.  

[arch01]

Yes. I honestly can't imagine saying no, but that is how our relationship is. I also can't imagine him telling me no either.

[mlt]

I would only be gone that long if I HAD to for work. And even if I had to travel for work I would return on the weekends. No, I wouldn't leave MH alone with the kids for ten days so I could have fun. Nor would he do that to me. We do travel alone and with our friends but for no more than 3-4 days.

[niq]

This seems like one of those "if I get one, you get one" situations. I voted yes.

[ECB]

I almost want to say I have no opinion on this. I wouldn't judge a woman doing this any different than a man.  Or really- I wouldn't judge either at all.  I feel like this is something that is individual to a couple.

Taking kids out of the equation, there are plenty of women on this forum who either would or actually do take solo vacations. I have absolutely zero desire to do this. That's just me, who I am. I'll do a girls weekend away occasionally, but taking a week long vacation w/o DH? Not really interested. We really like to travel together.

So.... leaving my DH AND child? It falls in the same category. I know if I really wanted to, my DH would probably say "go, have fun".  But I wouldn't want to.

If I did do it, would it raise eyebrows from other people, outside of DH?  Don't know and don't care. 

[ssmjlm]

The length puts it into the probably not category for both of us right now. That may change when she's older.

I will probably have to go to a 2 week training next year and DH would be solo parenting the whole time b/c coming home for the weekend isn't feasible.

[brooklyn]

Oct 22, 2014 11:04:38 GMT -5 bunch said:

No and I would never be okay with him going on such a leisure trip either.  Martyr alert- I don't think either of us would want to.  

Ditto this.

Also, I'm a SAHM, and DH works about 50 hours a week.  I have no clue what we'd do for childcare during the day if I decided to skip off and leaven them for a week.

[bunch]

I think my emphatic No is also based on not having regular childcare. Leaving for 10 days would leave the other spouse totally solo parenting AND not working, in dh's case.

[BAMFMrsB]

Oct 22, 2014 11:07:54 GMT -5 niq said:

This seems like one of those "if I get one, you get one" situations. I voted yes.

This was my thinking. "I'm not going to say 'no' but I will say 'you owe me and equal time off' so think about that." because DS is a handful. And we have one kid!! My mind might actually implode if we had more than one to handle. And we have family nearby that helps out a ton.

DH had to take a week in SD for work and I really wanted to go with him (and DS) for a vacation but we couldn't make 2 trips in one season and still be $$MM. *-)

[savan]

I voted no. Could I leave for 10 days and have DH and the kids be fine? Absolutely! DH would never say no to that. However, neither DH nor I would ever take a 10 day leisure vacation without the other. That's just not how we work.

[kershnic]

In my household a 10 day trip better be either mandatory for work or together. There is no other option.

[barefootcontessa]

probably not. Last year I went to Alaska from the east coast for my BF's son's wedding and was gone for four days. MY DH took a day off, there was a weekend and then we had a sitter for Monday. I have been encouraging my DH to go see his elderly grandmother in Germany and would be fine with him being gone for a week. But to me this is not the same as a leisure trip.

[MNH2013]

I voted maybe. I would do a work trip, probably not a vacation. I took a vacation/college trip without him and it wasn't as fun.

Also I don't think I can right now with the baby. Maybe when she is older I would feel better about being away from her.

[imojoebunny]

I voted maybe. I would ditch the kids to go on a 10 day trip in a heart beat, but I don't really like to travel alone, I did a lot when I was in my 20's and it isn't that much fun. There are not a lot of friends I would want to spend 10 days with, like none. I might enjoy a 10 day tour group, but I would rather do that with DH.

[asoctoberfalls]

No, but only because I get very little vacation time. I couldn't take a 10 day trip without repercussions the rest of the year.

