Kids and Anxiety

[eb777888]

So I had a parent/teacher conference with David's kindergarten teacher today. Everything is great, he's doing awesome but she said she noticed he seems to have anxiety. I actually was just telling H that I've noticed that David is a little anxious about things. I've also posted before about my concerns that he might have OCD, which I discovered stems from anxiety (those symptoms have waned over the past year).

Anyway, I feel like he's a "worst case scenerio" kid. His mind always goes to "what if" something horrible happens. This happens with anything from leaving his water bottle at school "what if the teacher throws it away or it gets lost?" to fire drills at school "what if there's a real fire." His anxieties are both minor and serious things, but it's always worst-case-scenerio type stuff. A LOT LIKE HIS MOTHER, lol. I swear, I try so hard to not let him see my anxiety. I have no idea if I'm rubbing off on him or if he was born with it like I was (I was also a terribly anxious kid).

I thought we would just work through it on our own until his teacher pointed it out. She told me to just keep an eye on it but now I'm wondering if we need to do more. 

[Deleted]

My DS is similar to yours, I am guessing the teacher will bring it up tonight at my PT conf. He struggled in preschool, and he seems a little less anxious but I still see it in him. Just like me

I too, try to hide it but I guess I'm not as good as I thought.

[joenali]

My ss had a lot if similar worries. It concerned us enough to get him into a few counseling sessions. It was about k-2 where he was pretty anxious. I think him getting older and meeting with a counselor to give him some tools to cope ( which we also used with him) helped a lot.

[eb777888]

Thanks everyone. I also could have really benefited from counseling as a kid, I'm sure. I guess we'll talk to his pedi about it next month at his well visit. I guess I just don't know what constitutes needing counseling and if this is it, but I guess it can't hurt.

[8675309]

This is my DD. She has anxiety about everything especially when things don't go according to plan/schedule. I feel terrible for her. Yesterday she had a field trip and she was a wreck all morning. As soon as she got to school she broke down again and her teacher pointed out that this happens often when things aren't "the usual" routine.

I am definitely keeping my eye on it.

[TC]

It can't hurt to throw some extra resources at it if you have the time A little bit of OT or counseling could go a long way. He could still be struggling with OCD and he just happens to be in a phase with less compulsions and more obsessions, so that might be a good thing to check out.

[eb777888]

Oct 22, 2014 13:28:27 GMT -5 8675309 said:

This is my DD. She has anxiety about everything especially when things don't go according to plan/schedule. I feel terrible for her. Yesterday she had a field trip and she was a wreck all morning. As soon as she got to school she broke down again and her teacher pointed out that this happens often when things aren't "the usual" routine.

I am definitely keeping my eye on it.

Yep. That's exactly what David is like and his teacher brought it up.  For him, he would be really excited about the field trip and say "what if it's canceled? What if something happens and we can't go." We'd talk him through it but I'm 100% sure he'd still worry about it internally until he's actually on the field trip.

We talk with him about what if the worst case scenerio happens and how he would handle it. If there's a fire, the drills are helping keep you safe so you know what to do. If you lose your water bottle, we'll get you another one. If your field trip is canceled we'll go after school or this weekend. We help him come to these conclusions on his own. I'm just wondering now if this is enough.

[joenali]

We only did about 3-4 counseling sessions for ss . I think it was good to have a non parent talk with him.

[eb777888]

Oct 22, 2014 13:29:13 GMT -5 TC said:

It can't hurt to throw some extra resources at it if you have the time A little bit of OT or counseling could go a long way. He could still be struggling with OCD and he just happens to be in a phase with less compulsions and more obsessions, so that might be a good thing to check out.

He's finishing speech therapy next month. I doubt our insurance covers this kind of therapy so we can just use those funds I suppose.

[TC]

Oct 22, 2014 13:27:46 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

Thanks everyone. I also could have really benefited from counseling as a kid, I'm sure. I guess we'll talk to his pedi about it next month at his well visit. I guess I just don't know what constitutes needing counseling and if this is it, but I guess it can't hurt.

I think a good way to look at it would be -- will you regret pursuing a few counseling sessions in the event that he didn't "need" them? I certainly don't get the impression you would, so no harm either way!

[eb777888]

He also won't ride a school bus because there's no seat belts. He used to want to ride the bus to school so bad until he found out there were no seat belts. "What if there's a crash??" I don't even know if I'd get him on the bus for a field trip. I'd have to get down to the bottom of why they don't have seat belts on buses and explain it to him, lol.

[kellykapowski]

My DD is the same way. We have started seeing a psychologist about it. She meets mainly with H and me as a way to teach us how to navigate her anxiety. She has met with DD several times as sort of check ups on her and to learn more about her from watching her play. It has been tremendously helpful.

