Post by stephreloaded on Oct 23, 2014 10:34:32 GMT -5
He sucks! I'm just wondering what was he trying to do here. It is obvious that he knew that having a girlfriend would be something that would hurt you and decided to lie about it. You were friends and friends do not lie to each other.
Sometimes it's better to just cut people out of your life completely. I'm sorry you are hurting!
I'm not going that far. He's not nuts so that's a little dramatic.
Boston is too small of a town and I know I'll run into him so blocking him won't serve any purpose really.
Would he even know you blocked him though? It sounds to me like you're trying to justify staying in touch with him to yourself.
I don't need to justify anything. I already took his number out of my phone but I don't understand what blocking him on FB or phone would do. He doesn't post on FB, he's not harassing me, and I don't communicate with him through there. In fact, if I really want to avoid him (which would be futile since were in the same small industry, have mutual friends, and are involved in the same professional and civic organizations) blocking him would be counter productive as I would be unable to see if he's on the guest list of a function.
To me it's not worth the hassle of trying to block someone out of my life who I'm going to inevitably run into and be civil to. That's just not how I am (shrugs)
I guess I'm confused. You agreed not to date, but be friends. He withheld information YOU had feelings about, but he's a lying asshole? IDK. I don't tell all of my friends everything. I think some feeling wires were crossed for both of you and this just blew up in your face.
Because on its face, if my ex who I was breezy about being friends with post-breakup told me he had a girlfriend, any twinges of pain or anger would be on ME. Not him.
And even if I asked a friend, "Hey, are you dating anyone?" and they lied to me, for whatever reason, it would suck to be lied to but I wouldn't feel betrayed.
Sounds like you like having him as your backpocket guy and now that he's not, you're hurt. And that's okay - feel your feelings. But I guess I misread or am missing where he's the total asshole here and wronged you.
ETA - I hope this ... situation... with Tux passes soon.
I guess I'm confused. You agreed not to date, but be friends. He withheld information YOU had feelings about, but he's a lying asshole? IDK. I don't tell all of my friends everything. I think some feeling wires were crossed for both of you and this just blew up in your face.
Because on its face, if my ex who I was breezy about being friends with post-breakup told me he had a girlfriend, any twinges of pain or anger would be on ME. Not him.
And even if I asked a friend, "Hey, are you dating anyone?" and they lied to me, for whatever reason, it would suck to be lied to but I wouldn't feel betrayed.
Sounds like you like having him as your backpocket guy and now that he's not, you're hurt. And that's okay - feel your feelings. But I guess I misread or am missing where he's the total asshole here and wronged you.
ETA - I hope this ... situation... with Tux passes soon.
You're right. I think we fell into this "not dating but still besties" place and yeah, it hurt to be lied to. The thing that stung is that we had shared these things and I played with this woman's freaking dogs and was all, "oh are you dating a dogwalker now?" and he said no. I knew, of course I knew, but when the truth finally came out it stung extra hard because he didn't tell me. Truthfully, if I had asked and he said he didn't want to talk about it, I would have pressed him with questions anyway. Hence the weird spot. You're right though, I'm not entitled to that information and it was his to tell me. I put him in asshole territory when I was talking to him after my horrible date because I needed someone to listen (and I wanted to hear about dinner at his friend's house who I love and haven't seen) that's when he told me he brought the dog walker there and she was at his house. It would have stung either way but was poor timing on his part.
As for the back pocket thing--perhaps, but not to date, more as to have when I need him and vice versa. Now that's moot because he's moved on but it's not healthy for sure.
I think this is one of those things where you have to figure out if you're ok where you stand with someone after you break up and agree to remain friends. It's not like I didn't know he was like this before--that's why we're not dating now. I do appreciate your perspective-thank you. This might not be the worst thing ever, but in the moment it was horrible for me. I'm not going to go around blocking him on social media and being dramatic about it though. That's why I came here