[cayl]

I wouldn't want to do 10 days, but if there was some amazing trip opportunity with some close girlfriends and 10 days was the only option I would be there. H and I are actually both going away in 3 weeks, but to two different places. I'm going to Florida with a girlfriend for 3 days and he's going to visit a gaming buddy in San Francisco for 6 days. This is my friend's first trip away from her child so she only wanted to do 3 days but I wish I was doing 4-5 days. That's the idea amount of time away from my family away, and I REALLY need to recharge now.

[SJ]

Yes, in theory, we would both be ok with this.

However, the nature of my job is such that work trips are usually 1-2 nights; 3 at max. So it wouldn't be a work trip.

And my girlfriends probably wouldn't all be up for a 10 day trip either, given their own family/work restrictions. I would not be the one to kill the idea though, that's for sure. In the last few years, our solo girl trips have tended to be 3-5 days instead of the 7+ we used to do.

So maybe by myself, or with my mom?

[scribellesam]

I vote no. Maybe a weekend trip, but for that long we just wouldn't leave the other for a leisure trip at this point in our lives.

[Deleted]

Next plane out.
Logistically it'd be hard but I'd go.
My H leaving logistically isn't easy but we make it happen, so I'd expect the same in return.

I'm also not a "this for that" person. A week long fishing trip is like my version of hell. I'd rather get even by shopping instead. We're both different people with different personalities so I see no need to keep everything straight up 50/50 all of the time as what makes me happy doesn't him and vice versa. It's more about striking the balance in what we both like to do.

H's fishing trip for example is the ONE thing he does for himself all year so I oblige. He doesn't ask for much else. Me? I'd rather have 4356363 things/activities or a few solo hours spread out throughout the year. 

It's not right or wrong..just different.

[purplecow0206]

I'm also a maybe, because I have an annual conference I have to go to for work (to work, not participate) and part of that I try to tack on one or two fun things.

To just plan a vacation by myself, I don't think I would. I don't think H would either, especially looking at his work travel for next spring. <shudder>

[InBetweenDays]

Solo, as in traveling by myself? Or do you mean traveling with others, but just not H and the kids. I'd say no to the former - I wouldn't want to travel for 10 days by myself. But yes to the latter.

Last spring I had back to back trips without H and the kids. The first was a girls trip with my extended family (mom, sister, cousins, aunts) for 4 days while H had the kids. I was home for 2 days and then gone for another 5 days with some girlfriends to Costa Rica for a 40th birthday. For this trip H was also gone for 3 of the days so my parents had them for part of it.

But our kids were 7 and 5 so I think that makes it a little easier than when they're younger.

[spk926]

No. 10 days is a long time and I not only would miss them but feel guilty for leaving everything for DH to do for 10 days.

I realize this is totally backwards though because DH recently came home from a 10 day hunting trip where *I* was left with everything (toddler and 2 dogs) for 10 days.

[mslhb]

I voted yes. I have taken a 10 day work trip and left my DH with DD. I did a bunch of traveling over the summer for work. They were only 3-4 day trips but a bunch of people commented with the "oh that must be so hard to leave the kid" and "how do you do it" stuff. Which always bothers me. If it was my DH doing the travel I feel like nobody would bat an eye.

[meij]

Sounds amazing! My H is more than capable and he'd probably handle it much better than I would. The only hold up would be child care when I was gone since I am a SAHM.

[CloudBee]

I wouldn't want to. I'll do a weekend away without DH, and did just that earlier this year. (BFF, and both of our 1 year olds.) But I have no interest in going away for a week or 10 days without them.

I'm sure DH feels the same way, and wouldn't leave us for that long.

[ktw]

I said no, but not because my H couldn't handle being alone with DD for 10 days, or because I couldn't (eventually) see myself leaving her for 10 days. It's just that if I left for that long it would be for a vacation WITH my H (with or without dd). I can't see myself spending the $$ and vacation time on a trip that long without him. Girls' weekends? Trips to Chicago to visit my BFF? For sure - but none of that would take me away for 10 days.