Hiring a Babysitter

[CurlyQ284]

We have never had a babysitter, even when we lived near family we only went out maybe every other month. Now we live far away so if we go anywhere we would need a sitter. DH and I are both hesitant. We have a hard time trusting people in general let alone trusting someone with our kid (who is a boundary testing handful). That being said we are trying to get over our paranoia and get a sitter so we can have a date once in a while. Also my new friend invited us to a party and I would like to go so maybe we can make more friends.

Option 1: DSs daycare teacher says she babysits but she needs a couple weeks advanced notice because she has a second job on the weekends. DS loves her and we would trust her without issue.

Option 2: A college student in our neighborhood posted on the neighborhood page looking for babysitting/nanny jobs. She is in school to be an RN, has a nursing aid certificate and is CPR certified. She has six years experience (including experiencr with disabled kids) and she most recently nannied for a family with 4 kids. She says she has an open schedule.

Option 1 would be easy to trust but I'm thinking Option 2 might be better in the long run. She is in the neighborhood and has a more flexible schedule. If there was an emergency and one of us has to go to the hospital or something she could get here quickly so it might be worthwhile to breathe into a paper bag until we get over our anxiety with someone new.

What do you think?

[jlt19]

I think it's always good to have two options! See which one is available when you need it. Doesn't hurt to have a backup!

We haven't used a babysitter outside of family either yet. I'm mostly scared b/c of my 2 year olds food allergies. I know a lot of people from daycare use the teachers, but I feel bad b/c they're in college and want to have lives too, not babysit the same kids they see all week long!

[Deleted]

I think its good to have two options. We have used mostly Andy's daycare teachers, and its so fantastic because Andy already knows them. But I wouldn't hesitate on Option 2 either. Both would work.

[rupertpenny]

I'd probably do option 2.

But try to remember that odds are overwhelmingly in the favor of everything being fine.

I'll admit I'm on the other end of this spectrum though. I've (happily) used hotel baby sitters in foreign countries.

[CurlyQ284]

I also feel bad using the teacher since she already has a second job.

DSs old daycare had "date night" every other month where several teachers sign up to watch kids from 6:30-10 on a friday. That's when we would go out. I want that back! I mentioned that to the director but no bite lol

[candreco]

I'd totally start developing a relationship with option 2. I know it's hard, but everything will be fine! Maybe start with an evening after he's in bed, or an afternoon after his nap so he's in a good mood and you don't have to worry about him going to sleep at all.

[hocus2]

I would try both out. Have more than one sitter you trust is helpful. I have about 4 or 5 I call over the year.

I've had a lot of sitters over the years and what works for me is a paid trial. They come over and I do something else like catch up on work or pay bills. You'll know within an hour if you like the person or not. 

[CurlyQ284]

I was thinking I would meet her at the park for like an hour so she can see how he is in "handful" mode, then maybe a day date to the movies so they can hang out for 2 hours.

I worry about night time until he knows her. He rarely wakes up after going to bed but what if he did and then someone he doesn't know comes up to get him and he gets confused/upset? See?! I'm paranoid!

[rupertpenny]

Oct 23, 2014 8:09:53 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

I worry about night time until he knows her. He rarely wakes up after going to bed but what if he did and then someone he doesn't know comes up to get him and he gets confused/upset? See?! I'm paranoid!

Yes, and then...what? She calls you and you come home? I promise that if he needs extensive therapy later in life this will not be the reason. 

[CurlyQ284]

Oct 23, 2014 8:24:19 GMT -5 rupertpenny said:

Oct 23, 2014 8:09:53 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

I worry about night time until he knows her. He rarely wakes up after going to bed but what if he did and then someone he doesn't know comes up to get him and he gets confused/upset? See?! I'm paranoid!

Yes, and then...what? She calls you and you come home? I promise that if he needs extensive therapy later in life this will not be the reason. 

I know, you're right.

[cville]

Uh, how about both?

Option 1 for this party, then use Option 2 for a date. Start with an afternoon date to test the waters.

Walla.


ETA:  but, like, casual daytime in the park meetup is tooooooo much prep.  If your kid is like mine and 95% of other kids, he'll be SO MUCH better behaved for everyone that isn't you, you really don't need to test them with playground beast mode.

[auntie]

What cville said.

It's best to have a couple of options for flexibility especially given that the day care teacher needs a lot of preplanning.

[mmmomof2]

We have a rolodex of babysitters at this point. The girls don't seem to mind, but they are a little older.

Another option as your kid gets older are "Parent Night Outs" at the different kiddie gyms. The My Gym near us is $15/hr for both kids plus they give them pizza. The kids love it, but they are kept up a little bit later then if they were at home.

[CurlyQ284]

Oct 23, 2014 8:38:48 GMT -5 cville said:

Uh, how about both?

Option 1 for this party, then use Option 2 for a date. Start with an afternoon date to test the waters.

Walla.


ETA:  but, like, casual daytime in the park meetup is tooooooo much prep.  If your kid is like mine and 95% of other kids, he'll be SO MUCH better behaved for everyone that isn't you, you really don't need to test them with playground beast mode.

I'm not trying to test her per se. I just think if we are gone and she thinks "let's go to the park!" I want her to know he will spend all his time trying to run into the street. It's not a test for her that she has to pass just like "this is the kind of kid he is" The park is literally a block away and if I was babysitting that's something I would think to do with the kid. He seems to be the only kid doing it so I just...want her to know to catch him lol

[mushmouse]

Oct 23, 2014 8:09:53 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

I was thinking I would meet her at the park for like an hour so she can see how he is in "handful" mode, then maybe a day date to the movies so they can hang out for 2 hours.