[eb777888]

Oct 22, 2014 13:38:44 GMT -5 TC said:

Oct 22, 2014 13:27:46 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

Thanks everyone. I also could have really benefited from counseling as a kid, I'm sure. I guess we'll talk to his pedi about it next month at his well visit. I guess I just don't know what constitutes needing counseling and if this is it, but I guess it can't hurt.

I think a good way to look at it would be -- will you regret pursuing a few counseling sessions in the event that he didn't "need" them? I certainly don't get the impression you would, so no harm either way!

Admittedly, I've never been in counseling so it's definitely new territory for me. H went when he was a kid (it was situational anxiety, a lot of people around him died in a short time and he was scared he was going to lose his parents.) Anyway, H is always talking about how that short time in counseling did him so much good so I know he's going to really want to put David in therapy after we talk about it. 

[eb777888]

Oct 22, 2014 13:44:29 GMT -5 jillianashley6 said:

I have no advice, but I am sorry you are worried about this. I hope your pedi provides you some advice when you see them next month.

I know for M that routine is SUPER important- and any time it changes we have issues. From talking to others, I think this is pretty common in kids (having issues with change, or when things don't go as planned). So I don't know that you need to worry about it too much at this point. I think the fact that D is willing to come talk to you about this stuff is awesome.

Anyways. Sorry I cannot be more help!

Thanks :-)

[rosiebear]

When our son developed some anxiety in 3rd grade (digression: F his stupid teacher who called his compulsive behaviors "sneaking around the classroom"), we had him start some cognitive-behavioral therapy. It helped immensely, but he is and may always be a "glass half empty" kind of person.

If you can't get him in for counseling, doing a bit of reading up on CBT and children's anxiety may give you some ideas for helping him develop coping skills. Good luck; I know how hard this is on you all.

[whereintheworld]

We just started play therapy with my oldest son (4.75) because of his anxious/OCD tendencies. We went to a private psychologist office and it is covered by my insurance up to $2K a year so we'll do some sessions with them and see what they recommend moving forward. I am hopeful that this will help because our family is often on eggshells around DS1 because of his anxiety and his tantrums/meltdowns.

I am also a very anxious person with OCD tendencies and I think it is partly genetic. Don't feel guilty that he is this way because he saw your anxiety or that you should hide it. If anything, showing our kids we feel similarly but that we have coping skills is the better route than hiding and feeling shame about our mental health.

[eb777888]

Oct 22, 2014 13:59:06 GMT -5 whereintheworld said:

I am also a very anxious person with OCD tendencies and I think it is partly genetic. Don't feel guilty that he is this way because he saw your anxiety or that you should hide it. If anything, showing our kids we feel similarly but that we have coping skills is the better route than hiding and feeling shame about our mental health.

That's a good point, I've never looked at it that way.

[roo54]

I worry all the time that DD will get my anxiety problems as well. A few people in my family have them too, including my 12 year old cousin. I know she's older than your son, but it helped her when her mom told her that I have panic attacks too. It made her feel like she wasn't so alone. I'd try therapy, it may help him find ways to cope that he wouldn't find on his own. That's how I learned to cope with mine.

[Dezi]

As the mother of a highly anxious child, I wish we had started taking her to a counsellor at the first sign that she was more anxious than what would be considered normal. I feel like we could have nipped it in the bud and saved a lot of upset and stress for her and us.

[Dezi]

Also, check out the workbook "taming the worry dragons". I have worked through it with DD and it has hugely helped both of us with our anxiety.

[cinco]

My oldest has always had a bit of anxiety, but at 7 started showing signs of OCD too. Looking back, she might have had a few signs earlier, but DH and I weren't really looking for it and didn't pick up on the red flags. We took her to a therapist and it helped wonders. We also read up on it and have been able to change how we deal with it. It is hard to see your child deal with these things. Hugs.

[Deleted]

You have great advice here.

You are such a good mom

[eb777888]

Oct 22, 2014 14:51:17 GMT -5 Que? said:

EB, have you ever read anything about magical thinking? That's what he's doing (the worst case scenario stuff), but there's a way you can use that thinking to work through anxiety. As adults, we do it as a way to safely entertain all worst case scenarios in our heads, or to work through possible outcomes in our minds when we feel out of control. With kids, they truly believe that they are in control and that their thoughts and actions can bring on consequences for the world, such as cancelling a field trip. For some kids, it's the opposite as it is for us and learning that they aren't in control can help with their anxiety.

I have not but after googling, it's really interesting. It says it's common between 2 and 7 with children. I've never heard of it before, it's fascinating. I think I do a little of this as an adult.

[eb777888]

Oct 22, 2014 14:57:36 GMT -5 Dezi said:

Also, check out the workbook "taming the worry dragons". I have worked through it with DD and it has hugely helped both of us with our anxiety.

I will! Thank you.

And thanks @lazerus24  (heart) Sometimes we need to hear that, lol.