I worry about night time until he knows her. He rarely wakes up after going to bed but what if he did and then someone he doesn't know comes up to get him and he gets confused/upset? See?! I'm paranoid!

We've only used one sitter so I'm not a pro or anything.  But I agree that I certainly wouldn't leave the first time when he's already asleep.  Can you imagine yourself waking up to a strange person in the living room?  The first time we used our sitter we hung out in the house for a little bit with her and then went out for a quick dinner.  We came home before bedtime.  She was the daughter of a friend of a friend so we had reason to trust her and know she was good with kids so we didn't really need to try her out.  The park could be a good idea too.

The third time we used her she was putting him to bed when we came home, so it was something we were working up to.  Not because of trust but because we knew he wouldn't go to sleep anyway so there was no reason to get her to go through the motions!

[cville]

Oct 23, 2014 8:47:36 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

Oct 23, 2014 8:38:48 GMT -5 cville said:

Uh, how about both?

Option 1 for this party, then use Option 2 for a date. Start with an afternoon date to test the waters.

Walla.


ETA:  but, like, casual daytime in the park meetup is tooooooo much prep.  If your kid is like mine and 95% of other kids, he'll be SO MUCH better behaved for everyone that isn't you, you really don't need to test them with playground beast mode.

I'm not trying to test her per se. I just think if we are gone and she thinks "let's go to the park!" I want her to know he will spend all his time trying to run into the street. It's not a test for her that she has to pass just like "this is the kind of kid he is"

I knew what you meant.  I wouldn't do this for several reasons:

1.  Most babysitters (all babysitters in my case) stick close to the house.  For security/safety.  Because it's easier.  Because then the parents know EXACTLY where you are.  Even the ones who are also DCPs.

2.  Now you're paying someone 2x but you're only getting one date out of the deal.

3.  If you want to be sure that the babysitter knows what your kid is like, it's better for you to have them have a test where the babysitter is taking the lead on the care.  They make the plan, they run the show, you're sort of around the corner or something.  We did this when we were nervous about L's first non-DCP sitter.  We did backyard chores.

4.  I'm lazy and I just want babysitters to babysit.  Too much prep is too much.


I know it's nerve wracking, but rip off the bandaid and you will love life more .  Promise!

[mushmouse]

Oct 23, 2014 8:47:36 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

Oct 23, 2014 8:38:48 GMT -5 cville said:

Uh, how about both?

Option 1 for this party, then use Option 2 for a date. Start with an afternoon date to test the waters.

Walla.


ETA:  but, like, casual daytime in the park meetup is tooooooo much prep.  If your kid is like mine and 95% of other kids, he'll be SO MUCH better behaved for everyone that isn't you, you really don't need to test them with playground beast mode.

I'm not trying to test her per se. I just think if we are gone and she thinks "let's go to the park!" I want her to know he will spend all his time trying to run into the street. It's not a test for her that she has to pass just like "this is the kind of kid he is" The park is literally a block away and if I was babysitting that's something I would think to do with the kid. He seems to be the only kid doing it so I just...want her to know to catch him lol

My son was a runner and I wouldn't have wanted a sitter to take him to the park.  But really - skip that whole thing.  She should be home watching movies and doing puzzles, not traipsing around the neighborhood!

[CurlyQ284]

Ok thanks for the advice! I'll skip the park.

So do I skip a "getting to know you" meeting all together and just have her come to the house, linger for 20-30 minutes until he's used to her and then leave?

I WFH so it's easy to just get him early and have her come over while I work. I don't know how I'm supposed to do this. I'm sorry I'm so helpless!

[livinitup]

Wow, talk about 2 great options.

I've always had good babysitting options. My favorite are neighborhood kids who have moms that I know and trust. We have a few kids on the block who are great with my DD. Most of our babysitting meant DD was in bed, asleep and the kid watched TV or did homework on our couch. I liked knowing that if anything went slightly wrong, the kid could have a mom in our house, attending to an issue within seconds.

I think an experienced child care professional and a student nurse are fantastic options. Pick one, go out and have fun. I'd go with whoever can get your son into bed and asleep - so he's not awake when you get home!

[cville]

If it will give you comfort, I definitely say have a getting to know you meeting. But I'd do it at the house and plan some not-kid-friendly stuff for you and your husband to do while they're getting to know each other. Like cleaning and organizing closets or yardwork or painting the trim or putting together Ikea furniture.

Then maybe run out to get lunch to go or something so you have the practice of leaving them alone-alone.

[CurlyQ284]

Oct 23, 2014 9:01:56 GMT -5 cville said:

If it will give you comfort, I definitely say have a getting to know you meeting. But I'd do it at the house and plan some not-kid-friendly stuff for you and your husband to do while they're getting to know each other. Like cleaning and organizing closets or yardwork or painting the trim or putting together Ikea furniture.

Then maybe run out to get lunch to go or something so you have the practice of leaving them alone-alone.

We need to clean the garage so I can park in there when this Ohio snow starts coming so we will do that. Thanks!

[cbwm1]

Option 2 - having the ability to be somewhat spontaneous is good!

Also, you WFH, right? Can your H ask around at work to see if anyone has someone they trust? That's always a good way to find someone as well!